COME. SIT. STAY.

We can learn a thing or two from our dogs. They live simply, waiting for the next command, looking to us to guide them. They pay attention to their master. So should we.

These simple commands worked in my early sobriety and even today.

Drop it.

Leave it.

Come.

Sit.

Stay.

Wait.

Heel (Heal).

It’s a simple program, but it’s not easy. If we can take a lesson from dogs and pay attention to our Master, we will get the treat.

Just don’t quit five minutes before the miracle.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Matthew 11:28-30

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HARDSHIP VS. VICTIMHOOD

I heard somebody speak the other day that put these two words in perspective for me.

He said, “Hardship isn’t the same thing as victimhood. Hardship is something you encounter. Victimhood is a choice you make.”

Wow. This is so true.

I used to drink over “hard stuff”—things for which I didn’t have an answer. Oh well. I just won’t think about that and drink. That’ll solve it. No. That only puts off what I will inevitably need to deal with at a later point in time.

I was choosing victimhood. This happened to me. It’s not my fault. I am in the clear. I am the victim here. Justified and righteous anger.

Uh, no.

When I got a sponsor and started working the 12 steps, I started looking inside of me to clean up what was not working. Living in this world requires interaction with others and I can “react” or “respond.” Reaction for me is a knee-jerk action. Sometimes it’s instantly resisting it and being negative or I can choose to—pause, pray and respond in a healthy way.

The 12 Steps, especially Step Four really helped me with this process: “Made fearless and moral inventory of ourselves.” Then in Step 5, I got to tell that all to my sponsor. She helped me sort through my experiences and see what was mine to own and what was not—What is my part in this?

She had me make a grid that had columns—

• The person for whom I had a resentment.

• What the resentment was about.

• How it affected me.

• My part in it.

• Action to take.

When I wrote this out, I realized that some things just happen. We encounter hardships in life. It is how we process and respond to life that determines the quality of our life and interactions with others going forward. I knew that I was not a victim. I CHOSE to surrender to God and He helped me stop drinking—literally lifted my obsession. In that moment I stepped into ownership of my life again and a renewed partnership with God.

My relationship with God is key. I have a big part in that. I surrender to God, even in my fears—AND, I still have to do the footwork. I show up for God’s will, even in hardship. God even says that we will have troubles in this life—and He promises peace if we trust in Him!

I am not a victim.

I will trust God.

I will show up sober for it all—even the hard stuff.

“Let us examine our ways and test them, and let us return to the Lord.” Lamentations 3:40

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

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SEEING THE SQUIRREL

I don’t know about you, but when I was a kid, I loved going to the dentist. Not because of getting my teeth cleaned or seeing the dentist, but to look at the Highlights magazine for kids! Maybe because I am an artist and I see in pictures. I also did not have any bad experiences with the dentist as a kid, which helpled. I liked dentists so much, I married one :)))

So, you may be wondering what this has to do with alcoholism and my recovery. Well, here’s the thing—

I loved the center spread drawing challenge in the Highlight magazine, where you had to find the hidden pictures. It was a drawing with many images hidden in the bigger drawing. The challenge was to find all of them. When I found one, I was so excited. I remember thinking when I would find one, “well that was easy.” Then, thinking—”how did I NOT see that.” Then, thinking to myself after seeing the squirrel in the tree, that I could never NOT see the squirrel in the tree, once it was revealed.

When I got sober, I realized that my eyes had been opened to how life could be lived without alcohol. Hmmm. How did I NOT see that? I was not looking and assumed that I could not live my life without alcohol. When I discovered with God’s help, I could do this life sober—well, you get the idea—

I can’t NOT see the squirrel!

People in meetings talk about getting sober, then relapsing and how being in sobriety “wrecked” drinking for them—same concept. They had experienced how good life can be without alcohol and realized it wasn’t going to be an option or their solution to problems anymore. Thank God we get to “keep coming back!” That’s how it works.

No matter how many times we forget or relapse, we can always stop, realize there is a solution and come back. The “squirrel” in the tree that was revealed to me is this: Connection with others like myself, hearing how others stay sober, and relying on God to do for me what I could not do for myself. He WANTS my attention and my reliance. That’s the only time God can work in my life, is when I ask for His help and allow him into my heart, mind and life. That is when the miracles occur for me. My own will was not cutting it.

The part in the scripture I added below is this idea: “God’s power is made perfect in my weakness.” which means I have access to that source/power (made perfect) in my weakness (when I admit I need God.)

By the grace of God, I have not had to relapse in my 6,249 days of sobriety to realize what works. I am grateful for the miracle of my sobriety every day. Miracles can happen for you, too. Remember these things:

Trust others around you for help.

Trust yourself and the process of working the steps with your sponsor.

And, last, and certainly not least, Trust in God to guide you the whole time.

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

2nd Corinthians 12:9

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FRAMING REALITY

How you think of God, frames your reality.

Think about it. I either consider God’s Will for my life, or I rely on my own will. Ha Ha—I know where my own will got me—to my bottom!

When I began to frame my reality differently and rely on God and His plan for my life, everything changed. My perception of everything changed. My reality changed.

I was headed down the wrong path while drinking—of sure destruction and death. I have seen it in my own life and with people around me deep in their addiction.

If you believe there is right and wrong and we inherently know the difference between the two, you can believe we have a “just” God. He is good and He is also just. He corrects when we reach out to him.

I struggle with judgement. Judgement of people, judgement about the world. But, “judging wrong is the right thing to do.” This is justice. If we don’t see something is wrong, it is easier to stay stuck in that bad behavior. If we cannot see it, we deny it or blow right past what is truly not working or wrong and that becomes our normal. The line between right and wrong is fudged and smudged to where the line moves—it is made wider—to include more bad behavior.

When I finally noticed that my drinking behavior was escalating and taking me down the wrong path, I had to change something. The problem was, I was trying to change it from the same brain that led me down that path in the first place. I had to look to a power outside myself for help. God. God did for me what I could not do for myself.

I was fifty-years-old when I got sober! If I could have stopped drinking on my own, I would have!

I needed God to pluck me out and stand me up again on right footing. With God’s help, I had power to do things differently. To not have to drink as a solution. To show up sober and whole and ready for service to others.

Out of my head. Out of my control. Out of my will.

I must stay in God’s Will to frame my new reality.

You can do this too.

“I waited patiently for the Lord; He turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; He set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear the Lord and put their trust in him.”

Psalm 40:1-3

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DOUBLE DOWN

While drinking, any chance I could, I would make mine a double.

More is better, right?... Well, not always.

More alcohol for me just took me further from reality, sanity and the truth.

Separation from God. Making it a double, got me drunk faster.

So, if that’s the case, in sobriety, it must follow that if I double my efforts to stay sober, it would get me to safety faster, closer to reality, sanity or truth, right? Not separated from God, my source of power. I have to expand my thinking to ensure my recovery stays in place. If I put half the effort into sobriety that I put into my drinking career, I just might stay sober.

Holy cow. Do the math. If I double down on my efforts to stay sober, I could not only ensure my own recovery, but have energy to help someone else stay sober too!

Definition of Double Down:

1) to double the original bid in blackjack in exchange for only one more card

2) to become more tenacious, zealous, or resolute in a position or undertaking

I like both definitions.

I think I will double down on my efforts to stay sober by picking up one more card for my new hand, and become more tenacious, zealous and resolute in that position.

Now, I double down on hugs for people and dogs.

How about you?

“Instead of your shame you will receive a double portion, and instead of disgrace you will rejoice in your inheritance. And so you will inherit a double portion in your land, and everlasting joy will be yours.”

Isaiah 61:7

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NO MORE EXCUSES

I had plenty of excuses to drink. Everything was a good reason. You did this or that and it was your fault. Then, I didn’t even need an excuse to drink. Upsetting circumstances—or a party—were always the thing that would take me into drinking. I wasn’t sure how to do this life without alcohol—bad OR good.

When I got sober, I learned that bad stuff AND good stuff still happens in life. I realized that circumstances could not be my excuse anymore.

Someone said to me, “You have what you want in life or—you have the excuses why you don’t have what you want in life.” That was a powerful thought for me. I had a say in how it went? Hmmm…

I knew that I was powerless over alcohol, and that I needed help from God every day to choose to live without drinking. I also have a responsibility to choose to live my life again—or anew—without excuses.

I will always have circumstances that challenge me. It is how I handle them that matters most now that alcohol is not the solution anymore. Responding, not reacting.

I was fifty-years-old before I quit drinking. Many get it long before I did. I guess I am a slow learner. I tried for many years to stop drinking on my own and could not do it. If I could have done it on my own, I would have! When I finally turned my will and life over to God and asked for help, that is when it all fell into place.

The miracle began.

Now, my life is beyond my wildest dreams. Still challenging, but I can do it all with the help of others like myself and with trust in God. I don’t have to understand how it works, I just have to have faith. When each new day dawns, I am grateful for another chance to be present, sober and help somebody else.

No more excuses.

If I can do this, you can too!

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. ”

Proverbs 3:5-6

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PURPOSE?

In the days leading up to my sobriety birthday, I kinda went temporarily insane.

I forgot how to do life and what works for me now that I am sober. Ha. I DO know it’s one day at a time, but I get into future-tripping and caught in “What ifs?” that have nothing to do with where God wants me today. Completely zoomed out to such a bigger picture that I cannot control or understand. God’s job.

Monday night I got to tell my story of redemption through God’s saving me of my addictions and compulsions 6,211 days ago. I got to remember how I went to my bottom of pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. How in one moment, God plucked me out of the pit and set me on a new path. One of HIS choosing, not my own. My purpose redefined and reinstalled, just by staying in this day and in this moment. Zooming back down to where I actually am.

So, my old behaviors are to RUN, FREEZE, NOT SHOW UP, LASH OUT, All behaviors that are destructive, not only for me, but for everyone around me. Just like when I was drinking, I thought I wasn’t hurting anybody, just myself. When in reality, I was hurting everybody within arm’s length—especially the people I most Love.

Surrender is my best defense against myself and Self Will. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I might better do thy will. TODAY—That’s all I have. Yes, we have to remember the past but I don’t need to be stuck there. I have come so far in this recovery journey, 6211 days in a row, showing up sober, which still surprises me. Seventeen years scares me and it should. I am not collecting years. This is the day to celebrate my sobriety and yours. I am available now for you and for God to use me, not by MY will but His.

Recently, I asked a dear friend what his purpose was...he said, “to be a blessing.”—so good.

God saved me from my own (unavailable) self to know that I can now be available at any moment to be a blessing to another who is struggling.

Be a blessing to someone today.

Just show up.

God will do the heavy-lifting.

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

2 Corinthians 12:9

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THEY'RE JUST WORDS

Seriously?

Words can cripple or words can heal.

You’re a drunk. You’re crazy. You’re fat. You’re too skinny. You are messed up. You’re an idiot. What do you know? Who wants to hear from you? You’re too young. Too old. What you think doesn’t matter.

Those kinds of words could send me into isolation and drinking. Not only said by others to me, but said to me in my own voice! Negative self-talk. When I was buzzed, the voice would stop and I would not care.

I have carried this kind of thinking around stuffed in a backpack that got far too heavy for me to carry. When I got sober and started to share my journey in words with others, I realized I was being healed!

Just by my words.

My backpack full of word-wounds was disappearing and the load was lessening. It can work for you too. Flip the negative words in your own head and then share with others.

You look great today. You seem peaceful and centered. You are so smart and full of wisdom. You are wise for your age. What you have to say matters to me. I love your smile. How can I encourage you today?

You matter.

“Therefore encourage one another and build each other up.”

1 Thessalonians 5:11

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NEVER ENOUGH

Each time I started drinking, I remember thinking about the feeling of relief that would come and the confidence in knowing that there was enough for the night because I was fully-stocked. Then came the panic and fear that soon replaced that when I knew that I had miscalculated. I needed more.

There wouldn’t be enough. As my sponsor says, too much is not enough.

That window of relief and feeling better got smaller and smaller between the first drink and drunk, that it was so not worth it to even start in the first place. Yes, that was the logic of it, but logic didn’t apply here. The logic was not enough to stop me from repeating the same pattern again and again the following days.

There was not enough alcohol to fill the hole inside me. The hole got deeper and the window of relief became smaller the more I drank. My visual is like the whale constantly filling his mouth with more anchovies that it can hold—overflowing with too many fish. Then going back for more.

We are meant to thirst—its where we go to quench that thirst that makes the difference.

Now, I fill that hole with God. I am not thirsting anymore. Magic. Never thought it was possible, but now I am filled. I feel like my new drug is God. I keep going back for more. I hear God speak to me through other people in recovery. Their stories of transformation through dependence on God instead of the things of this world, fill me with hope.

I drank every day, so it follows that to stay sober, I must fill my cup every day with that connection to God.

“But whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life”

John 4:14

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WHAT WE RESIST, PERSISTS.

This photo is so sweet and reminds me of how my recovery works.

I’ll tell you why.

This beautiful flower coming up between the bricks of our patio is called a “volunteer.” There is a pot with luscious soil not a foot away with that same plant flourishing in it. This little volunteer, pushed up through the bricks with minimal soil and little chance of it growing there. It was determined, despite the odds—accepting it’s conditions, admitting it was powerless over where the seed landed—sprouting in what seemed like unmanageable circumstances.

Wow.

This is Step One: “Admitted we were powerless over alcohol and our lives had become unmanageable.”

I learned that what I resist, persists. Think about it. If I resist something, I have an adverse reaction—resistance. It causes me to think about it and mull it over and over in my head. I don’t get resolution about it, causing it to persist, until I accept the situation is not working and resolve it—

This is how it was with my drinking for years. I resisted loved ones’ concerns for my excessive drinking and pushed back, “I don’t have a problem. It’s under control.” So, my condition persisted.

Definition of resist: to exert force in opposition

Definition of persist: to continue to do something or to try to do something even though it is difficult or other people want you to stop

Now—I am like the flower in the hardscape. I volunteer to show up for my recovery, despite the hard conditions or circumstances that come up in my life. I am not resisting anymore or finding reasons or excuses to hide and escape from things that are hard. Or, people who are difficult. I am not resisting others’ concerns or for help they may want to give me. I have a chance of resolving it and responding in a healthy way and flourishing in my life—but, I can’t do it alone.

If I can do this life sober, so can you.

I am not saying it’s easy but it is simple. Like the flower metaphor, there are people, close by beckoning us to plant into the rich soil of a sober life, to live and to flourish among others like ourselves.

Ask for help—from others and from God.

It starts with you.

Then, volunteer to show up and help somebody else.

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.”

Matthew 7:7

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POWER OUTAGE

I always thought that when I stopped drinking all of the fun would stop.

Until the fun stopped while I was drinking.

Forget fun! That wasn’t even on my radar. I had to figure out how I was going to live this life without alcohol. Yikes. Scary. No clue. I was having a power outage, not knowing that I had made alcohol my power.

When alcohol discontinued its usefulness, I had to replace that source. That answer. That solution. It obviously wasn’t working for me anymore. When you’re having a power outage in your home and the lights go out, what do you do? Call for someone to fix it?—I go to the power source. It’s the same with my body, mind and spirit.

I have to go to the source to fix it.

“God, I’m having a power outage. Please help me.”

Those words saved my life.

I promise the “fun” in your life will return. Really. I can have fun without alcohol and thrive with others like myself. It is not a prison sentence like I looked at it before, as in: “I am the only one here at this party NOT drinking. Poor me.”

No.

There are others like me (and you) in the room. We just don’t know it yet. Somehow we find each other and give each other that support and the hug we need—and find fun with each other again.

It is possible to have fun and laugh again.

Tap into the power supply.

To God and each other.

Try it.

“He must become greater; I must become less.”

John 3:30

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WANTING IT

Recovery is for people who want it.

Not for people who need it.

When I finally chose sobriety for myself, I wanted that for everyone else. The relief that said—I don’t have to carry this by myself anymore.

While sponsoring other women, my sponsor always tells me, “Heidi, they have to want their sobriety more than you want it for them.”

I can’t force them to get there. I remember being so disappointed when someone I was sponsoring relapsed yet again. I took it personally, like there was something I could have done or said to change that outcome. My sponsor said to me, “Heidi, you are not that powerful”

Oh, yeah. I am not God.

Here is what I CAN do: I can pray for them. Ask them if they want to get sober. Stand ready to help. Listen when they reach out. Take them to a meeting to get connected with others.

I am reminded of the story in the Bible (John 5:5-8), where a man who has been an invalid for thirty-eight years comes to the healing pool. He never makes it into the pool to get healed in all of that time—hmmm.

Jesus comes over to him and says, “Do you want to get well?”

The invalid says, “Sir, I have no one to help me into the pool when the water is stirred. While I am trying to get in, someone else goes down ahead of me.”

I never looked at the scripture in this way before.—The man’s reply is an excuse! Boy, did I have excuses why I could not get sober for many years!

Jesus tells him to “Pick up your mat and walk.”

We have to pick up our own mat and walk out this life.

We have to want to get well.

Do you want to get well?

“Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted.”
Galatians 6:2

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CLAIMING THE MASTER

I’ve learned many lessons from my dogs over the years.

My dog, Dash, comes as close as he can to me. He either leans on me, sits on my foot, or lays as close as he can to me—to “claim” me.

I am his access point to basic needs like food, affection, and open doors to new places for moving forward, fun, and play time. He wants to be first in line for all of that. He wants to please me.

I am the source of provision for all his needs.

All he has to do is “claim me” and sit as close to me as possible, so he doesn’t miss anything that might happen next.

What a wonderful metaphor for my life—I get to “claim” my sobriety by the action step of staying close to my Master—God. If I claim God, I can claim my sobriety. It’s a choice—an action step on my part.

God is my source for nourishment and open doors to new places for moving forward, affection, fun, and play time! He is the provider for all my needs.

If I stay close to the Master, I won’t miss anything He has planned for me!

I want to be first in line to please Him.

I claim God. I claim sobriety.

“Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world.” Matthew 25:34

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STILL ROW TO SHORE

There is a difference between giving up and surrendering.

BIG difference.

Giving up is all about me. If I give up, I have thrown in the towel. I can’t do it anymore and that is the end of it.

Surrender involves a partnership. Surrender means that I acknowledge there is something else out there to help me once I let go of my old ways.

God.

That doesn’t mean I have no part in it anymore. It means that I have surrendered control and now my action plan to move forward has an invisible motor—power beyond myself that will lift and carry me through my own actions.

I saw a poster once in a meeting hanging on the wall. It is of a man in a boat rowing all by himself. Water leaks into the boat from holes in the bottom making it look like he will sink. Above his head reads:

Trust in God. Below the boat it reads: And, still row to shore.

We are partners now. With God’s help and my own action steps,

I can do this life sober—not giving up, but surrendering.

Sweet surrender...

Power.

“In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your path.” Proverbs 3:6

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GOD TALKS

If I pay attention and listen.

When I first got sober, I was hypersensitive to the world. Overload. Too much info coming at me. I was scattered in my thinking. So used to being in a buzzed state. Not thinking about anything. Not accountable to anybody. Gone.

I know you can relate. Checking out is easy. Engaging and showing up is hard. Sobriety changed everything. I didn’t have that crutch of alcohol anymore. The filter between you and me. My liquid courage. I had to retrain my brain to behave differently now.

One of the first things I had to do was learn how to start my day. Not just react, recover my fumbles from yesterday, or get up and try and function with a hangover—just get through the day.

Now, clear-headed, I start with prayer and acknowledge that I am not in control. Let God lead my day. Get me out of the way. God talks to me. It may not always be words. A thought, an idea, an inspiration, from nature...I find that God talks to me, when I regularly talk to Him! When you think about the relationships you have in your life, the people you communicate with the most and spend the most time with are the closest to you, right?

The more time I spend with God, the better that relationship becomes. The way I do that is spending time is meditation—on a walk or standing on the beach and observing his beautiful creation.

At one point, I thought God had stopped talking to me. After many days of resistance, stubbornness and me NOT talking to God, I stood on the cliff and looked out over the ocean at sunset. I saw a group of pelicans with huge wingspans banking out over the water. As they turned, the afternoon sunlight bounced magnificently off of their backs such that it made me catch my breath!

God saying to me through that beauty, “I will continue to send you beauty and you need to pay attention!” I was so surprised hearing from God I shouted out loud, “Hey, You are talking to me again!”

His reply?

“I could say the same to you.” Whew, what a great realization.

I need to talk to God for Him to talk with me.

Relationship.

“Be still, and know that I am God”

Psalm 46:10

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COMING HOME

It was my first meeting ever. Summer of 2004.

A dingy room downtown, filled with lively and chatty people. I was shaking madly. Not from nervousness, but from withdrawal.

My friend, Dan, leaned over to me and whispered that I didn’t need to announce myself when they asked for newcomers. But when they did, I jumped up automatically and said loud and clear, as though I had been preparing to do that for years,

“Hi, I’m Heidi, and I’m an alcoholic.”

Dan broke out laughing. At the time I didn’t understand why. Later, I would understand how hard it was to say those words out loud the first time. Not for me at that moment.

The freedom and relief in that moment was overwhelming—plus the room erupted in applause like I had just sunk a 30-foot putt!

Actually, I had.

Figuratively, I had been trying to line that putt up for years. Without God blowing it in on the final two inches when the roll started to slow down, I never would have made it into the cup—or OUT of my cups, as they say.

I was ready.

I had carried the weight of it long enough.

I was home.

“Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.”

James 5:16

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TRUTH STAND

I was listening to a prominent psychologist talk about “how to impose order on the chaos of our lives.” It was so brilliant, I had to listen to it twice because a lot of how he presents is way over my head. But the thing that stuck with me is that he said that there is tremendous adventure in telling the truth because you don’t know what’s going to happen.

Wow. So good.

When you hide things, they grow and you shrink. The opposite happens when you tell the truth—the things you were hiding shrink and YOU grow.

When the truth is told, it takes the power out of you carrying that in your head. It is always smaller out here than how you were spinning it in your head. That is the concept of recovery meetings. Sharing our stories and truths to each other takes the weight off of our shoulders. We find out that in walking sobriety with another, it lightens our load knowing that we are not alone.

I am not usually a huge risk-taker, but I have become one in sobriety. What that looks like for me now is this—I may hesitate to share that I am an alcoholic in recovery because of the judgement or stigma associated with saying it. And, when I do choose to share my truth about that, it almost always ends up helping somebody else! Which is now my main purpose. That is the adventure part. Taking that risk so that I may be of service to another.

So when I think of imposing order in the chaos of my life, it almost always involves telling my truth. Admitting I was an alcoholic (finally) was the leap of faith I needed to take. My truth. Now what to do next. I knew that I could not do it on my own power.

When I surrendered my will and life over to God, the adventure began. I needed help to live this live sober and to do that, I needed God and others like myself.

That’s why I still go to meetings after 6,143 days of sobriety—to hear God speak to me through others in the room. To watch that transformation in them and hear their truth, mine becomes—and remains—undeniable.

The truth really will set you free.

Try it.

Let the adventure begin.

“Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

John 8:32

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NORMAL LIFE

I heard a newly-sober young man share in a meeting the other day. He was talking about loving his normal life now, having just over 30 days of sobriety.

Normal ?

I heard this in a meeting when I first got sober: “Normal is a setting on a washing machine.” I loved that. In my newly sober mind, I had to rethink what was normal—without the drinking part. Everything had to be different from my old normal.

This man started to talk about how he didn’t have a care in the world about anybody or anything when he was drinking and using. How he did not think about the future and had no hope of things ever being different than his current chaotic way of living.

Then he said this, “I even like using my calendar now. I like planning out my meetings.” This kid sat there talking about being excited to actually use his calendar! What a gift. Showing up alert and sober.

Wow—think about it. The calendar represents future events. Hope. When I was drinking, I had no hope of anything being different. When I got sober, I could plan for future events, counting on the fact that I would be present to actually show up for them!

I remember somebody asking me in early sobriety if I had done 90 in 90 yet? Ninety meetings in Ninety days. I can do that. Out came my calendar and I marked my meetings in ink on my paper calendar. It gave me hope and resolve that I was going to stay sober each day by going to meetings and connecting with others like myself.

The scripture I added here at the bottom talks about the enemy. I think of drugs and alcohol as the enemy prowling around trying to destroy me and not letting me have full access to my mind, body and spirit.

Separation from God. Now that the enemy—alcohol—is out of the equation, I have full access to God and the power available to show up and be of service to others and to myself.

Use my calendar.

Have hope for the future.

Be present for today.

“Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.”

1 Peter 5:8

MISSING THE PAYOFF

MISSING THE PAYOFF

A man who was chairing a recovery meeting spoke of having thirteen years of sobriety in the past.

When he continued with his story, he told of relapse after relapse and how he landed in rehab several times. He sat there telling this story with 90 days of sobriety and said this key line:

“If you don’t get the spirituality of this program, you are missing the biggest payoff.”

The universal truth bell went off in my head when he said that.

The candy. The miracles. All things we were missing while checking out. When we let go and turn it over to God, all kinds of good things start happening that we didn’t expect and could never have dreamed.

We let go and it all comes back.

You mean if I hold on real tight, I am not going to keep it?

Uh, no.

You can’t keep what you don’t have in the first place. God gave you life. If you give your life back to Him in full, that is when you get the big payoff.

The big payoff?

Peace that passes all understanding.

Do it. Then watch and see.

“Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5 Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

Philippians 4:4-7

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DYNAMIC PATIENCE

What?

When I think of having patience, I think of being static. Stuck. Until something happens to take me out of waiting. But, patience is not necessarily static, being stuck or waiting.

Definition of Patience: 1) bearing pains or trials calmly or without complaint; 2) steadfast despite opposition, difficulty, or adversity. 3) not hasty or impetuous

Definition of Static: 1) of or relating to bodies at rest or forces in equilibrium. 2) showing little change

Definition of Dynamic: marked by usually continuous and productive activity or change 2) of or relating to physical force or energy. 3) an underlying cause of change or growth.

Aha! There it is. “Dynamic: an underlying cause of change or growth.”

This whole last year felt like I was “put on hold— Just wait patiently now.” My first instinct to that is to resist. Patience can be dynamic: “Steadfast despite opposition, difficulty or adversity—this being the underlying cause of change or growth.”

God is growing me even when I don’t know it or see Him doing it—like the photo of this sprout—I can’t see what’s happening under the dirt for this growth to come about above the surface—that I get to finally see. How awesome is that? The best part about it is that I can choose to trust God and turn my will over especially when I feel stuck. Waiting.

My sobriety is a process. Patience has never been my “strong suit” as my mother always said. And, I find this hilarious how my husband views patience when he says, “I can’t wait to have patience!”

So, I can choose to view my patience as dynamic, moving and growing me—even when I can’t see it happening.

Make sense?

“Can anyone hide out in a corner where I can’t see him?” God’s Decree. “Am I not present everywhere, whether seen or unseen?” God’s Decree.”

Jeremiah 23:24 (The Message)

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