INSTRUMENT OF PEACE

Sometimes I have been in an agitated state in the recent past in response to what is going on around me in the world. What has changed?

Everything and nothing.

No matter what happens, I still don’t have power over what others think, say or do.

I never did and I never will—

But, God does.

The only thing that calms me is maintaining that conscious contact with God—Step Eleven:

“Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.”

What is conscious contact? Being spiritually awake (not checked out) is conscious contact with God.

God alone holds what has happened, what is happening today, and what will happen in the future. The only thing I can do in response to others is be an instrument of peace going forward.

The Eleventh Step Prayer is one of my favorites and one that I am invoking for this time in my life to remain spiritually awake.

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace,
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
where there is sadness, joy;
O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

“Be still and know that I am God.”

Psalm 46:10

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RITUAL AND SPIRITUAL

I heard a sermon where the pastor pointed out that the word Ritual is within the word, Spiritual. It may be coincidental, but I found it fascinating. And, I think they are linked to each other in a powerful way, especially in my recovery.

The etymology of the word Ritual is from Latin—ritualis, from rite.

The etymology of the word Spiritual is from Latin—of breathing, of wind, from spiritus.

One of my rituals every morning is to rise early, take my dog out to do his thing and pray the Third Step Prayer for this day. Many mornings I am surprised by a joyful painting in the sky of the sunrise that God has done—like this one above. I take it very personally. I am thankful for this gift to remember that it’s not all about me! I need to get out of my own head first thing in the morning. It’s not about what I have to do for me in my schedule, but what I will do for others today. It is that preparing for the day. Sunrise ritual.

Another day to show up sober and serve.

Third Step Prayer: “God, I offer myself to Thee, to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of Life. May I do Thy will always! Amen”

The line that gets me is, “Relieve me of the bondage of self,”—I actually have a physical reaction to saying this out loud. My body relaxes and peace takes its place. Whew. I can breathe. That is the spiritual part of this ritual. I believe as we practice our rituals of good habits, we grow exponentially toward our spiritual self-awareness and our purpose.

I was not big on ritual or habitual things when drinking—except when it had to do with my drinking habit, which I spent a lot of time planning. How to acquire it, drink it, then hide or get rid of the bottles afterward. Rinse and repeat. Sounds like I was good at that ritual, right? Looking back, how exhausting that was!

Now, I count on the habits and rituals I have adopted to replace the destructive cycle that does not serve me or others anymore. This is definitely the easier, softer way. In the program of recovery, it is established that once these new habits and rituals get put in place, there is a spiritual component that kicks in to carry us.

I am free—and—I need to continually let go and not try and control the outcomes in my day.

Try it.

It works for me.


“For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness.”
2 Peter 1:5-6

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CONTROL

Dictionary definition of Control: the power to influence or direct behavior or the course of events.

Some common synonyms of control are authority, command, dominion, jurisdiction, power, and sway. While all these words mean "the right to govern or rule or determine," control stresses the power to direct and restrain.

“Direct and restrain.”

I did not have either when I was powerless over my drinking. 

No power to direct OR restrain.

I don’t drink anymore for many days in a row—6,640 days…but I still have control issues—part of the reason for drinking, to tone that down—which it didn’t, of course :))

When I am in control, I believe in my mind that there are no risks. It’s safe, because I have this under my power. But in reality, by thinking this way, There is only one way it can be. I limit other possibilities and I am preventing any miracles from presenting themselves in my life by hanging onto the illusion of control. 

The stranglehold I have on my reality with this kind of controlled thinking allows no possible outcome that is different from what I already know or have experienced. I am limiting God. Making Him small. When I get to the end of my own thinking, I have to let go and let God. 

Make God Big again.

Letting go is so hard. Not knowing. So scary. I try now, to do what I know I can do in my own power, and then trust God with the outcome of the situation. My part. God’s part. The partnership is key. I have not given up. I have turned over what I can’t manage or change. That allows me to be open to new thinking. New ways of doing things. New ways of being. 

I am still retraining my brain for healthy behaviors. Here are a few ways:

• surrender (admit powerless)

• connection (meetings)

• coping strategies (plan of actions)

• sponsor (counselor and guide)

• service to others (hope and purpose)

“For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.”

2 Timothy 1:7

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NOT NEGOTIABLE

My sponsor sat me down when I first asked her to sponsor me. She said,

“Heidi, relapse is not about you picking up a drink again. It is about all the time leading up to that moment. That is what I want to help you identify and be aware of so you don’t get to the drinking part again.”

That made perfect sense to me. Identifying my triggers for checking out. Wow, what a concept. I drank mindlessly for years never thinking of that.

You mean I might have a chance to lick this thing if I pay attention?—YES.

The one thing I knew for myself when I got sober was that drinking was not an option anymore. So, now, I just had to figure out what my options were—calling my sponsor, working The Steps, talking to others, exercising, walking my dogs, attending meetings, praying while watching water flow powerfully down a river or waves crashing on shore—all productive.

I heard someone say in a meeting: “Things may change, but my sobriety is not negotiable—Period.”

This is true for me.

You?

“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”

Romans 12:2

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CLAIMING MY MASTER

Is this guy paying attention to his master or what?

I’ve learned many lessons from my dogs over the years. My dog, Dash, comes as close as he can to me. He either leans on me, sits on my foot, or lays as close as he can to me—to “claim” me.

I am his access point to basic needs like food, affection, and open doors to new places for moving forward, fun, and play time. He wants to be first in line for all of that. He wants to please me.

I am the source of provision for all his needs.

All he has to do is “claim me” and sit as close to me as possible, so he doesn’t miss anything that might happen next. What a wonderful metaphor for my life—I get to “claim” my sobriety by the action step of staying close to my Master—God. If I claim God, I can claim my sobriety. It’s a choice—an action step on my part.

God is my source for nourishment and open doors to new places for moving forward, affection, fun, and play time! He is the provider for all my needs.

If I stay close to the Master, I won’t miss anything He has planned for me!

I want to be first in line to please Him.

I claim God. I claim sobriety.

“Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world.” Matthew 25:34

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RELAPSE

I don’t often have “drinking dreams” anymore, where I am drinking in the dream and wake up in a panic thinking that I have relapsed. The other day, I had a dream that I was drinking.

Hmmm... This causes me to review in my waking hours, what is causing me anxiety.

When I asked my sponsor to work with me early in sobriety and be my sponsor, the first thing she did was sit me down and talk about relapse. What? Arrogantly, I told her I was not going to relapse—that I was finished drinking and was sure of it.

She then said, “Relapse is not when you take that first drink again. It is about all of the behaviors that lead up to you taking that final step of drinking again. That is what I want to help you with in sponsoring you. Identifying all things leading up to the actual drinking part.”

Oh. That makes perfect sense.

Retrain my brain—heading my mind off at the pass, so-to-speak.

RELAPSE definition: (of someone suffering from a disease) suffer deterioration after a period of improvement.

One of the triggers for me is shame of my past behaviors. I can get stuck there. Worry, mull it over, beat myself up over how I should not have done this or that. In our literature, we read The Promises. In the middle of this reading is says, “we will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.” This tells me that I have to remember what I did, so I don’t repeat that behavior. Also, in remembering it, I get to be thankful for how far I have come. The past brought me here. I say I am an Alcoholic In Recovery because it is acknowledging in those three words the past, present and future:

Alcoholic (past)

In (present—the process now)

Recovery (future—the path forward)

Hopefully, my life is lived now in light of my life verse below—with intention—to keep me from going into relapse-mode:

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

Philippians 4:6-7

Try praying this verse.

Be thankful.

Have peace for today.

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SPIRITUAL MALADY

Alcoholism—a spiritual malady.

A malady is an illness, sickness, or disordered condition.

In our literature, it says that drinking is a twofold dilemma. “The allergy of the body coupled with the obsession of the mind.” If I take care of one, I still have the other. "Half measures availed us nothing”

Half measures, Half sober. If I am just not drinking and not doing any work beyond that to ensure that my sobriety stays intact, I am just not drinking.

I suffer from a spiritual disease also. I think it is threefold. “For we have been not only mentally and physically ill, we have been spiritually sick. When the spiritual malady is overcome we straighten out mentally and physically.” (Big Book of AA)

This dis-ease I have is within my spirit. I have often called my drinking separation from God. I was out of order with my Higher Power. Once I stopped drinking, I had to daily reconnect with God to reactivate the light of the spirit within me—and, work on my steps for my mind.

What I have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of my spiritual condition.

Day by day.

Someone described that success of any kind is a matter of momentum—you don’t drink for today and find that you can. Then you do it again the next day. The incremental becomes monumental. So then about the momentum. Sometimes it gets me ahead of myself—future tripping. Or gets me stuck, remembering my failures from the past—you can’t do this, you never have before!

That’s where one day at a time becomes crucial. If I am not in today, the rest is just a projection or a memory (future or the past) which does not serve me at all. I will miss today if I do that.

Don’t miss today. You won’t get it back.

I know you can do this.

If I did it, so can you.

"Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.”

Matthew 6:34 (The Message)

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CHANGE FOR A DOLLAR

In meetings we have the 7th tradition, which states that we are self-supporting through our own contributions. We do that by passing a basket around every meeting and putting a dollar in each time. Not required. It is very cheap therapy. Sometimes, I can sit in a meeting and learn more about myself than when I talk to a therapist for many dollars more an hour.

I heard this phrase early in sobriety: “A meeting is the only place you can get change for a dollar.”

Funny, but so true.

I am not sitting there waiting for change. I am changing as I am sitting there. Just by putting myself in the chair and listening, I am saying to myself and others, “I am open to doing things differently.”

Why? Because what I was doing before was not working.

The serenity prayer is so important and succinct.

“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can. And, the wisdom to know the difference.”

Admitting I can’t change you. Willing to change me. And, having that wisdom to know the difference. Cease fighting everyone and everything. Not giving up—shifting direction. Allowing new thoughts to guide me.

I am not even going to do the math on all of the “change for a dollar” that I have received over the years. It is priceless. All I have to do is show up. Sit in the seat. Put the dollar in the basket. Listen to God speak to me through all of the people in the room. Watch the transformation happen before my eyes. Experience the change in me—and—not quit before the miracle happens.

Serenity to accept—Courage to change—Wisdom to know

I know I have changed.

I still have work to do.

I am grateful.

“Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.”

Psalm 51:10

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DIFFERENT BUT SAME

Yesterday, I heard a woman share her story of alcoholism and her trip to the bottom. She said this:

"We are all a different kind of same.”

What does that mean?

We think we are unique in our stories. Well, we are unique in the details—that’s what makes us different. But, we are sitting there together because we ended up at the end of ourselves in the same place.

Different but same.

It seems we all need the same thing. To be acknowledged, loved and validated. The world tells us otherwise in its competitiveness, judgement, comparison with each other (better or worse.)—all of the negative input we seem to receive and internalize. Too hard. Easier to drink and check out right?

No. That is not a helpful conclusion.

She told us to breathe and be right where we were. Together with each other. 

The sameness being this: 

• We need connection with others like ourselves.

• We need to be loved.

• We need to love others.

She said, “when I don’t know what to do in a particular situation that is frustrating or aggravating, I can add more love. More love. Bless you. Change me.”

Sounds like a plan for healing and hope:

Add more love.

Bless you.

Change me.

“We love because he first loved us.”

1 John 4:19

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WHAT WE RESIST, PERSISTS.

This photo is so sweet and reminds me of how my recovery works.

This plant coming up out of a crack between the street and stucco wall is called a “volunteer.” There is a pot with luscious soil and that same plant flourishing in it not a foot away. This little volunteer, pushed up through the crack with minimal soil and little chance of it growing there. It was determined, despite the odds—accepting it’s conditions, admitting it was powerless over where the seed landed—sprouting in what seemed like unmanageable circumstances.

Wow.

This is Step One: “Admitted we were powerless over alcohol and our lives had become unmanageable.”

I learned that what I resist, persists. Think about it. If I resist something, I have an adverse reaction—resistance. It causes me to think about it and mull it over and over in my head. I don’t get resolution about it, causing it to persist, until I release control over that situation. Admission that I am powerless over it is the first step.

This is how it was with my drinking for years. I resisted loved ones’ concerns for my excessive drinking and pushed back, “I don’t have a problem. It’s under control.” So, my condition persisted.

Definition of resist: to exert force in opposition

Definition of persist: to continue to do something or to try to do something even though it is difficult or other people want you to stop

Now—I am like the flower in the hardscape. I volunteer to show up for my recovery, despite the hard conditions or circumstances that come up in my life. I am not resisting anymore or finding reasons or excuses to hide and escape from things that are hard. Or, people who are difficult. I am not resisting others’ concerns or for help they may want to give me. I have a chance of resolving it and responding in a healthy way and flourishing in my life—but, I can’t do it alone.

If I can do this life sober, so can you.

I am not saying it’s easy but it is simple. Like the flower metaphor, there are people, close by beckoning us to plant into the rich soil of a sober life, to live and to flourish among others like ourselves.

Ask for help—from others and from God.

It starts with you.

Then, volunteer to show up and help somebody else.

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.”

Matthew 7:7

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KNOW. GO. SHOW.

In sponsoring women, I have grown so much over the years. They have taught me more than I have taught them, for sure. It seems that whatever step they are on at the time, I am working that step also. Funny how that works. 

In leading them in working the 12 steps that I traveled, I know that I am not giving them the answers. That’s not my job. I am pointing them to the questions they need to answer for themselves. Showing them how I stayed sober and worked my steps. The road I traveled—and continue to travel.

I am there to listen. Guide. Tell them my experience. Give them hope to know that it may be painful going through this process. But, knowing that God is transforming us along the way. Sometimes, it is in hindsight that we see our own growth and God’s hand on our step process. Or, others see it in us and wonder what has happened. What a gift to find that, not only can we survive without alcohol or drugs in our life—we can thrive. 

We can retrain our brains to live a productive life again, through the work that we do on ourselves in our step work. And—being willing to have God change us from the inside out over time. 

Then, as step 12 states, “Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry the message to others who still suffer, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.”  

Passing on what was so freely given to me. Service.

A pastor that I know said these words to me once. To me, this is what it is to be a sponsor:

Know the way
Go the way
Show the way

"In all your ways submit to him, and he will direct your paths.”

Proverbs 3:6

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YOU'LL FEEL BETTER

I heard a friend in a meeting share about what her sponsor told her when she first got sober.

“You’re going to feel better.”

I had heard the same thing when I got sober. I had been feeling really bad for a long time by the end of my drinking. So, hearing those words, was comforting.

Well, l think she did mean that literally—that I would feel better after taking alcohol out of the equation. But the true meaning was in “feeling your feelings better.”

Oh, that part.

That’s the part I was trying to avoid with the drinking in the first place. Duh.

When we sober up, all those pesky feelings about everything come up again. We feel it all now—resentment, frustration, sadness, anger, joy, happiness. The difference now is that I have learned how to deal with the feelings and heal. As my friend said it—

Feel. Deal. Heal.

I was always a “feeler” and known as the one who would cry at the drop of the hat. If I felt anything that was the slightest bit emotional, family and friends would look over at me and say, “there she goes…” After that I learned to stuff my feelings because I didn’t want to be the cry baby. Later, with alcohol, the emotions weren’t there at all. Just checked out bliss. I didn’t have to think about it—or deal with it.

The 12 steps helped me with the “deal with it” part. How to process resentments, let myself feel the sadness, which took me to anger and then, most importantly, to acceptance. I used to think of acceptance as “putting up with” and now I view it differently. Taking this world as it is, not as I would have it. That’s acceptance.

The healing started when I was able to look at my part in any situation and deal with it right away, rather than stuff it and build a resentment. Sometimes it is just to cry and let the tears flow. Crying is healing. It is the phyisical manifestation of emotions letting loose from your body. The relief that is felt when you let the tears flow begins the process toward healing.

Today:

I am feeling everything.

I am dealing with it all.

I am healing.

“God, I offer myself to Thee, to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of Life. May I do Thy will always! Amen”

The Third Step Prayer

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SMALL AGAIN

I was recently having a conversation with my oldest grandson about being in the “state of being overwhelmed." We are all there at some point in our lives. He asked me what I do when I get to that place of my mind being in "overwhelm.” 

I had to pause a minute and think. I DID know what to do with myself when I arrived in that state of overwhelm. I did it automatically now, after 6570 days of sobriety (almost 18 years). This was based on all I had learned in my 12-step meetings. But, I had never articulated it to someone who was not in our program. I went on to explain to him that it’s what we do in recovery.

I make my world small again. 

Only manage one-day-at-a-time. I can only affect change locally and be humble about it.

How did I get to overwhelm? My thinking became obsessive and the problems became too big in my head—How was I going to change the world? End hunger or homelessness? Stop drug and alcohol addiction in the world? Too big. Grandiose thinking. I can’t—

That thinking makes me small and insignificant. 

That’s when I have to make my world small again. Zoom back into my world of reality. Today. Right in front of me. Where are my feet? What or who can I touch today? 

This thinking makes me significant again.

Start with me.

Take care of me. Then reach out to you. Go to a meeting and help the next struggling alcoholic who needs to know how I stayed sober all these days in a row (and still remained crazy in my mind, right?) As a friend always says, “It’s not the drinking. It’s the thinking.” I take the substance out of the equation and I am still left with my obsessive thinking—That’s where others come in. I need connection. I need you. You need me. That’s where care starts. The only place that I can truly make a difference. 

This will be a continuous process for my lifetime—

One-person-at-a-time. 

One-heart-at-a-time. 

One-day-at-a-time.

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Amen.”      

Serenity Prayer

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DYNAMIC PATIENCE

I heard a friend in recovery talk about dynamic patience. My brain could not wrap around it. At first, that seems like an oxymoron. When I think of having patience, I think of being static. Stuck in “wait” mode—until something happens to take me out of waiting. But, patience is not necessarily static, being stuck, or waiting.

DEFINITIONS:

Patience: 1) bearing pains or trials calmly or without complaint; 2) steadfast despite opposition, difficulty, or adversity. 3) not hasty or impetuous

Static: 1) of or relating to bodies at rest or forces in equilibrium. 2) showing little change

Dynamic: 1) marked by usually continuous and productive activity or change 2) of or relating to physical force or energy. 3) an underlying cause of change or growth.

Aha! There it is—Dynamic: an underlying cause of change or growth.

Patience is not my strong suit. I didn’t grow out of that child-like characteristic of impatience well. My first instinct to having patience is to resist. I want to DO something to make it happen now. As my husband says, “I can’t wait to have patience.” (ha ha)

But, patience can be dynamic: “Steadfast despite opposition, difficulty or adversity—this being the underlying cause of change or growth.”

Pain is the motivator. An agent for change. I wanted God to change me. I just didn’t want Him to have to take away the drinking part for that to happen! Please take the pain of the consequences of my behavior without me having to change, ha ha. Then, in the end of my drinking, I realized that if I kept up this pace of drinking, I might die. Now, that’s a static condition!

I would say that in my sobriety, I have learned to be active in my recovery. That is the dynamic part of it for me. Partnering with God in the process. I surrender that which I cannot control and seek to affect the change I can in myself. Just those two things alone can keep me sober. But I need YOU too. That’s where meetings come into play.

Dynamic patience for me is when I sit in a meeting quietly being patient to hear what I need to hear today. I can let the change and growth happen one-day-at-a-time. You are telling me your story of pain, too. God speaks through you directly to me. Magic happens.

Show up.

Listen up.

Grow up.

“One of the main ways we move from abstract knowledge about God to a personal encounter with him as a living reality is through the furnace of affliction.”

Tim Keller

TAP-TAP-TAP... IS THIS THING ON?

Ever feel like nobody is listening? Reminds me of when a stand-up comedian waits for a joke to land and then… silence. Then, the comic might tap the mic and ask, “Is this thing on?”

We can’t hear anything when we are deep in our addiction. That’s how powerful it is. It shuts our ears, so that no good information is received. No matter how hard we try and how much people love us, our poor decisions continue. We don’t hear any of it. I know that was true for me until I decided to surrender my will.

I heard a woman say in her story while sharing the other day, “I’m not stupid. I was just doing stupid stuff.” We are not bad people, we’re just doing bad behavior.

When I was early in sobriety, I started sponsoring other women. I was so excited to help somebody and teach them what I had learned on how to stay sober and live a full life again. When one of the women I was sponsoring relapsed, I took great offense. Like it happened to ME! What did I do wrong? What could I have done to make them NOT relapse? I asked my sponsor these questions and she said, “Heidi, you’re not that powerful.”  

Wow. 

I got it right away. I couldn’t be told either. Until I was ready to hear. My God heard my cry when I was ready and asked for help. That’s the surrender part. When I finally surrendered to God what I was trying to do for myself, the magic started to happen. Then, I could start to show up for meetings and for other people. I could start hearing what I needed to hear. 

The process is sometimes long and arduous. Our bottoms come when they do, not when others think it should happen. No shame. When our solutions—drugs or alcohol—stop working for us, we can surrender ourselves to the process. That is when the healing begins. Our ears and eyes open to new possibilities and solutions we have not considered before.

To the one who supports the addict:  Even when it seems your support, love and words are not heard, they are seeds being planted. Don’t give up on them—keep praying and stay hopeful. As my sponsor also said, “They have to want their sobriety MORE than you want it for them."

To the addict:  Until we are ready to surrender and to finally know that we can’t do sobriety on our own— that our solutions aren’t working—we won’t hear. Only when we step out of the darkness and into the light of surrender, do we get our mic-drop moment—The Victory.

We need others’ help and God’s help. Key factors in sobriety.

Join me in sobriety.

Come. Sit. Stay.

Listen. Hear.

“Whoever has ears to hear, let them hear.”

Mark 4:9

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TIMING

I was talking with a friend in recovery. He was sharing on the brilliance of the Serenity Prayer. So much I cannot change. Some things I can. The hard part is the wisdom to know the difference. Retraining my brain. How do I know what the best decision is? When will I know? How will I know?

Timing.

The path appears when you take the leap of faith and trust God. Knowing when to speak and to make an amends, it all comes down to timing. When to speak and when to wait. Who does it help? Who will it hurt? How long should I wait?

In any amends communication, I must ask myself 2 questions:

1) What is my motivation?

2) What are my expectations?

If I pray on these two and find that I have peace in the answers that come up, I am ready. I am clean in my delivery. God often presents the moments for us—when we least expect it.

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

Journal your thoughts.

Pray for wisdom.

Wait for God’s peace.

“ For those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.”

Matthew 23:12

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THOUGHT CURRENCY

Ever think about where your thoughts come from?—like that one, ha ha!

Definition of thought

1. an individual act or product of thinking

a. a developed intention or plan

b. an opinion or belief in the mind

2. reasoning power—the power to imagine: conception

Thoughts have no value just of themselves floating around in my head. They become real when I share them with others and get them out of my head. In speech or in writing. The worth—or currency of thought becomes real when we exchange them with each other—and God. Relationship. We are relational beings. We were designed to be together, not alone.

When drinking, I had no thought currency.

First, my thoughts were skewed because I chose the wrong path for clarification of my thoughts. Alcohol. It immediately took me down a notch from the anxiety of decision-making and from you. But most importantly, It was separation from God. The more I drank, the more confused I was. Then, it became a habit. In finally deciding to take alcohol out of the mix, I found that my obsessive thoughts were still there—I needed a new plan.

Instead of checking out from those thoughts, I decided to use my thought currency and share with other alcoholics who had made the same plan. Magic happened. Once out of my head, a few things happened:

Not only did it take the power out of the skewed thought when I shared it out loud with another, but, that person got to benefit in the exchange too. Sometimes, God speaks through me to you. Sometimes through you to me! We both get to acknowledge that together with God, we have the power to imagine. To conceive. To heal.

My worth is no longer attached to my own crazy thoughts. Why? In sharing with someone else, I can have worth to that person. Then, together, we can share that thought to help another person. We matter. To God and to each other. Love. God was the conduit that connected us to each other in unity. That made us more powerful together.

• Come and spend your thought currency with us in sobriety.

• You and I become rich when we exchange our thoughts.

• It’s worth it.

“For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.”

Matthew 18:20

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STICK OUT

I heard a pastor speak recently. He spoke of so many things that shouted to me about recovery. He said this, which feels counterintuitive—

“We are not called to fit in, we are called to stick out”

When I hit my bottom, I had to do something differently. Stop fitting in and start sticking out—separate myself from the drinking that was damaging my life and those around me, and start demonstrating change. Do this life differently. I immediately jumped into service when I got sober. Realizing that by just sitting next to somebody in a meeting was service.

Imagine that.

Our society thrives on fitting in, doing what everybody else is doing. We’re “in” and “cool” when we drink and party like them. Well, not exactly. That’s just supporting each other in bad behavior—That’s easy.

The hard part is stepping away. Sticking out. Showing others the way. How it can be done in love and support and without our destructive behaviors, whatever they may be—alcoholism, codependency, drug addiction, over-eating, over-anything.

This is all counterintuitive, right? What does that mean?

Definition of counterintuitive: contrary to what one would intuitively expect

When I got sober, I felt like I was all alone. Separated from everyone who was having fun, doing the “in” thing, being happy, fitting in. Then, I found out just the opposite. I learned there were others like myself, learning how to fit in in a different way—with others that were staying sober, going to meetings, reviewing and changing old behaviors that didn’t work for them anymore (the 12-steps of AA) working with others and sharing their lives in love and sober fellowship.

I chose to become “part of” life rather than to separate and isolate. In doing that, I automatically chose a path to stick out and be an example of how God intended for me to live. And the cool part was that I realized it had come out of the MESS I had made of my life!

That God could use my MESS as a MESSAGE to others.

So grateful.

You can do this too.

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”

John 13:34-35

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S.L.I.P.

I hear people say when they drink again, “I had a little SLIP.”

You mean a relapse? A slip implies that drinking again was somehow an accident—that I had nothing to do with it.

No.

Sobriety Losing Its Priority

That’s what a SLIP is right there. Sobriety losing its priority! The relapse begins long before I take that drink again. If I am not vigilant about my sobriety and don’t make that my number one priority, I can start thinking old thoughts, repeating old behaviors, and then, I am right back where I was while drinking. Alcohol becomes my solution again. Relapse becomes a possibility. I start making excuses for my behavior.

I know I have more recovery work to do because I am still alive.

Drinking is not an option for me anymore. Period. Now I ask myself, “What am I doing for my sobriety today?”

Then, I pray and ask God to relieve me of the bondage of self to get out of my own head and that thought of, “I got this.”— Next, I help somebody in need or serve in some way. Sometimes that is just going to a meeting and sitting in the seat to be there for others—even if I don’t want to.

Retrain your brain.

Be transformed by behaving differently.

Try it. It works.

“Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”

Psalm 139:23-24

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GATHERING EVIDENCE

I practice what I call a Brain Flip when I find myself in a tailspin. When walking straight into a negative situation and I feel like I cannot avoid the crap storm, I immediately ask myself, “How can I flip this?” Turn it around and look for the positive moment, the comedy, the lesson here. My mind begins to focus on something different, and I can knock myself out of a funk quickly this way. Here’s how—

I gather evidence.

We can gather evidence to prove that we are terrible people, disregarding all the good info and just logging all the mess-ups, mistakes and errors we make in life. We are gathering evidence to prove to ourselves that we are bad people.

Or we can flip it and—

We can gather evidence and look for what we did right in the situation. Paying attention to the details (evidence) placed before me. What can I learn from this situation? How can I look beyond the obvious? What is being revealed to me? Who is being helped here? Who can I serve? Sometimes it’s me. Sometimes it’s you.

There is a concept called “act as if...” where you think and act the way you believe you want to be—not drinking, showing up sober, sharing by talking, acting like you are a free and whole person—and you keep doing this behavior until your brain believes that this is the truth for you. And then you start living it.

Changing my thoughts changes my behaviors. I am proof it works. Try it.

“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the
renewing of your mind.”

Romans 12:2