GRACE

I have always been confused when people say, “God never gives us more than we can handle.”

The truth is that there IS more than we can handle by ourselves here on earth, so we must to turn to Him! We can’t do this alone. We think we can, in our arrogance—but no.

I heard one of our pastors tell her story. She went through many hardships as a child. She shared a plaque that was in her mother’s house as she was growing up.

“The will of God will never lead you where the Grace of God cannot keep you.”

That’s more like it. This hard stuff I am enduring right now is an opportunity to look for the grace—the free gift. Then we are amazed when God weaves it all together so masterfully to bless us in this tapestry of life. A life undeserved. There are no degrees of grace. 

He will reveal what we need to know, when we need to know it if we trust.

Grace—unmerited favor.

A free gift.

Thank you, God.

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” 

2 Corinthians 12:9

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BONDAGE OF SELF

I love this photo. A beautiful friend sent this, who knows me well. 

She knows that I am great at “stealing the pen.” (From God)

How about you?

Are you letting God lead your story instead of trying to control the narrative? I know that I WANT to give it over to God and to live in His will for my life, but sometimes, my plans seem pretty cool for today. I’m pretty happy with my way. And, sometimes—most times—it leads me to trouble. Then, right back to God. Asking for His will for me and the power to carry that out. 

I have to look right in front of me, sometimes. Right there. Look and see it. “But, I don’t want to do that right now.”  But, God does want me to do that. Like a father with a child. He’s trying to show the best path for me. I’m the one who doesn’t want to see. 

Or, won’t see—That is my will.

That is why I have to pause and ask God if this is His will for me today. I start every day with the 3rd Step prayer:

“God, I offer myself to Thee. To build with me and do with me as thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I might better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy love and Thy way of life. May I do Thy will always. Amen.”

Such a good way for me to put down the pen and let God keep writing my story.

Two phrases in that prayer help me:  “Relieve me of the bondage of self”—that gets me out of God’s way and being self-centered. Then, having victory over my difficulties to bear witness to others—service! Great reminder that it’s not about me.

When I stopped drinking and turned my life over to God, I started being of service to others, God began writing my story the way He intended it to go. I got out of the way. It is a process of daily getting out of God’s way and my own way.

Each day I have to remember to:

Put down the pen.

Get out of God’s way.

Trust the Author.

“Thy kingdom come.Thy will be done. On earth as it is in heaven.”

Matthew 6:10

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HOPE

If you are looking for reasons to NOT believe in God, you will find them. If you are looking for reasons to believe in God, you will find them. The evidence is overwhelming. This morning I saw a rainbow over the ocean. It gave me hope.

My question is, “Why NOT believe in God? What do I have to lose—in fact, I have everything to gain.” Why would I not accept help.

My plan was not working the way I was going, so it seems logical to receive the help that is offered. Right? The gift of grace is freely given. How arrogant of me to reject that free gift?

Humbling myself is hard, but always being “right” is even harder. Haha.

There might be another way…

When I was at the bottom of my drinking, I was at the end of me. My way. My will was not working. Surrendering to God for help was the choice in front of me. I am glad I chose that route, because the help was immediate. My obsession with alcohol was lifted and I was free in a moment of time.

That was, and continues to be, a miracle every day. I thought I would not be able to live this life without alcohol. This was a lie I had told myself for so long that I believed it. When I rejected that lie and asked God to help me, He did. Magically.

Stubborn me. Simple but not easy. It required me to let go of old thinking, behaviors and beliefs—try a new path in partnership with others and with God.

I have been free of the need to drink or medicate myself in any way for 7,940 days in a row. Such a gift. Now, I want to tell others that it is that simple. Be bold and take that step. Trust.

Let others help.

Let God in to help.

Watch the change happen.

You will be amazed.

“I have set my rainbow in the clouds, and it will be the sign of the covenant between me and the earth.”

Genesis 9:13

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STAY IN YOUR LANE

I was a competitive swimmer in high school. I competed in every stroke, but my favorite stroke was butterfly. In the competition, it was critical that you stay in your own lane. If you didn’t, you would likely be disqualified if you interfered with another swimmer by entering their lane or reaching over the floating lane dividers.

Often swimming butterfly, if you veered a little off your straight line, both arms come over the top at the same time and you could fling your arms over into the next lane. I even remember bumping arms with someone in the next lane mid-stroke. I never got disqualified for that, but the lane dividers were there for just that purpose, to keep you on course in the right direction going forward.

There is a phrase in recovery that we use, “stay in your own lane” You can help another alcoholic and come alongside them, but you can’t do it for them. You can’t get into their life and meddle. If asked and invited, we can offer suggestions on how they might try a different behavior or course of action—guide them through the steps—But, they have to do the work.

Now, “Stay in your lane” has a very special meaning to me after getting sober, and realizing that I was a codependent person. I would like to fix and help everyone, so I slosh over into their lane regularly to tell them how their life would be easier if they just did “this” haha. The lanes are there for a purpose. a reminder to focus on my own responsibilities— not interfering in matters that do not concern me or where I lack sufficient knowledge.

I also use the phrase, “hands off” to myself and physically put my hands in the air, signaling that I am giving them to God. I cannot manage their sobriety for them. Early in my sponsoring days many years ago, I had a women relapse that I sponsored. I was so upset that I went to my sponsor and shared it with her. I said to her, “There must have been something I could have said or done to help her not relapse??” And, my sponsor so brilliantly said these words to me:

“Heidi, you are not that powerful.”

Hit me hard. God does not need my help. God is the one transforming them.

My job is just…

Swimmin’ alongside

Stayin’ and prayin’

Here for help when needed

“Let your eyes look straight ahead; fix your gaze directly before you. Give careful thought to the paths for your feet and be steadfast in all your ways.”

Proverbs 4:25-26

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STANDING IN A BUCKET

The first women’s meeting I walked into in when I got sober, became my home group women’s meeting. I was definately “home” here. All the women said what I was thinking. They WERE me. There was a beautiful woman there who had close to 40 years of sobriety. Beautiful, charming, wise, Dossie.

Angel Dossie.

Her words ring in my head today. She is gone now, but many remember her. She said the most amazing things that I remembered and carried with me. How could this beautiful and “together” woman be an alcoholic? I wanted what she had. I looked forward to when she would share each time and then laugh and smile (and cry) on the way home thinking about what she’d said—and her. How did she stay sober that long? Her spirit and light lives in me and sits there in the room with me, she kept me coming back whether or not she showed up that day. God was shining through her and is now shining through me.

One of the funniest (and wisest) things she once said was, “When you’re standing in a bucket of crap, don’t jump up and down.”

It made everyone laugh in the room. I was laughing too. Confused, at first, why she said that in an meeting for alcoholics, but now it makes perfect sense.

The perfect metaphor for my life. I spent so much time jumping up and down in the bucket. The drama of it all, you know? If I stepped into the bucket of crap, I would ask, “why me? and poor me...and pour me a drink” 

In sobriety, I learned how to stand still in the bucket of crap, weigh the situation, not react, but respond calmly. Now I ask, “ok, what’s the next right thing for me to do?” After I have pause and prayed, I call a few friends in recovery, go to a meeting or two—then I am able to confidently step out of the bucket and keep walking forward. I didn’t say it was easy, but behaviors can change. Stuff happens. It’s our response to it that makes the difference for us and others. We do have the ability to change. The “not jumping up and down” were the keys to my sanity and serenity.

The other thing Dossie always said was, “There’s nothing in my life, no situation that I find myself in—that a drink won’t make worse!”

When you would ask her how she was doing that day, her answer was always the same, “Never better.”

At the end of the meeting when we held hands, said the Lord’s Prayer and then we’d say aloud, “Keep coming back, it works!”  Instead, Dossie always said rather loudly, 

“Keep coming back, I NEED YOU!”

Today, I am jumping up and down less.

Today, I am praying I might be somebody else’s angel, like Dossie.

Keep coming back, I need you!

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

Philippians 4:6-7

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WILLFUL BLINDNESS

It came to me the other day that my drinking was willful blindness. Mindless decisions. Drink. Have fun and not think. Then oblivion. 

What is willful blindness?

“Turning a blind eye to the truth in order to feel safe, to avoid conflict, reduce anxiety and fear.”

I can identify with all of those things. Reaching for alcohol was the easy way to avoid any kind of pain associated with facing conflict, anxiety and fear. It was easy for a while. Temporary solution. Then it wasn’t.

When I woke up to reality again, I realized that I had solved nothing. All I had done was make my body suffer, postpone thoughts, reinforced my fears, created MORE anxiety, and worst of all, the conflict was still there. Addiction defies logic. 

Isolation became the only way I felt safe. This cycle continued for many years, until it didn’t feel real anymore. I was looking at the world from a very lonely place. I knew that God had more for me and this couldn’t be my ultimate purpose. I didn’t know how to live my life without alcohol. People ask, “Can’t you just stop?"

If I could have stopped on my own, I would have. 

The only way out for me was surrender to God. “God help me. I can’t do this without you.”

If I had known it was as simple as handing over the car keys to God, I may have done it sooner in my life. I had been wrestling with God for so many years. I wanted to be in HIS WILL, but how was I to know that would work. All I could see was me. Wasn’t it up to me? My own will and choice in all matters. God gave us free will, right? Wasn’t “turning it over to God” abdicating any responsibility for what should be my choice? 

No—Exactly the opposite. When I finally turned my will over to God and asked for His help, I was relieved of that bondage of self. The power I gained to go forward and partner in my thinking with God, was astounding. The magic of this is that you don’t get to know that and truly experience the force of the power that is available to you until you trust. Trust that God will show up. Be there to help.

Try it. I did.

And, my life has not been the same since the day I turned my will over to God. The obsession to drink, or do anything to avoid feeling pain, has been lifted. My power source to move into God’s Will has been effortless. Oh, I forget that I am not in control, for sure. I have to say the Third Step Prayer to remind myself each day.

This prayer helps me step out of God’s way so I can be of service to others:

Third Step Prayer

God, I offer myself to Thee, to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of Life. May I do Thy will always! Amen

“Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

Isaiah 41:10

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SURPRISE PARTY

I heard a woman share in her story the other day that coming into a meeting for the first time was like, “They were throwing a surprise party just for me. They clapped and cheered when I told them I didn’t have a drink today.”

Surprise! You’re an alcoholic!

Sometimes we are the last to know. We knew there was something wrong in our lives, but it couldn’t be the alcohol, right? Everybody drinks, don’t they? Just because I drink now and then, doesn’t make me an alcoholic. Now and then. That seemed to be the problem. The justification of now AND then covered all of time for me. That was denial.

We can be sneaky with ourselves and others. Denial keeps us stuck in a place without possibility. We keep doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Insanity.

So, when the consequences happen and we get the baseball bat to the head, we actually see that what we are doing is not working anymore. That’s when we can start to poke holes in the top of the box we’ve put ourselves in. The light starts to shine through tiny holes. We can finally see how the alcohol might be a problem and there may be another way out of this prison we found ourselves in.

When we put down the drink. Ask for help. Come to meetings. Sit and listen to others’ stories that are remarkably like our own—that’s when the surprise party begins for us. God begins to speak directly to ME through the other people’s stories I hear in the meetings.

Yes, we are holding a place for you. There’s more of us than you realize. We are all here waiting to cheer you on to live in the truth and seeing that sobriety can be the surprise gift you were always wanting and waiting for.

I didn’t want to BE an alcoholic, let alone a grateful one. Now, I am thrilled to admit that fact. I am a grateful alcoholic. In admitting it, I clear away all of the justification for bad behavior, break the silence that keeps my addiction in place, and I can see the truth—meeting it head on—together with you and with God.

And, the best part...

I get to show up and help somebody else be present for their surprise party!

What a gift.

To them and to me.

You can do it too.

“Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

John 8:32

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STILL ROW TO SHORE

There is a difference between giving up and surrendering.

BIG difference.

Giving up is all about me. If I give up, I have thrown in the towel. I can’t do it anymore and that is the end of it.

Surrender involves a partnership. Surrender means that I acknowledge there is something else out there to help me once I let go of my old ways.

God.

That doesn’t mean I have no part in it anymore. It means that I have surrendered control and now my action plan to move forward has an invisible motor—power beyond myself that will lift and carry me through my own actions.

There is a poster of a man in a boat rowing all by himself. Water leaks into the boat from holes in the bottom making it look like he will sink. Above his head reads:

Trust in God.  Below the boat it reads:   And, still row to shore.

We are partners now. With God’s help and my own action steps,

I can do this life sober—not giving up, but surrendering.

Sweet surrender.

Power.

“In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your path.”  Proverbs 3:6

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SELF CARE

When service becomes exhausting for me, it’s called codependency!

I realized after getting sober, I was also very codependent. I heard someone say the definition of codependency that resonated with me: “Helping another person at the expense of myself.” That is the exhausting part. Giving up something I need to do for myself and my own sobriety to help someone else. That is not helping either person.

I learned in early sobriety, that the quickest way out of my own spiraled thinking, was to help someone else—to be of service. This worked for me, and I also have to balance that with self-care. There is a middle ground where I can be in service and still stay healthy. Boundaries. To, not only, leave time for me, MAKE time for me.

How do I do this and reframe it?

Self-care.

Self-care is not Selfish.

What is Self-care?

Self-care is being intentional with your time and with boundaries for your own sobriety, meditating, praying, spending time with loved ones or outside with exercise, going to meetings to hear God speak.

We can’t give what we don’t have.

We need to fill our spiritual tank. 

Rest in this day.

“Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.”

James 4:10

TRUTH

The other day, I was listening to a prominent psychologist talk about, “how to impose order on the chaos of our lives.” It was so brilliant, I had to listen to it twice because a lot of how he presents is way over my head. But the thing that stuck with me is that he said that—there is tremendous adventure in telling the truth because you don’t know what’s going to happen.

Wow. So good.

When you hide things, they grow and you shrink. The opposite happens when you tell the truth—the things you were hiding shrink and YOU grow.

When the truth is told, it takes the power out of carrying that in your head. It is always smaller out here than how you were spinning it in your head. That is the concept of recovery meetings. Sharing our stories and truths to each other takes the weight off of our shoulders. We find out that in walking sobriety with one another, it lightens our load knowing that we are not alone.

I am not usually a huge risk-taker, but I have become one in sobriety. What that looks like for me now is this—I may hesitate to share that I am an alcoholic in recovery because of the judgement or stigma associated with saying it. And, when I do choose to share my truth about that, it almost always ends up helping somebody else! Which is now my main purpose. That is the adventure part. Taking that risk so that I may be of service to another.

So when I think of imposing order in the chaos of my life, it always involves telling the truth. Admitting I was an alcoholic (finally) was the leap of faith I needed to take. The truth. Now, what to do next. I knew that I could not do it on my own power.

When I surrendered my will and life over to God, the adventure began. I needed help to live this live sober and to do that, I needed help from God and others like myself.

That’s why I still go to meetings after 7,886 days of sobriety—to hear God speak to me through others in the room. To watch that transformation in them and hear their truth, mine becomes—and remains—undeniable.

The truth really will set you free.

Try it.

Let the adventure begin.

“Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

John 8:32

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SCRIPT FOR THE DISEASE

I have always struggled with the concept of alcoholism being described as a disease. In one sense theoretically, it is. And, the treatment is a spiritual solution coupled with the action of taking the 12-Steps. 

In the spiritual solution we have to admit, while it was a choice when we started drinking, the escalation of the addiction to alcohol, rendered us powerless to stop on our own—both physically and spiritually. There was no choice at our bottom. The Big Book of A.A. describes in the Doctor’s Opinion: “…an allergy of the body coupled with the obsession of the mind.” The nature of addiction. The action part, which is up to us for healing, is taking the 12-steps with a sponsor.

If you have cancer, you begin treatment to arrest it or heal it. My individual “treatment” or “medicine” for my disease of alcoholism is: Surrender to God, stop drinking, go to meetings, get a sponsor, work the 12-steps, and continue process daily. 

Others struggle with addiction being a moral issue. I love the way this passage from As Bill See’s It, page 32 articulates how I feel about it:

Moral Responsibility

"Some strongly object to the A.A position that alcoholism is an illness. This concept, they feel, removes moral responsibility from alcoholics. As any A.A. knows, this is far from true. We do not use the concept of sickness to absolve our members from responsibility. On the contrary, we use the fact of fatal illness to clamp the heaviest kind of moral obligation onto the sufferer, the obligation to use A.A.’s Twelve Steps to get well. In the early days of his drinking the alcoholic is often guilty of irresponsibility. But once the time of compulsive drinking has arrived, he can’t very well be held fully accountable for his conduct. He then has an obsession that condemns him to drink, and a bodily sensitivity to alcohol that guarantees his final sadness and death. But when he is made aware of this condition, he is under pressure to accept A.A.’s program of Moral regeneration.”

Definition of Regeneration:  Spiritual or moral revival or rebirth.

I believe recovery involves our choice to stop, coupled with a surrender to God because we were unable to do it on our own. This is when the regeneration starts. Working the 12 Steps and going to meetings regularly. The process of recovery is ongoing. The work is mine. The transformation and outcome is God’s. It’s tricky.

Time got us to where we arrived at the bottom, and only time invested reversing this process will aid in the reversal.

There is still a stigma associated with Alcoholism created by the lack of understanding by those walking on the fringes of addiction or beside the alcoholic. It is confusing to the onlooker how alcoholics will continue choosing behaviors that don’t work for them, and make terrible choices that lead to remaining stuck in the addiction cycle. They, too, are powerless over the alcoholic and the process.

Addiction affects not only the addict, but all those around them. My hope and prayer for alcoholics, addicts and those who love them, is for extra grace on both sides.

The 3 C’s of Al Anon: 1 - Didn’t Cause it.  2 - Can’t Change it.  3 - Can’t Cure it.

For the many caught in the addiction cycle and for all of those caught up in the fallout of an addict/alcoholic that you love who is still active in their disease—

I am praying.

Hang in there.

There is hope.

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.  For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.”

Matthew 7:7-8

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THE STEPS

S.T.E.P. — Solution To Every Problem.

I heard this acronym early in sobriety and recently, a friend reminded me of it. When we were in the middle of our addiction and obsession with drugs and alcohol, that was the solution. Except for the fact that it was a lie. It was a coverup for anything but a solution. 

It was chaos and confusion. The puzzle pieces of my life were not fitting together. They were scattered about. The drugs and alcohol kept every problem in my life firmly in place. No movement. No growth. Static. No change.

When I took the alcohol out of the equation. That was a start to having some clarity. The first step was admitting I was powerless over my life—people, places and things. Then I had to surrender to God. 

I can’t. He can. I think I’ll let Him. (Steps one, two and three)

I realized that was only the beginning.

When I started working the 12 steps with my sponsor, my life began to change. I found solutions to all problems that I was facing in my life. The pieces were fitting together in a more orderly way. I urge you to take these 12 Steps and see how they can help you. They are amazing tools I can use daily—not just once, but many times. 

They are a roadmap to life. A design for living. A pathway to peace. Taking this life as it is, not as I would have it. Trusting God to handle the details. 

Here is a quick review of how The Steps work to stay in the solution:

Steps 1 through 3 — getting right with God

Steps 4 through 7 —  getting right with myself

Steps 8 and 9 —getting right with others

Steps 10, 11 and 12 — Staying right on a daily basis

It is a lifelong journey with God, myself and with others around me daily through…

Prayer and Meditation

Reviewing Behaviors

Amending

Staying in Solutions

Serving Others

“In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps.”

Proverbs 16:9

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SIMILARITIES, NOT DIFFERENCES

I was taught in sobriety to look for the similarities in other alcoholics, not the differences. To identify with them and not compare myself with others.

To identify implies seeing likenesses.

Comparing implies looking for better than or less than.

When we compare ourselves, we separate from others. When we identify, we lift ourselves out of isolation and become “part of.” The way out of the pit of isolation is to identify, be a part of, and to notice and feel similarities with our fellow alcoholics.

When I see the differences, I become “separate.”

When I see the similarities, I become “part of.”

This empowers us. It helps us step out of judgement into acceptance. Find somebody, see how they are like you and talk with them. I think you’ll find that feeling of belonging—

Then do it again.

Then again.

You in yet?

“Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.”

1 Thessalonians 5:11

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DYNAMIC PATIENCE

What?

When I think of having patience, I think of being static. Stuck. Until something happens to take me out of waiting.

But, patience is not necessarily static, being stuck or waiting.

Patience: 1) bearing pains or trials calmly or without complaint; 2) steadfast despite opposition, difficulty, or adversity. 3) not hasty or impetuous.

Static: 1) of or relating to bodies at rest or forces in equilibrium. 2) showing little change

Dynamic: marked by usually continuous and productive activity or change 2) of or relating to physical force or energy. 3) an underlying cause of change or growth.

Aha! There it is. “Dynamic: an underlying cause of change or growth.”

Sometimes I feel like I am put on hold— “Just wait patiently now.” My first instinct when hearing that from God is to resist. But, patience can be dynamic: “Steadfast despite opposition, difficulty or adversity—this being the underlying cause of change or growth.”

It’s much like being joyful in the midst of sadness.

God is not finished. I am a work in progress. There is more work God has in store for me if I just wait and pay attention. God is transforming behind the scenes—changing me as we go.

Pray.

Wait.

See.

“Can anyone hide out in a corner where I can’t see him?” God’s Decree. “Am I not present everywhere, whether seen or unseen?” God’s Decree.”

Jeremiah 23:24  (The Message)

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MY MESS BECAME MY MESSAGE

I didn’t want to become an alcoholic when I was young. I didn’t want to be and alcoholic when I was and actively drinking. And, most of all, I didn’t want to admit I was an alcoholic when I was at the end of my drinking. My life was a mess. I was out of control.

When I did finally admit that I was an alcoholic and surrendered to God, everything changed. I was free. The alcohol was separation from God. The way was clear for me to access God’s power. I got busy being sober, staying sober and helping others to get sober and stay sober.

My mess became my message.

Now I just show up and tell my story. A message of hope. If I can do this life without alcohol, so can you. That’s the message. God did for me what I could not do for myself. I realized that being an alcoholic and now being in recovery gave me a new purpose—

To help others like myself.

I had to be an alcoholic to be able to help another one like myself —Takes one to know one. I was in a unique position now, to help others just by my experience. My credibility skyrocketed when, with God’s help, I was able to step out of that mess and into the message I was to carry. To show others that they could do what I had done. Get sober and stay sober—with community and with God. That there was another way out of the addiction cycle. I began to understand that God could use a broken thing like me.

Broken people break things.

Hurt people, hurt people.

Healed people heal people.

That’s what we do now that we are in the process of healing...we help others on their healing path. In this way, we continue to heal ourselves and show others the way.

What a concept.

Service.

Giving away what was so freely given to us.

“You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love.” – Galatians 5:13

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DAILY REPRIEVE

It’s the new year. 

Ever since I got sober, I have not made resolutions for the new year. 

Why?

Because my sobriety is a daily resolution—a decision—to stay sober and practice all the things that keep me there. I have to choose daily to keep on this path. I have a “do over” every day! I get to review what was not working on the previous day and course-correct for this day.

My husband makes me a little number that I carry in my pocket each day, representing the number of days of sobriety I have. It reminds me to be grateful for this day and to not rest on my laurels, thinking of the years that it represents. He has done this for me since the very first day I got sober. I keep each one and they have now taken over my jewelry drawer. Gems I carry each day. Today is 7,844 days of continuous sobriety—by God’s grace and by my choosing every day to show up for one more day of sobriety.

My recovery plan for each day:

1)  I go to meetings. For me, that is 4 meetings a week. This is where I affirm my membership in my tribe. A tribe that is on the same path as me. It’s kind of like a gym membership, where everyone is trying to stay fit together, you know? We gather and talk with each other and stay mentally and spiritually fit. By sharing what we are struggling with today. In doing that, two things happen: One, by saying it out loud, it takes the power out of the thing I was carrying in my head. And, Two, it may help another person acknowledge the same thing and be helped in the process too.

2)  I pray and turn my life over to God. In doing this, I acknowledge that I am not doing this recovery thing on my own power. I know that God is doing for me what I could not do for myself. I start every day with the Third Step Prayer: “God, I offer myself to Thee, to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of Life. May I do Thy will always! Amen.”

In the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, the phrase “What we have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition.” means that in our recovery, we can remain sober one-day-at-a-time by nurturing our spiritual well-being. 

3)  I connect with my sponsor and women that I sponsor to see how I can be of service today. Meeting with someone to walk through their steps with them.

4)  I write in my journal about the step that I am on today. Usually, it is the step of the month of the Twelve Steps. January is Step One: “Admitted we were powerless over alcohol and that our lives had become unmanageable.”

Sounds like New Year’s Resolutions, don’t they?

These are the practices we are taught to incorporate in our daily program. I am praying that this is the year that you choose to live a sober life. It is so worth it. I hear people in our recovery program say how grateful they are for the 12-Steps and this process. They wish that everyone could have these tools to practice in their daily lives.

I do too.

And—you can have them.

Join us and then get ready for miracles.

“Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.”

Psalms 90:12

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BELONGING TO FAMILY

Family is everything.

At Christmas, we usually reconnect with family.

Who is our family? 

To some of us, our family of origin may have been a bit confusing. Sometimes in family, in our daily world, we experience fear, born out of relationship interactions with each other—clouded by the temptations of this world. We learn that we are not safe. In the fear, we turn to other things that can fill that hole of loneliness and darkness that only the world can show us. Drugs, alcohol, whatever may soothe us and help us feel ok and a “part of” again. That feeling where alcohol or drugs take us is not real. It is temporary and not sustainable. It always wears off. Goes away. 

What IS sustainable?

Spiritual Relationship.

It starts vertically, with surrender to God. God loves us so much that he wants to connect with us, again—or for the first time. God is there waiting. When that relationship starts with the Father, then we can go out horizontally to others in “the family”—our brothers and sisters in our immediate family and then others in our extended family—all others we meet along our path.

God’s light in our life is real. We can shine that light for others and show them the way to live in Peace—together.

Romans 8:15 it states: 

“ The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship.” 

This passage suggests that all believers are adopted into God’s family through faith in Jesus Christ! 

It’s more than just words—it’s an invitation to belong.

Reach out to another today.

Shine your light.

Show them that they belong.

“For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works, so that no one can boast.”

Ephesians 2:8-9

A.A. IS FOR QUITTERS

Well, of course it is.

I heard someone who is a big drinker say that so-and-so stopped drinking and is now going to AA meetings. He laughed, then said, “As I always say, AA is for quitters.”

He really meant it as a put-down for people who can’t handle their drinking (like he can), so they have to stop. It also screams loudly of his own denial that he can’t quit, so he has to brag that it’s a virtue to be able to keep drinking.

In sports, a “quitter” is a wimp. In the realm of recovery, a “quitter” is the star.

Drinking, getting drunk, and finding others to endorse that behavior is easy. Quitting a destructive lifestyle and having the guts to tell others about it is the tougher road.

Quitting drinking to have a better life is not for wimps. I applaud those with the strength to quit that lifestyle and live in healthy purpose.

I pray for those who are not ready to quit.

I’m holding a seat for you in the meeting.

“You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.”

Ephesians 4:22-24

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ONE AMONG MANY

I spent many years trying to succeed and be the best at everything. It was all about performance and “standing out.” There was so much pressure in that. The greatest judge of whether I was succeeding or not was me. It was too much work, exhausting and unfulfilling. I found my drinking escalating to help me cope with that high bar I had placed on myself. 

When I hit my bottom of drinking, I could not hold all of that together anymore by myself. When I found recovery meetings, they told me when I was broken and lost to “stay at the center of the herd” Just as in the animal kingdom, many packs hide their young at the center of the herd for them to not to be picked off by predators while standing on the perimeter. One among many.

I also found that I could not just stand on the perimeter of this program of recovery, one foot in and one foot out—I had to jump in with both feet. In the Big Book of AA, it says, “Half measures availed us nothing. We stood at the turning point. We asked His protection and care with complete abandon...No one among us has been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence to these principles. We are not saints. The point is, that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines. The principles we have set down are guides to progress. We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection."

Until I understood that the others in recovery were there showing me how to do this life sober, I had to stay in the middle of the herd and learn under their protection. I had to stop thinking I knew how to do this on my own through progress, not perfection. In the chapter on “How It Works” of the Big Book of AA it says, "First of all, we had to quit playing God. It didn’t work. Next, we decided that hereafter in this drama of life, God was going to be our Director. He is the Principal; we are His agents. He is the Father, and we are His children. Most good ideas are simple, and this concept was the keystone of the new and triumphant arch through which we passed to freedom."

The longer we stay together in the meetings, learn, and trust God, we get stronger and become able to stand strong for the others in the group who are still suffering. I became one among many which was a comforting place to be for me alongside my fellows in sobriety. No standing out. No pressure of being the best at this. Once I figured out that it wasn’t all about me anymore, I could finally get out of my own way and be of service to God and to others within the group. Everyone brings different gifts to the table.

We can’t do this alone. I love surrounding those who need to stay in the middle of the herd while they are in their suffering. I don’t need to stand out any longer. I understand and love being One Among Many.

Grateful to know there is a way out.

Grateful to be able to show the way.

Grateful to be of service in this way.

“There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit distributes them. There are different kinds of service, but the same Lord. There are different kinds of working, but in all of them and in everyone it is the same God at work.”

1 Corinthians 12:4-6

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HIDING IN PLAIN SIGHT

When I was in the last of my drinking days, I thought I was pretty good at hiding how much I was drinking.

Apparently not.

This cartoon reminds me of a conversation I had with my husband in the days leading up to my bottom. We were both trying to lose weight. It was the holidays and close to the new year of 2004. He was resolving to eat less sweets and soda. I was resolving to drink less beer, which included putting gin in my beer to get me drunk faster and consume less calories while doing so.

Sounds like a great plan, eh?

So, I asked him one day, “How is that chocolate chip cookie and coke diet working for you?” To which he replied, “Great. How is that beer and gin diet working for you?”

Busted.

I was mortified that he knew. I had no idea he knew how I was staying drunk on less beer. Hiding. I was obviously not hiding it from him. Of course, that didn’t make me practice this behavior less. I just chose to ignore it—until soon after that, I stopped the beer altogether and started drinking straight gin. Gin in my water bottle.

Hiding in plain sight.

My addiction sped up. It turned out to be a good thing because it took me to my bottom faster. When I finally decided to stop, my body wouldn’t let me. Cold turkey was not an option for this body. After almost seizing and dying in the hospital, I woke up and realized why people go to detox. I had no idea my body had become that addicted and needed the straight alcohol at that point.

Everybody is different with regard to levels of alcohol and stopping—withdrawal. What isn’t different is that help is needed to stay stopped. If I could have stopped on my own before that point, I would have. I needed to completely surrender to God and then reach out for help from others in the form of meetings and finding a sponsor.

You can do this, I know.

If I did it, you can do it.

I’m here to help.

“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.”

1 John 1:9

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