THE LORD'S PRAYER & THE 12-STEPS

I love The Lord’s Prayer. We say it at the end of many of our AA meetings. I posted this revelation before, but it bears repeating about the connection between the 12-Steps and The Lord’s Prayer.

I made an interesting connection between that prayer and the 12 steps of AA. I would love to share that revelation with you—phrase by phrase.

Here we go—Step by Step and the connection to the prayer. First, the prayer.

THE LORD’S PRAYER:

“Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy Name, Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. For thine is the Kingdom, and the Power and the Glory for ever and ever. Amen”

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THE STEP: Step 1 We admitted that we were powerless over our addictions and compulsive behaviors, that our lives had become unmanageable.

THE LORD’S PRAYER: “Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy Name.”

THE CONNECTION: Admitting we are not in power and God is.

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THE STEP: Step 2 Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

THE LORD’S PRAYER: “Thy Kingdom come.”

THE CONNECTION: We came to know that we COULD be restored.

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THE STEP: Step 3 Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God, as we understood Him.

THE LORD’S PRAYER: “Thy will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven.”

THE CONNECTION: We turned our will over to God.

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THE STEP (S): Step 4 Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. Step 5 Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. Step 6 Became willing to have God remove all of our defects of character. Step 7 Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

THE LORD’S PRAYER: “Give us this day our daily bread.”

THE CONNECTION: “Our daily bread” being the provision and help we receive with working steps 4 through 7—searching ourselves, truth-telling, reviewing what is not working, and staying humble.

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THE STEP: Step 8 Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all. Step 9 Made direct amends to such people whenever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

THE LORD’S PRAYER: “And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.”

THE CONNECTION: These two steps—8 and 9— about amending our behaviors and forgiveness

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THE STEP: Step 10 Continued to take personal inventory, and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.

THE LORD’S PRAYER: “And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.”

THE CONNECTION: Continue the path of searching, although we will be tempted.

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THE STEP: Step 11 Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood Him, asking only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

THE LORD’S PRAYER: “For Thine is the Kingdom”

THE CONNECTION: Continue acknowledging our relationship with God.

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THE STEP: Step 12 Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, we tried to carry the message to others who still suffer, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

THE LORD’S PRAYER: “And the Power and the Glory for ever and ever. Amen.”

THE CONNECTION: The spiritual awakening to our new power through God, to help ourselves and then to help others.

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I pray that you feel the spiritual connection as I did.

“But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen.”

Matthew 6:6

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HANDS OFF, LOOK UP.

"You didn’t cause it, can’t control it, and can’t cure it.”

The Three Cs. This is an Al-anon slogan. I love this because it is so true and gives me great comfort, when I say it out loud—then believe it.

Al-anon is a support group for those whose lives have been affected by the alcohol (or drug use) of another person. Alcohol and drugs do not just affect the person who is active in their addiction—it affects all those around them as well. This pretty much covers everybody, right? I would be willing to bet that everybody knows an addict/alcoholic or is related to one. It is that widespread.

When I first got sober, I was happy to be in AA and around other alcoholics who thought like me and who had similar experiences like me. About three years into my sobriety, my sponsor suggested I attend an al-anon meeting because I had other addicts/alcoholics in my family. I went to one and immediately did not like it. It felt like they were sitting around talking about me, ha ha. Well, they were! They were talking about the addict/alcoholic in their life.

What I didn’t realize until after I stayed a while, is that I didn’t like it because they were talking about all the things that I had done to the people in my life while I was active in my drinking. I had to look at how my behaviors affected all those around me that I loved. It gave me a great perspective on what they were all thinking and feeling. The powerlessness they felt over the situations I was causing. 

Now, when I look at a chaotic situation in my life that involves an addict/alcoholic, I automatically go to, “How did this happen? Is it my fault? How can I fix this?” None of those are helpful questions for a solution, and usually only heighten existing tensions. That’s why this phrase of the three Cs is so important. It puts the situation in the right perspective and light and takes the pressure off of the one trying to support. 

In response to the chaos the person in my life is creating, I came up with a mantra for myself: “Hands off, look up.” This photo represents how I feel when I do this. Peace and freedom. The mantra causes me to pause and to stop focusing on the problem, then look up and pray for guidance, peace and solution for that moment. That’s it. I am praying Peace and Freedom for you in this practice. It usually works.

Hands off, look up. 

Peace and Freedom.

Try it.

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

Philippians 4:6-7

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LIFE OR DEATH

That sounds rather dramatic. 

Well, addiction is dramatic. Staying hidden within our addiction until the eventual dramatic end—or being sober. Sobriety is equally dramatic in so many ways. When we got sober and didn’t die, our lives are changed in every way—dramatically. And we can still be anonymous in sobriety to protect ourselves. Just not hiding in isolation anymore.

The recent death of Matthew Perry brings attention to the addiction issue for the general public. For the people still in their addiction and people in sobriety, we are nodding our heads in the quiet understanding of this process—and, the reminder of what the end of that road looks like for us and so many that we love. 

It doesn’t matter if we find out that Matt relapsed or not, before he died. The thing that does matter, is that Matthew Perry chose to speak about his struggle publicly, and in his book, before the end. His life and legacy in his “service to others” is how he will be remembered.

I read this very inspiring and comforting headline, "Matthew Perry Wanted to Be Remembered for Helping Others in Recovery From Addiction” Inspiring for those in recovery who are still struggling. And, comforting for those still in their addiction, to know it can be done. There is hope.

In Matthew Perry's words, “The best thing about me, bar none, is that if somebody comes to me and says, ‘I can’t stop drinking, can you help me?’ I can say ‘yes’ and follow up and do it.”  And, he did. There’s the hope.

I can say the same thing he has said here, and mean it. It is one good way I can make a difference in this life. If we are hiding in our addiction and isolating from others, no help can be received or given by others to us. All of us forget that addiction is a life or death matter. Really no middle ground here. If I can help inspire one person into sobriety today by my speaking publicly about my story, I will have made a difference.

Anonymity is something we practice in sobriety. To protect those who have chosen to join us and protection from those in their lives who don’t understand. This is a good practice. I protect those I sponsor and work with in our program through anonymity. It is not my story to tell. It is there’s. They need protection in the healing process.

I choose to not be anonymous. I have chosen to live in the light and try and shine it for others. No secrets. The secret to my sobriety is that my sobriety is not a secret—on purpose now. The secrets kept me stuck in addiction. Now, I can be of service to others who are trying to stay sober or want to get sober, but don’t know how. I want to be an example for others that it can be done. 

I realize, there is still a stigma attached to being an addict/alcoholic. Gradually, if I shed that belief, I can be used by God, to show others that the real stigma is staying in the dark—not coming out into the light. It is here in the light where you and I can be used.

If you need to be anonymous, it is so very ok! And, I encourage you to speak at AA meeting level to share your story of hope with others within our safe community.

Reach out and help someone.

Pray for those still suffering.

Choose a sober life today.

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”

John 10:10

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FEEL BETTER

When I arrived at my first AA meeting, I had stopped drinking. They told me that I was going to feel better. 

Well, I did physically start to feel better...

What they meant was that I was going to “feel” better—feel my feelings better. Those feelings would be right there, not numbed by alcohol. I didn’t know how to do that at first. Alcohol took the edge off of all of my emotions—sadness, anger, upset and even my joy. I didn’t have that option anymore, now that I had taken alcohol out of the equation.

I was able to feel my feelings for the first time without alcohol. New territory. There is “the other side” of those feelings. The trick was how to get there. I had always gone around my emotions or anxious thoughts by drinking, not really dealing with them. Just pushing them out to deal with later.

Or not.

Turns out, the way out for me, was pressing through it. Sometimes just sitting in a meeting and listening to others share their experience, their strength and their hope that they could choose not to drink today—just today—even in high-stress situations they were dealing with—made me feel like I might be able to do it too.

I heard a woman share that she was very anxious about going to a wedding the following weekend. How was she going to do that and not drink??

She had a plan.

Go with a sober friend for support. Water in hand at all times, and when it was going to turn into drunken crazy, have an exit plan. In our meeting the next week, she shared with us that she was soooo excited that she made it through her first wedding without drinking! She described it as a miracle.

It was a miracle because she was letting God do for her what she could not do for herself. We go through each experience one time without alcohol to know that we can. Having the experience of doing it successfully once, gives us the hope that it can be done again. One-day-at-a-time—sometimes one-minute-at-a-time, with all of our emotions that pop up. Showing up as our raw selves.

The connection with others and hearing their stories is so helpful to me. That’s why meetings work. I don’t have to do it alone. Also, being able to speak at a meeting and share it out loud, takes the power out of the crazy thought that is living in my head. Turns out, others have thought that, too. Not crazy.

Feeling a part of others and not separating in isolation helps. Praying to God for help in letting go of the things I cannot control—helps too.

Try these three things:

Go to a meeting and listen.

Share at meeting level.

Pray and let go of control.

I think you will start to feel better—just for today.

“No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.”

1 Corinthians 10:13

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THE ZOO

I was in heaven the first time I went to the zoo. All of those large and strange animals. Elephants, giraffes, lions, gorillas—what on earth?? Looking at these creatures made me feel small and insignificant. In a good way, if that is possible to understand. Feeling the presence of God on display through His creation. As a child, realizing for the first time it wasn’t all about my little world. There was so much more out there I needed to see and learn about. My dad saw my excitement and wonder and noted that.

I remember waking from a bad dream where our house was on fire and we couldn’t get out. I would fearfully run into my parents bedroom. My dad was on the side of the bed closest to the door. When I woke him and told him my dream, he would hold me and say, “It’s ok, Heidi, go back to bed and think about the zoo.” 

He knew I would be comforted by that, as I loved animals. Yet, when I went back to bed, I would inevitably be back in the dream with fire. This time, the zoo was on fire.

Sometimes, no matter who is there to comfort us, our minds will not settle. Self-centered fear and anxiety is all-consuming. What then? 

Even as a 10-year-old, I knew the presence of God. Nothing in this world would comfort at times. As a highly-sensitive child, all circumstances affected me in a way I could not control. I knew I was powerless then. I knew how to talk to God. It was the only thing that could calm me down.

Then I found alcohol in my late teens. I had forgotten my connection with God who was my calmer. Alcohol had become my god. It was the only thing in this world that had the power to calm me. It worked for many years. Then it didn’t.

When I finally stopped using alcohol as my calmer because my life was out of control, I realized, once again, I was powerless. Over everything, not just my addiction. I turned back to the wonder of God. 

Now, when my house is on fire (so to speak)—upset, drama in my life, fear...I hear my dad’s voice saying, “Think about the zoo.”—in other words, turn to God’s creation, look outside of selfish fear and be comforted by God. The source of all power to sustain me in times of trouble.

Surrender.

Pray.

Think about the zoo.

"For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse.”

Romans 1:20

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ARMOR OF GOD

I had another blog written for today, but felt compelled to write this one, for me and for you. I hope this helps you in some way:

Fear, anxiety, despair, righteous anger, stress, overwhelm—

This is where my mind went earlier this week hearing the news of the world. That is where the enemy wants me to go—The enemy of this world and the enemy in the darkness of the spiritual realm.

That is not where God wants you and me. I cannot buy into the fear and hatred. 

How do I address this battle, this war, this force coming at me/us? 

The only way I know I can. I put on the “Full Armor of God"

First, I must acknowledge it. Know that fear and hatred it is not of God. Then, know that it is not up to me alone. I do have a choice to stand against the evil forces and partner with God in his mighty power. It is not with matched hatred and force on my part. I must be an agent of light, peace and calm. Praying for our leaders here on earth and for God’s intervention.

Our battle is not of this world, but "against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms."

I urge you to pray and be an ambassador or peace today. Pray these verses for yourselves and for the world each day.

Ephesians 6:10-20

"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people. Pray also for me, that whenever I speak, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should."

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BONDAGE OF SELF

I love this photo. A beautiful friend sent this, who knows me well. 

She knows that I am great at "stealing the pen.” (From God)

How about you?

Are you letting God lead your story instead of trying to control the narrative? I know that I WANT to give it over to God and to live in His will for my life, but sometimes, my plans seem pretty cool for today. I’m pretty happy with my way. And, sometimes (most times!) it leads me to trouble. Then, right back to God. Asking for His will for me and the power to carry that out— 

I have to look right in front of me, sometimes. Right there. Look and see it. "But, I don’t want to do that right now.”  But, God does want me to do that. Like a father with a child. He’s trying to show the best path for me. I’m the one who doesn’t want to see. 

Or, won’t see—My will.

That is why I have to pause and ask God if this is His will for me today. I start every day with the 3rd step prayer:

“God, I offer myself to Thee. To build with me and do with me as thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I might better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy love and Thy way of life. May I do Thy will always. Amen.”

Such a good way for me to put down the pen and let God keep writing my story.

Two phrases in that prayer help me:  “Relieve me of the bondage of self”—that gets me out of God’s way and being self-centered. Then, having victory over my difficulties to bear witness to others—service! Great reminder that it’s not about me.

When I stopped drinking and turned my life over to God, I started being of service to others, God began writing my story the way He intended it to go. I got out of the way. It is a process of daily getting out of God’s way and my own way.

Each day I have to remember to:

Put down the pen.

Get out of God’s way.

Trust the Author.

"Thy kingdom come.Thy will be done. On earth as it is in heaven."

Matthew 6:10

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CURED

We are not cured.

But, we are freed up.

I have had people ask me, “Heidi, why do you still call yourself an alcoholic when you don’t drink anymore?” 

Because we are never cured of this disease—dis-EASE. Admitting to myself that drinking is not my solution anymore, keeps me in today. It is a process. I get to continue this path of sobriety and protect it like I would my physical condition with exercise. I need to do something every day to exercise and maintain my sobriety to keep it strong. 

Meeting and connecting with others is one of the best ways of doing that. I have never been comfortable calling alcoholism a disease. But I do know that when you have a disease, you have to actively treat it. Some diseases have a cure, but this disease does not. It is a lifelong effort of treatment for me. I have a dis-EASE with others and with life. My tendency is to check out or withdraw. That is not a treatment solution. My treatment involves reconnecting and engaging with life that helps me not withdraw and check out.

My saying that “I am an alcoholic in recovery,” says to others that I am like them and we are on this path of recovery together. We can’t do it alone. My thinking is still flawed. Talking with others and getting crazy thoughts out of my head and onto paper, helps me organize my thoughts. Helps me decide which of those thoughts serve me and which don’t—that I can discard. Saying it out loud in meetings helps take the power out of it for me.

I have little phrases or mantras to keep me focused. One of them is “look up.” I can get focused on obsessing about all I am doing, staying self-centered. Or I can look up and around me where I might be of service to another, taking the focus off of me. Then, I look up further to focus on God and what is not mine to fix or change—”pray up.” Praying for God’s will for me and asking for the power to carry that out. 

Another phrase I use on myself is, “just show up.” Sometimes I don’t want to be with people or I don’t feel “on” so I want to cancel a commitment. I can’t. That starts the process backward of hiding or checking out. I have to show up, whether I want to or not. Sometimes it is just what I need to stay sober and reconnect for that day.

I am not cured or fixed. I am still working on me. God is working on me. The difference now is that I am not drinking and fully present for that to happen. Try these treatments that I use, for yourself today.

Look up.

Show up.

Meet up.

Pray up.

“Nevertheless, I will bring health and healing to it; I will heal my people and will let them enjoy abundant peace and security.”

Jeremiah 33:6

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CLEAN UP

I took this photo from a bus window as we were driving down the streets of Lusaka, Zambia. The phrase that popped up in my head when I saw this was, “Cleaning up my side of the street.”

It is a phrase we use in the AA program. It involves cleaning up the path I am walking on after getting sober. Clearing the path of wreckage I created while drinking and using. This is usually associated with Step 9 and the amends process. Making amends to those I harmed while in my addiction. When we wake up to the fact that there was a wake of destruction that involved all those around us—not just ourselves—there was clean up to do.

The 4th step is about listing all the people we had resentments for and dealing with that. Then, keeping that list of people for later in step 9, where we get to make amends to some of those for whom we held resentments and had harmed. One of the biggest parts for me in the 4th step process of listing my resentments was asking, “what was MY part in this?” Such a big question.

Ownership and accountability.

Whoops, we have some clean up to do. That’s where the brooms come out. Clearing my path—what behaviors I can change and things I can do differently going forward. In this process, it is easy to play the blame game, “if they had not done this, I would not have done that.” This is victim mode and not accountability. That is where cleaning up my side of the street becomes really important.

Not your side of the street. Pointing the finger “over there”—playing the victim. I don’t have enough brooms to clean up my side and your side. And—it’s not my job. That’s between you and God. Someone said to me in a meeting, “Gods business, my business and none of my business.”—your side of the street, none of my business. I have to stay on my side of the street.

Own what I can and let go of the rest.

My part, that’s all I can control.

Clean up my side of the street.

“Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.”

James 5:16

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ODAT

One day at a time.

Last Monday I had 7000 days of sobriety. Still counting the days after nineteen years. Not counting the years, that’s too scary. We don’t have the past and the future has not happened. Staying in sobriety today it is all we have.

My husband, Dick, creates a little number for me every day on a small piece of paper that I carry in my pocket. It represents the number of days I have been sober. This is the most precious piece of jewelry I own and wear every day that you’d never notice unless you ask to see it.

Dick has made these numbers for me since day one. What a beautiful commitment from him to me. And, me to him.

Accountability.

I know that some alcoholics in recovery may not have that kind of support, but we do have each other on this path of sobriety—alcoholics together staying sober one day at a time—talking to each other, keeping each other accountable. We help each other make our sobriety the number one priority in our lives.

If I don’t have my sobriety, I don’t have anything that is precious in my life.

You help me, by telling me and telling others your number of days of sobriety. We all need to hear it.You earn it each day, just by showing up for yourself and others.

Sober.

Restored.

Today.

“Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.”

Psalm 90:12

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JUST WAIT LONGER

"If I’m not back in five minutes…just wait longer.” Jim Carey —Ace Ventura: Pet Detective:  

I love this line. It's funny because it is a great philosophy. 

One of the biggest tricks I learned when I got sober was to press the pause button (just wait longer). This works for most of my destructive thoughts, actions, and behaviors, not just drinking. My brain wants to do whatever it thinks, right now—which gets me in trouble in most cases. 

When I am busy reacting and acting out of self-defense, I usually choose the wrong path. When something comes to mind, it’s not always prudent to act on it. When my behaviors are negatively impacting my day, it’s time to regroup and choose a new way.

Now, I pause—pray for God to guide and direct my thinking, then wait patiently for clearer thinking on the next right thing to do. 

It usually works. Try it.

• Pause.

• Pray.

• Wait.

Then, do the next right thing.

“The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him.”

Lamentations 3:25

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WHO'S RESCUING WHO?

This is the feeling I get when hugging a struggling alcoholic when they first get sober. That feeling of comforting them while in that same moment receiving the richness for myself of being of service to another human being.

That’s when I ask, “Who is rescuing who, here?”

It’s me that is being helped.

God doesn’t always give us what we want—how we want it, but He does give us what we need when we need it. God has placed women in my life to sponsor who have taught me so much. If I am willing, I am teachable. This was not a trait I possessed while self-medicating. You could not tell me anything I didn’t already know. Stubborn. Ears slammed shut.

Whew, I’m glad that is not my attitude today.

Now, I can’t wait to hear what you have to say.

I know now, that God is speaking to me through you. But I have to pay attention and listen to hear Him...through you!

“Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.”

Jeremiah 33:3

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SURRENDER TO WIN

The toughest things in life that we have to face can be where God does his richest work. At the end of my drinking, I could not do it anymore on my own. I had to surrender. It felt like surrender was “giving up” when, in fact, it was the first step in gaining power back.

Surrender to Win.

A paradox.

The dictionary definition of Paradox: “a statement that is seemingly contradictory or opposed to common sense and yet is perhaps true”

This is how alcohol was for me. I felt like alcohol made it easier for me to be me. But the truth was that it took me farther away from the real me and from God. When I finally surrendered and admitted that I was powerless over alcohol, I had finally won. Surrendering to God’s will is not giving up power, but gaining power so that His light will shine in us and through us and light the path for others as well.

The paradox is that we become more powerful when we surrender. The power is there at our disposal at all times. All we have to do is surrender to gain power.

“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9

DYNAMIC PATIENCE

What?

When I think of having patience, I think of being static. Stuck. Until something happens to take me out of waiting. But, patience is not necessarily static, being stuck or waiting.

Definition of Patience: 1) bearing pains or trials calmly or without complaint; 2) steadfast despite opposition, difficulty, or adversity. 3) not hasty or impetuous

Definition of Static: 1) of or relating to bodies at rest or forces in equilibrium. 2) showing little change

Definition of Dynamic: marked by usually continuous and productive activity or change 2) of or relating to physical force or energy. 3) an underlying cause of change or growth.

Aha! There it is. “Dynamic: an underlying cause of change or growth.”

Patience can be dynamic: “Steadfast despite opposition, difficulty or adversity—this being the underlying cause of change or growth.”

God is growing me even when I don’t know it or see Him doing it—like the photo of this sprout—I can’t see what’s happening under the dirt for this growth to come about above the surface—that I get to finally see. How awesome is that? The best part about it is that I can choose to trust God and turn my will over especially when I feel stuck. Keep praying for HIS will and continue waiting.

My sobriety is a process. Patience has never been my “strong suit” as my mother always said. And, I find this hilarious how my husband views patience when he says, “I can’t wait to have patience!”

I can choose to view my patience as dynamic, moving and growing me—even when I can’t see it happening.

Make sense?

“Can anyone hide out in a corner where I can’t see him?” God’s Decree. “Am I not present everywhere, whether seen or unseen?” God’s Decree.”

Jeremiah 23:24 (The Message)

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TRUST THE PROCESS

I heard this in a meeting the other day, “Trust the process, reinvention can be painful.”

It is so easy to focus on all of the pain and upset happening through our growth process. Sometimes it feels like we will never get to the other side of this…whatever it is.

When we get sober, we reinvent ourselves. Nothing is the same. We don’t hang out with our drinking buddies anymore, we meet new sober friends. We have more time because we’re not spending time acquiring the alcohol, drinking it, then getting rid of the evidence. How do we do everything without the safe escape of alcohol to numb when it gets hard? How do we live without it? How do we celebrate victory? Cry and grieve with loss?—especially when they are delivered in the same moment?

How do we reinvent ourselves without the alcohol or drugs defining everything we do. How we respond to life’s challenges?

This reinventing ourselves process can be painful. 

Our daily experiences show us the way. Each day. Each day brings something we need to face. Starting with gratitude helps. When we experience that we CAN get through that one thing without alcohol, our brain records that little victory. Gathering up little victories, one by one, we see it is possible—day by day

Going to meetings and listening how others have done it and learning new ways of handling situations. Praying and asking for God’s help for strength. Sometimes just “feeling” something for the first time without numbing it is scary. Pressing through and getting to the other side of that—Baby steps. Knowing that we CAN. Journal-writing became a healing balm for me.

We have to trust the process along the way. Becoming this new person without alcohol is scary and exciting at the same time. Scary because at first, we don’t know this new person (me) or way of thinking and living—but exciting to find we that we start to like our new selves. 

Death and loss took me to the bottom of my drinking. I have faced death in sobriety and have learned how not to take a drink through it. To move forward and celebrate today’s victory (being sober) in the face of loss, is good. If we look at it another way, being sober through the tough stuff gives others the hope they need to know they can do it too. If we show that we DON’T have to turn to alcohol for the solution, it’s one more victory for us, and hope for others to do the same. 

I used to hate routine. Boring. Same. Monotonous. Now, I count on it. It is stability in my life. It is in the routine of our shared experience staying sober together, where we find the assurance that life continues whether we are happy or sad. We don’t have to change the way we feel by drinking to cope.

I am not sure how anybody goes through this life without faith in God. I do know that God is in the meeting rooms of AA. I see it every day. I have seen atheists come to faith in the rooms, I have seen healing in the rooms. And there is not judgment. God gives us strength to bear the suffering, and in the peace of that strength, lives the joy.

Joy of celebrating our victories even in sadness. 

I never thought that was possible.

But, it is.

Trust the process.

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”

James 1:2-4

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DOGS GET IT.

Dog commands: (human suggestions:)

Drop it. (Stop alcohol or drugs.)

Leave it. (Keep doing that each day.)

Come. (Come to meetings.)

Sit. (Sit in meetings and listen.)

Stay. (Stay until it becomes habit.)

Wait. (Wait for the miracle—and there is one.)

Heel (Heal). (Heal—witness your healing and others around you.)

This is an illustration of what happens when we get sober. It’s a simple program, but it’s not easy. If we can take a lesson from dogs and pay attention to our Master, we will get the treat.

Don’t quit five minutes before the miracle.

“Now there is in Jerusalem near the Sheep Gate a pool…here a great number of disabled people used to lie…One who was there had been an invalid for thirty-eight years. When Jesus saw him lying there and learned that he had been in this condition for a long time, he asked him, “Do you want to get well?”

John 5:2-6

(The man gives an excuse…)

“Then Jesus said to him, “Get up! Pick up your mat and walk.” At once the man was cured; he picked up his mat and walked.”

John 5:8-9

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M.E.S.S.

I am grateful and humbled today.

I recently celebrated 19 years of sobriety—6,942 days in a row. Still counting the days.

My husband makes a little number like this that I have carried in my pocket every day since I got sober. My step-son gave me my 19-year chip—accountability and support from immediate family.

I also connect to the broader recovery community to get the next level of accountability and support. We just came off of a wonderful vacation with family for the last two weeks. I didn’t get to any meetings during that time. Just getting back to my routine of four meetings a week. So, I am missing them—like the air that I breathe. It’s such a part of who I am now.

Thank you to all those living this sobriety life with me. You know who you are. And, to those not here yet, I am saving a seat for you.

Because—you are now my mission. 

M—Mission

E—Evident

S—Since

S—Sobriety

Out of my mess came my purpose. Service. Helping others to live sober and stay sober. And, now, I can help lead the way for others out of loneliness and darkness of addiction. 

I am praying for you to join us (even though I don’t know you yet)

You will join the good sober life.

Then you will help others do the same.

" For it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose.”

Philippians 2:13

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LETTING GO OF DETAILS

I am a control freak.

I think if I can control the details of everything, it will all be ok, right?

Wrong.

I find that I can wrap my brain around so many details that there is NO room for the spiritual light to come in and work its magic.

“Be still and know that I am God” Psalm 46:10

That's where this verse comes into my mind. I find that I am closer to people, to animals, to nature and to God when I free my mind of details of this world.

God can’t be invited into my life to sit down and have a conversation when I am so busy with other thoughts and “to-do’s” taking up space in my head.

If I have difficulty with this, I pray for release of not needed information and details. Praying only for the knowledge of His will for me and the power to carry that out.

Then—and only then, will I know peace.

“Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth.”

Genesis 9:16

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SEE ONE. DO ONE. TEACH ONE.

I love this phrase.

My husband shared with me that in his dental school, his professors taught by this method:

“See one. Do one. Teach one.” This is such a great way for learning a new procedure and having the knowledge actually stick. I was thinking of this method in regards to my sobriety and how to:

Get sober. Be Sober. Stay Sober.

SEE ONE: Go to meetings. See another alcoholic who is sober and do what they do. Listen and learn. Connect. Keep showing up.

DO ONE: This is where we get to do it ourselves—actually live sober. Do the work. Get a sponsor. Work the 12 Steps. Connect with other through meetings. Pray and stay connected to God. Repeat daily.

TEACH ONE: Service—the fastest way out of my own selfish thinking is to help another in need. Reaching out that helping hand. It is essentially the spirit of the 12th step. “ Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.” To carry the message of how to stay sober to another suffering soul. Just like someone did for me. Sponsorship. Yes, that is what I do now. Shine the light for others.

Now it’s your turn.

Go teach another how to do this sober life by showing them the way.

Get sober. Be Sober. Stay Sober.

“Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you may also be tempted.”

Galatians 6:1

SOBRIETY SHOWS

I was in an early meeting and heard a young man telling his recovery story. He was celebrating 8-years sober that day. As we all listened he got to the part where alcohol was not working for him anymore. He told of a friend getting him to a meeting and he heard what he needed to hear.

He talked about knowing the “look” of another alcoholic, identifying those things with his own experiences and behaviors. He said that he noticed one of his friends in sobriety becoming…

Less sweaty.

Less red in the face.

Less angry.

It caught my attention that he noticed. He saw what sobriety looked like. He wanted that. When we sit in meetings and tell our stories, the new people are watching. They can see change and want to know how we got sober and stayed sober.

Here’s how:

• Stop drinking today.

• Ask for help.

• Pray for strength.

• Join us in meetings.

• Get a sponsor.

• Work the 12 steps.

• Be in service.

• Stay grateful.

• Show others the way.

We’ll be here when you are ready.

You in?

“Put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.”

Ephesians 4:22-24

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