O.D.A.T WITH H.P.

Last Sunday I celebrated 8000 days of sobriety—

One Day At a Time with Higher Power.

My husband has devotedly made a little number for each day of my sobriety since day one to support me. I carry it in my pocket to remind me that this day I choose sobriety and I have my husband’s support and alignment with that choice. Accountability. What a gift.

When I first got sober, I felt so alive and ready to take on the world again. First, I had to stop blurring the big picture with alcohol. Then, admit I was powerless and my life had become unmanageable. Then, turn my will and life over to God.

Then, get healthy again. 

One of the things I had set up in my life that was NOT healthy was committing to too many things. If I kept running and “doing,” I felt like I was “accomplishing” something. Being useful. Helpful. Having purpose.

I was trying to do my job AND God’s job. Part of surrendering to God is letting go of controlling the outcomes in my life. Not my job. I need God’s help. I need to show up and pray for God’s will and then let him be in charge of the outcome.

When I realized this, the transformation began. It was pride and arrogance that kept me stuck in my own power.

I think God is calling me to slow down and do SOME of the things with all of me and not ALL of the things with some of me. My purpose now is to show up each day for somebody else who is still suffering with all of me. I get to be here to support you in this day. Thank you, God, for slowing me down to see what you have planned for me each day in Your Will—

Right here. 

Right now.

All of the time. 

7th Step Prayer—“My Creator, I am now willing that you should have all of me, good and bad.  I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows. Grant me the strength, as I go out from here, to do your bidding.  Amen.” 

“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”

Romans 12:2

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THE PROMISES

I have always loved reading The Promises in our recovery meetings. They are the promises that start to come true for us after we finish working our ninth step. It is about making amends to the people we have harmed, letting go of past hurts, and forgiveness.

The Ninth Step Promises speak of the positive transformations that we will experience after doing the hard work of introspection with our sponsor. I love the “if we are painstaking…” meaning if we actually do the inside work, we will receive emotional and spiritual growth and know the benefits of making amends and taking responsibility for past actions.

Just the reading of The Promises in every meeting, brings me peace and settles me.

THE PROMISES:

“If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.

Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us-sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.”

The work done in the 12-Steps is truly transformative. If we work them with our sponsors, it will be even better. A sponsor can guide us and point out different perspectives that we don’t necessarily see on our own. We are doing the work and God is doing the transforming.

Step into freedom.

Recovery works, if you work it.

I promise.

“Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth.”

Genesis 9:16

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DUMPSTER MEETING

Early last Saturday morning, I attended an AA meeting online—

6:00 am! 

My stepson was chairing (telling his story of recovery) celebrating 15 years of sobriety. What a privilege to show up for him and for the other recovering alcoholics online and in the room.

The “room” being a local coffee shop that allows this meeting to gather and hold their meeting before they actually open their doors for breakfast at 7am. The coolest part of this meeting is that it was started by my stepson and his buddy right before the pandemic. Just the two of them. In the coffee shop. It grew and then, during the pandemic, when we were not allowed to meet indoors, they started meeting outside in the back parking lot. They sat in beach chairs next to the dumpster with a laptop. Then, adding more people online. They eventually moved back inside to the coffee shop and still remained online, from his laptop.

The point being, is that the persistence of these people trying to stay sober during hard times was quite amazing.

That morning, there were ten men sitting at a long table and six more on zoom with me. They were all there to celebrate my stepson’s 15 years of sobriety. What a gift. They all talked about how he had invited them to his meeting (by invitation only) and they branched out to other meetings after that. They talked of his example of how to stay sober influenced them to stay sober too. He was a model for all of these men.

I was in tears the whole time. So proud of him. He started his story talking about starting the meetings out by the dumpster in the parking lot and how it was a glimpse of our lives before we got sober—coming out of the dumpster—now trying to clean up the garbage that we had created in our lives. Great picture. 

He also talked about coming to one of his first meetings and seeing a man who would become his sponsor. His sponsor was sitting in that meeting wearing a suit, dressed to go to work after the meeting. My Stepson saw himself in that person and identified. He saw others like himself and knew he belonged and was in the right place. He became “part of”… That is how our meetings work. 

There are meetings everywhere.

Surrender to God and the process—come join us.

We’ll save a beach chair for you.

“And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—”

Hebrews 10:24-25

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WINDS OF CHANGE

On my morning walk the other day, there were fierce winds happening. We don’t have that often. I was praying as I was walking and asking God to guide and direct my thinking for that day because I was obsessing on a problem I had been dealing with for some time. When I surrendered the problem to God (finally), The thought He gave me was, “winds of change”

This reminded me that the only thing I can change is me. Change my thoughts, my focus, my actions. I cannot change the “problem” over there. This also reminds me of the daily Serenity Prayer. This is the extended version below:

The Serenity Prayer

“God grant me the serenity
 to accept the things I cannot change;
 the courage to change the things I can; 
and wisdom to know the difference. 
Living one day at a time;
 Enjoying one moment at a time;
 Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
 Taking, as He did, this sinful world
 as it is, not as I would have it;
 Trusting that He will make all things right, 
if I surrender to His Will;
 That I may be reasonably happy in this life 
and supremely happy with Him
 Forever in the next.
 Amen.”

My favorite line in that extended version is “Taking, as He did, this sinful world
 as it is, not as I would have it.”

“Not as I would have it” phrase actually calms me, knowing that God has everything and I don’t have to “figure it all out!”

If I could, I would.

I can’t, so I won’t.

Thank you, God.

No fear, just faith.

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.”

2 Timothy 1:7

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DRASTIC THOUGHT

When I was drinking, my life was full of drama and chaos. I needed to make a drastic change to get out of that lifestyle and thinking. First, I needed to stop drinking.

Period. 

Then begin to deal with my mental and spiritual mindset.

Sobriety is about doing everything the exact opposite of what I did before I got sober. Drastically-changed behaviors. I have learned that whatever my mind thinks first as a possible good idea needs to be challenged. I have to ask God to help me pause and review what I am thinking and direct me to the next right step or behavior. I never did that before. I just reacted. I just did things—without thinking.

It got me thinking about opposites.

I recently came across these paradoxes put forth by Alcoholics Anonymous:

• From weakness comes strength

• We suffer to get well

• We die to live

• We surrender to win

• From dependence we found independence 

• We forgive to be forgiven

• We give it away to keep it

• From darkness comes light

I think this 11th Step Prayer or the Prayer of St. Francis emphasizes the weaknesses to show the drastic nature of what the solution or hope will be. This prayer always lifts me and makes me know there is hope.

11th Step Prayer

“Lord, make me a channel of thy peace, that where there is hatred, I may bring love. That where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness. That where there is discord, I may bring harmony. That where there is error, I may bring truth. That where there is doubt, I may bring faith.That where there is despair, I may bring hope. That where there are shadows, I may bring light. That where there is sadness, I may bring joy. Lord, grant that I may seek rather to comfort than to be comforted to understand, than to be understood to love, than to be loved. For it is by self-forgetting that one finds. It is by forgiving that one is forgiven. It is by dying that one awakens to eternal life. Amen”

There is hope.

“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

2 Corinthians 12:9

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SALVAGING THE REJECTS

The other day, someone was talking about the art of Kintsugi.

Kintsugi: is the ancient Japanese art of placing broken pottery pieces back together with lacquer mixed with precious metals, like gold. It literally means “golden repair” Kintusgi is part of a philosophy of embracing our human flaws and life’s fragility. Teaching us that adversity can be turned into something that is beautiful and strong. It illustrates that we can heal from our wounds and embrace imperfections to become resilient again.

In a video I saw of a woman who does this Kintsugi art, she describes how she literally, “salvages the rejects” of the pottery out of the kiln firing process to make new pottery.

This reminds me of the process of recovery.

At our bottoms, we often think of ourselves as rejects. Hopeless alcoholics or drug addicts. Broken and not “fixable.” I believe we are all redeemable and worthy of restoration. This simple image of restoration is how we are made new in the process of recovery.

Broken, but not rejected. With the helping hand of others putting the pieces back together of our lives after the chaos and confusion of addiction. And, also with the helping hand of God (the golden repair) in this process of putting back together the broken pieces to make a new creation of ourselves.

We are made new in this process of recovery.

New path. A different way. Not old patterns. New attitude and re-framing of our thinking.

Made Beautiful.

Made Strong.

With God’s help.

“You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.”

Ephesians 4:22-24

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SURRENDER TO WIN

In a military battle, surrender is giving up—the battle lost to the enemy. Man to man combat. Surrender means I lost. In my struggle with alcohol, it was a battle of my own physical obsession and not having the willpower to stop. I was choosing the destructive path and defeating myself.

Recovery starts with surrendering my human power to God.

Step One.

“Admitted we were powerless over addiction and our lives had become unmanageable.”

Surrendering to God is not giving up. It is submitting to the Will of God and gaining access to the greatest power in the universe. Surrendering to the authority of God in my life, who only wants good for me. God does the transforming. I need to show up in humility, knowing this is a spiritual battle for my soul. 

When I surrendered my will and life to God, only then did I step out of the prison I found myself in with alcohol—the enemy. The enemy of my state of being. 

I needed to surrender to win.

Peace is the result of my surrender to God—and the power given to me to rest in that peace and share it with others.

I need full armor of God.

I stand ready.

So can you. 

Ephesians 6:10-17

"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God."

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GRACE

I have always been confused when people say, “God never gives us more than we can handle.”

The truth is that there IS more than we can handle by ourselves here on earth, so we must to turn to Him! We can’t do this alone. We think we can, in our arrogance—but no.

I heard one of our pastors tell her story. She went through many hardships as a child. She shared a plaque that was in her mother’s house as she was growing up.

“The will of God will never lead you where the Grace of God cannot keep you.”

That’s more like it. This hard stuff I am enduring right now is an opportunity to look for the grace—the free gift. Then we are amazed when God weaves it all together so masterfully to bless us in this tapestry of life. A life undeserved. There are no degrees of grace. 

He will reveal what we need to know, when we need to know it if we trust.

Grace—unmerited favor.

A free gift.

Thank you, God.

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” 

2 Corinthians 12:9

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BONDAGE OF SELF

I love this photo. A beautiful friend sent this, who knows me well. 

She knows that I am great at “stealing the pen.” (From God)

How about you?

Are you letting God lead your story instead of trying to control the narrative? I know that I WANT to give it over to God and to live in His will for my life, but sometimes, my plans seem pretty cool for today. I’m pretty happy with my way. And, sometimes—most times—it leads me to trouble. Then, right back to God. Asking for His will for me and the power to carry that out. 

I have to look right in front of me, sometimes. Right there. Look and see it. “But, I don’t want to do that right now.”  But, God does want me to do that. Like a father with a child. He’s trying to show the best path for me. I’m the one who doesn’t want to see. 

Or, won’t see—That is my will.

That is why I have to pause and ask God if this is His will for me today. I start every day with the 3rd Step prayer:

“God, I offer myself to Thee. To build with me and do with me as thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I might better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy love and Thy way of life. May I do Thy will always. Amen.”

Such a good way for me to put down the pen and let God keep writing my story.

Two phrases in that prayer help me:  “Relieve me of the bondage of self”—that gets me out of God’s way and being self-centered. Then, having victory over my difficulties to bear witness to others—service! Great reminder that it’s not about me.

When I stopped drinking and turned my life over to God, I started being of service to others, God began writing my story the way He intended it to go. I got out of the way. It is a process of daily getting out of God’s way and my own way.

Each day I have to remember to:

Put down the pen.

Get out of God’s way.

Trust the Author.

“Thy kingdom come.Thy will be done. On earth as it is in heaven.”

Matthew 6:10

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HOPE

If you are looking for reasons to NOT believe in God, you will find them. If you are looking for reasons to believe in God, you will find them. The evidence is overwhelming. This morning I saw a rainbow over the ocean. It gave me hope.

My question is, “Why NOT believe in God? What do I have to lose—in fact, I have everything to gain.” Why would I not accept help.

My plan was not working the way I was going, so it seems logical to receive the help that is offered. Right? The gift of grace is freely given. How arrogant of me to reject that free gift?

Humbling myself is hard, but always being “right” is even harder. Haha.

There might be another way…

When I was at the bottom of my drinking, I was at the end of me. My way. My will was not working. Surrendering to God for help was the choice in front of me. I am glad I chose that route, because the help was immediate. My obsession with alcohol was lifted and I was free in a moment of time.

That was, and continues to be, a miracle every day. I thought I would not be able to live this life without alcohol. This was a lie I had told myself for so long that I believed it. When I rejected that lie and asked God to help me, He did. Magically.

Stubborn me. Simple but not easy. It required me to let go of old thinking, behaviors and beliefs—try a new path in partnership with others and with God.

I have been free of the need to drink or medicate myself in any way for 7,940 days in a row. Such a gift. Now, I want to tell others that it is that simple. Be bold and take that step. Trust.

Let others help.

Let God in to help.

Watch the change happen.

You will be amazed.

“I have set my rainbow in the clouds, and it will be the sign of the covenant between me and the earth.”

Genesis 9:13

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STAY IN YOUR LANE

I was a competitive swimmer in high school. I competed in every stroke, but my favorite stroke was butterfly. In the competition, it was critical that you stay in your own lane. If you didn’t, you would likely be disqualified if you interfered with another swimmer by entering their lane or reaching over the floating lane dividers.

Often swimming butterfly, if you veered a little off your straight line, both arms come over the top at the same time and you could fling your arms over into the next lane. I even remember bumping arms with someone in the next lane mid-stroke. I never got disqualified for that, but the lane dividers were there for just that purpose, to keep you on course in the right direction going forward.

There is a phrase in recovery that we use, “stay in your own lane” You can help another alcoholic and come alongside them, but you can’t do it for them. You can’t get into their life and meddle. If asked and invited, we can offer suggestions on how they might try a different behavior or course of action—guide them through the steps—But, they have to do the work.

Now, “Stay in your lane” has a very special meaning to me after getting sober, and realizing that I was a codependent person. I would like to fix and help everyone, so I slosh over into their lane regularly to tell them how their life would be easier if they just did “this” haha. The lanes are there for a purpose. a reminder to focus on my own responsibilities— not interfering in matters that do not concern me or where I lack sufficient knowledge.

I also use the phrase, “hands off” to myself and physically put my hands in the air, signaling that I am giving them to God. I cannot manage their sobriety for them. Early in my sponsoring days many years ago, I had a women relapse that I sponsored. I was so upset that I went to my sponsor and shared it with her. I said to her, “There must have been something I could have said or done to help her not relapse??” And, my sponsor so brilliantly said these words to me:

“Heidi, you are not that powerful.”

Hit me hard. God does not need my help. God is the one transforming them.

My job is just…

Swimmin’ alongside

Stayin’ and prayin’

Here for help when needed

“Let your eyes look straight ahead; fix your gaze directly before you. Give careful thought to the paths for your feet and be steadfast in all your ways.”

Proverbs 4:25-26

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STANDING IN A BUCKET

The first women’s meeting I walked into in when I got sober, became my home group women’s meeting. I was definately “home” here. All the women said what I was thinking. They WERE me. There was a beautiful woman there who had close to 40 years of sobriety. Beautiful, charming, wise, Dossie.

Angel Dossie.

Her words ring in my head today. She is gone now, but many remember her. She said the most amazing things that I remembered and carried with me. How could this beautiful and “together” woman be an alcoholic? I wanted what she had. I looked forward to when she would share each time and then laugh and smile (and cry) on the way home thinking about what she’d said—and her. How did she stay sober that long? Her spirit and light lives in me and sits there in the room with me, she kept me coming back whether or not she showed up that day. God was shining through her and is now shining through me.

One of the funniest (and wisest) things she once said was, “When you’re standing in a bucket of crap, don’t jump up and down.”

It made everyone laugh in the room. I was laughing too. Confused, at first, why she said that in an meeting for alcoholics, but now it makes perfect sense.

The perfect metaphor for my life. I spent so much time jumping up and down in the bucket. The drama of it all, you know? If I stepped into the bucket of crap, I would ask, “why me? and poor me...and pour me a drink” 

In sobriety, I learned how to stand still in the bucket of crap, weigh the situation, not react, but respond calmly. Now I ask, “ok, what’s the next right thing for me to do?” After I have pause and prayed, I call a few friends in recovery, go to a meeting or two—then I am able to confidently step out of the bucket and keep walking forward. I didn’t say it was easy, but behaviors can change. Stuff happens. It’s our response to it that makes the difference for us and others. We do have the ability to change. The “not jumping up and down” were the keys to my sanity and serenity.

The other thing Dossie always said was, “There’s nothing in my life, no situation that I find myself in—that a drink won’t make worse!”

When you would ask her how she was doing that day, her answer was always the same, “Never better.”

At the end of the meeting when we held hands, said the Lord’s Prayer and then we’d say aloud, “Keep coming back, it works!”  Instead, Dossie always said rather loudly, 

“Keep coming back, I NEED YOU!”

Today, I am jumping up and down less.

Today, I am praying I might be somebody else’s angel, like Dossie.

Keep coming back, I need you!

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

Philippians 4:6-7

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WILLFUL BLINDNESS

It came to me the other day that my drinking was willful blindness. Mindless decisions. Drink. Have fun and not think. Then oblivion. 

What is willful blindness?

“Turning a blind eye to the truth in order to feel safe, to avoid conflict, reduce anxiety and fear.”

I can identify with all of those things. Reaching for alcohol was the easy way to avoid any kind of pain associated with facing conflict, anxiety and fear. It was easy for a while. Temporary solution. Then it wasn’t.

When I woke up to reality again, I realized that I had solved nothing. All I had done was make my body suffer, postpone thoughts, reinforced my fears, created MORE anxiety, and worst of all, the conflict was still there. Addiction defies logic. 

Isolation became the only way I felt safe. This cycle continued for many years, until it didn’t feel real anymore. I was looking at the world from a very lonely place. I knew that God had more for me and this couldn’t be my ultimate purpose. I didn’t know how to live my life without alcohol. People ask, “Can’t you just stop?"

If I could have stopped on my own, I would have. 

The only way out for me was surrender to God. “God help me. I can’t do this without you.”

If I had known it was as simple as handing over the car keys to God, I may have done it sooner in my life. I had been wrestling with God for so many years. I wanted to be in HIS WILL, but how was I to know that would work. All I could see was me. Wasn’t it up to me? My own will and choice in all matters. God gave us free will, right? Wasn’t “turning it over to God” abdicating any responsibility for what should be my choice? 

No—Exactly the opposite. When I finally turned my will over to God and asked for His help, I was relieved of that bondage of self. The power I gained to go forward and partner in my thinking with God, was astounding. The magic of this is that you don’t get to know that and truly experience the force of the power that is available to you until you trust. Trust that God will show up. Be there to help.

Try it. I did.

And, my life has not been the same since the day I turned my will over to God. The obsession to drink, or do anything to avoid feeling pain, has been lifted. My power source to move into God’s Will has been effortless. Oh, I forget that I am not in control, for sure. I have to say the Third Step Prayer to remind myself each day.

This prayer helps me step out of God’s way so I can be of service to others:

Third Step Prayer

God, I offer myself to Thee, to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of Life. May I do Thy will always! Amen

“Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

Isaiah 41:10

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SURPRISE PARTY

I heard a woman share in her story the other day that coming into a meeting for the first time was like, “They were throwing a surprise party just for me. They clapped and cheered when I told them I didn’t have a drink today.”

Surprise! You’re an alcoholic!

Sometimes we are the last to know. We knew there was something wrong in our lives, but it couldn’t be the alcohol, right? Everybody drinks, don’t they? Just because I drink now and then, doesn’t make me an alcoholic. Now and then. That seemed to be the problem. The justification of now AND then covered all of time for me. That was denial.

We can be sneaky with ourselves and others. Denial keeps us stuck in a place without possibility. We keep doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Insanity.

So, when the consequences happen and we get the baseball bat to the head, we actually see that what we are doing is not working anymore. That’s when we can start to poke holes in the top of the box we’ve put ourselves in. The light starts to shine through tiny holes. We can finally see how the alcohol might be a problem and there may be another way out of this prison we found ourselves in.

When we put down the drink. Ask for help. Come to meetings. Sit and listen to others’ stories that are remarkably like our own—that’s when the surprise party begins for us. God begins to speak directly to ME through the other people’s stories I hear in the meetings.

Yes, we are holding a place for you. There’s more of us than you realize. We are all here waiting to cheer you on to live in the truth and seeing that sobriety can be the surprise gift you were always wanting and waiting for.

I didn’t want to BE an alcoholic, let alone a grateful one. Now, I am thrilled to admit that fact. I am a grateful alcoholic. In admitting it, I clear away all of the justification for bad behavior, break the silence that keeps my addiction in place, and I can see the truth—meeting it head on—together with you and with God.

And, the best part...

I get to show up and help somebody else be present for their surprise party!

What a gift.

To them and to me.

You can do it too.

“Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

John 8:32

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STILL ROW TO SHORE

There is a difference between giving up and surrendering.

BIG difference.

Giving up is all about me. If I give up, I have thrown in the towel. I can’t do it anymore and that is the end of it.

Surrender involves a partnership. Surrender means that I acknowledge there is something else out there to help me once I let go of my old ways.

God.

That doesn’t mean I have no part in it anymore. It means that I have surrendered control and now my action plan to move forward has an invisible motor—power beyond myself that will lift and carry me through my own actions.

There is a poster of a man in a boat rowing all by himself. Water leaks into the boat from holes in the bottom making it look like he will sink. Above his head reads:

Trust in God.  Below the boat it reads:   And, still row to shore.

We are partners now. With God’s help and my own action steps,

I can do this life sober—not giving up, but surrendering.

Sweet surrender.

Power.

“In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your path.”  Proverbs 3:6

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SELF CARE

When service becomes exhausting for me, it’s called codependency!

I realized after getting sober, I was also very codependent. I heard someone say the definition of codependency that resonated with me: “Helping another person at the expense of myself.” That is the exhausting part. Giving up something I need to do for myself and my own sobriety to help someone else. That is not helping either person.

I learned in early sobriety, that the quickest way out of my own spiraled thinking, was to help someone else—to be of service. This worked for me, and I also have to balance that with self-care. There is a middle ground where I can be in service and still stay healthy. Boundaries. To, not only, leave time for me, MAKE time for me.

How do I do this and reframe it?

Self-care.

Self-care is not Selfish.

What is Self-care?

Self-care is being intentional with your time and with boundaries for your own sobriety, meditating, praying, spending time with loved ones or outside with exercise, going to meetings to hear God speak.

We can’t give what we don’t have.

We need to fill our spiritual tank. 

Rest in this day.

“Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.”

James 4:10

TRUTH

The other day, I was listening to a prominent psychologist talk about, “how to impose order on the chaos of our lives.” It was so brilliant, I had to listen to it twice because a lot of how he presents is way over my head. But the thing that stuck with me is that he said that—there is tremendous adventure in telling the truth because you don’t know what’s going to happen.

Wow. So good.

When you hide things, they grow and you shrink. The opposite happens when you tell the truth—the things you were hiding shrink and YOU grow.

When the truth is told, it takes the power out of carrying that in your head. It is always smaller out here than how you were spinning it in your head. That is the concept of recovery meetings. Sharing our stories and truths to each other takes the weight off of our shoulders. We find out that in walking sobriety with one another, it lightens our load knowing that we are not alone.

I am not usually a huge risk-taker, but I have become one in sobriety. What that looks like for me now is this—I may hesitate to share that I am an alcoholic in recovery because of the judgement or stigma associated with saying it. And, when I do choose to share my truth about that, it almost always ends up helping somebody else! Which is now my main purpose. That is the adventure part. Taking that risk so that I may be of service to another.

So when I think of imposing order in the chaos of my life, it always involves telling the truth. Admitting I was an alcoholic (finally) was the leap of faith I needed to take. The truth. Now, what to do next. I knew that I could not do it on my own power.

When I surrendered my will and life over to God, the adventure began. I needed help to live this live sober and to do that, I needed help from God and others like myself.

That’s why I still go to meetings after 7,886 days of sobriety—to hear God speak to me through others in the room. To watch that transformation in them and hear their truth, mine becomes—and remains—undeniable.

The truth really will set you free.

Try it.

Let the adventure begin.

“Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

John 8:32

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SCRIPT FOR THE DISEASE

I have always struggled with the concept of alcoholism being described as a disease. In one sense theoretically, it is. And, the treatment is a spiritual solution coupled with the action of taking the 12-Steps. 

In the spiritual solution we have to admit, while it was a choice when we started drinking, the escalation of the addiction to alcohol, rendered us powerless to stop on our own—both physically and spiritually. There was no choice at our bottom. The Big Book of A.A. describes in the Doctor’s Opinion: “…an allergy of the body coupled with the obsession of the mind.” The nature of addiction. The action part, which is up to us for healing, is taking the 12-steps with a sponsor.

If you have cancer, you begin treatment to arrest it or heal it. My individual “treatment” or “medicine” for my disease of alcoholism is: Surrender to God, stop drinking, go to meetings, get a sponsor, work the 12-steps, and continue process daily. 

Others struggle with addiction being a moral issue. I love the way this passage from As Bill See’s It, page 32 articulates how I feel about it:

Moral Responsibility

"Some strongly object to the A.A position that alcoholism is an illness. This concept, they feel, removes moral responsibility from alcoholics. As any A.A. knows, this is far from true. We do not use the concept of sickness to absolve our members from responsibility. On the contrary, we use the fact of fatal illness to clamp the heaviest kind of moral obligation onto the sufferer, the obligation to use A.A.’s Twelve Steps to get well. In the early days of his drinking the alcoholic is often guilty of irresponsibility. But once the time of compulsive drinking has arrived, he can’t very well be held fully accountable for his conduct. He then has an obsession that condemns him to drink, and a bodily sensitivity to alcohol that guarantees his final sadness and death. But when he is made aware of this condition, he is under pressure to accept A.A.’s program of Moral regeneration.”

Definition of Regeneration:  Spiritual or moral revival or rebirth.

I believe recovery involves our choice to stop, coupled with a surrender to God because we were unable to do it on our own. This is when the regeneration starts. Working the 12 Steps and going to meetings regularly. The process of recovery is ongoing. The work is mine. The transformation and outcome is God’s. It’s tricky.

Time got us to where we arrived at the bottom, and only time invested reversing this process will aid in the reversal.

There is still a stigma associated with Alcoholism created by the lack of understanding by those walking on the fringes of addiction or beside the alcoholic. It is confusing to the onlooker how alcoholics will continue choosing behaviors that don’t work for them, and make terrible choices that lead to remaining stuck in the addiction cycle. They, too, are powerless over the alcoholic and the process.

Addiction affects not only the addict, but all those around them. My hope and prayer for alcoholics, addicts and those who love them, is for extra grace on both sides.

The 3 C’s of Al Anon: 1 - Didn’t Cause it.  2 - Can’t Change it.  3 - Can’t Cure it.

For the many caught in the addiction cycle and for all of those caught up in the fallout of an addict/alcoholic that you love who is still active in their disease—

I am praying.

Hang in there.

There is hope.

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.  For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.”

Matthew 7:7-8

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THE STEPS

S.T.E.P. — Solution To Every Problem.

I heard this acronym early in sobriety and recently, a friend reminded me of it. When we were in the middle of our addiction and obsession with drugs and alcohol, that was the solution. Except for the fact that it was a lie. It was a coverup for anything but a solution. 

It was chaos and confusion. The puzzle pieces of my life were not fitting together. They were scattered about. The drugs and alcohol kept every problem in my life firmly in place. No movement. No growth. Static. No change.

When I took the alcohol out of the equation. That was a start to having some clarity. The first step was admitting I was powerless over my life—people, places and things. Then I had to surrender to God. 

I can’t. He can. I think I’ll let Him. (Steps one, two and three)

I realized that was only the beginning.

When I started working the 12 steps with my sponsor, my life began to change. I found solutions to all problems that I was facing in my life. The pieces were fitting together in a more orderly way. I urge you to take these 12 Steps and see how they can help you. They are amazing tools I can use daily—not just once, but many times. 

They are a roadmap to life. A design for living. A pathway to peace. Taking this life as it is, not as I would have it. Trusting God to handle the details. 

Here is a quick review of how The Steps work to stay in the solution:

Steps 1 through 3 — getting right with God

Steps 4 through 7 —  getting right with myself

Steps 8 and 9 —getting right with others

Steps 10, 11 and 12 — Staying right on a daily basis

It is a lifelong journey with God, myself and with others around me daily through…

Prayer and Meditation

Reviewing Behaviors

Amending

Staying in Solutions

Serving Others

“In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps.”

Proverbs 16:9

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SIMILARITIES, NOT DIFFERENCES

I was taught in sobriety to look for the similarities in other alcoholics, not the differences. To identify with them and not compare myself with others.

To identify implies seeing likenesses.

Comparing implies looking for better than or less than.

When we compare ourselves, we separate from others. When we identify, we lift ourselves out of isolation and become “part of.” The way out of the pit of isolation is to identify, be a part of, and to notice and feel similarities with our fellow alcoholics.

When I see the differences, I become “separate.”

When I see the similarities, I become “part of.”

This empowers us. It helps us step out of judgement into acceptance. Find somebody, see how they are like you and talk with them. I think you’ll find that feeling of belonging—

Then do it again.

Then again.

You in yet?

“Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.”

1 Thessalonians 5:11

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