VICTIM OR VICTOR

Stuff happens. That doesn’t make me a victim. 

I have failed. That doesn’t make me a failure.

I have suffered loss. That doesn’t make me a loser.

We all have trials, but they don’t have to define us and be excuses to stay stuck... “This is why I am the way I am.”  A victim mentality is characterized by blaming others, while a victor mentality is characterized by taking responsibility and working to find solutions:

Victim 

• Blame others for what happens to them

• Complain and make excuses

Victor 

• Take responsibility for my part and my attitudes

• Apologize and work to find a solution and reconciliation

Even though I don’t drink anymore, I say I am an alcoholic in recovery because it gives power to my recovery (the victory.) I can help others by identifying where I have come from, but it doesn’t have to continue to define me or keep me there. 

I can claim my sobriety date as a defining moment when I step from victim—this happening to me—into victor—claiming God’s power over my obsession to drink and the thinking and behaviors that control it.

The victory lies in how we frame the circumstances and our thoughts. I can rearrange the old patterns of behaviors of reacting to the world around me. By pausing, seeing others as allies in this process of responsible living—I can be a victor by responding in a healthy way.

Choosing different behaviors, not old patterns. Only then will I begin to look at everything in a new way. It’s okay to ask for help from somebody close to you, and from God. Choose a different behavior. Watch the world change around you in response. A new adventure.

First step is to show up. Then, you can step into the light just by how you view yourself. Work the 12 Steps to review your life. You are a victor. Have an attitude of humility and gratitude. 

I have more to learn.

Show up.

Step into the light.

Show the way for others.

“Let us examine our ways and test them, and let us return to the Lord.” Lamentations 3:40

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A NEW PERSPECTIVE

For years, I looked at drinking as a way to take myself a notch down, relax, not have a care. Not deal with the things in my life that troubled me. It felt like I could think better and it made me feel like I had greater access to creativity—the artist in me. Drugs and alcohol made me “more of me.” (LOL)

This could not be further from truth.

As my drinking progressed, my thinking became more fuzzy. My perspective more skewed. My behaviors inconsistent with what I knew was right. All of that thinking was Ego—self-centered fear. In reality, drinking and drugs took me further away from me. And, it was separation from God. I heard a guy in meeting share the other day, “I may not be much, but I’m all I think about.”—Self. Ego.

E.G.O.—Edging God Out.

How did I stop my addictive behaviors?

1) I took the first step of surrender. I had to acknowledge I was powerless over my addiction, and quite frankly, everything in my life.

2) Then I came to believe that a power greater than myself could restore me to sanity if I sought Him.

3) Then I turned my will over to God.

Then, I could begin the healing process of reviewing long-rehearsed behaviors in my life that kept me stuck—stalled from moving forward again into purpose. I surrendered that strong hold I had on the crutch that I thought I needed. When I did that, I realized the strong hold it had on me. I could turn to God and ask for help.

I connected with others who knew the way up and out. They showed me how to show up to meetings and then get out of my own way to be available to be used by God to serve others again. Purpose.

When I let go of this false “wall of protection” called alcohol and drugs, I surrendered to God in humility. I was able to access the source of power and to not be separated from that gift of light. That light of hope that motivates me to come out of myself and think about others. To be the person God meant for me to be. To look at this life through a new lens. A new pair of glasses, through which I can view the world.

A New Perspective.

Step into the light today.

Show up for life again.

If I can do it, so can you.

“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”

Romans 12:2

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WORDS MATTER

When I first got sober, 7,424 days ago, I was afraid to tell my story out loud. It put words to my bad behavior. I didn’t want to let people know that I had failed. The truth had so much shame attached to it. My story felt ickey.

When, in fact, the truth was just the truth. I had added all of the shame and judgement to it. When I told my story to others in meetings, they got it. Because they had been in the same place at one time.

Each time I told my story and truth, there was a “power” in it that had been released. The weight of it seemed lightened. Easier each time I said it. I was the one who had added to power to the story. It was just the truth and in saying it out loud, I could accept the truth, then let it go. I didn’t have to be attached to the story and its meaning for me anymore. That was part of surrender for me.

The outcome of my story can be different now as I go forward. The story isn’t me. It was how I chose to behave in reaction to my circumstances while drinking. I can choose differently now, with God’s help and direction. The outcome is in God’s hand when I surrender to Him for help.

We are not bad people—just people doing bad behavior—Behavior I can change.

My new words have power to redefine who I am. I can be who God intended, just by releasing the power that old “shame narrative” held over me. This is the concept of meetings in AA. People of like minds and experiences getting together to support each other and share our journeys with each other—that others might find hope in each others’ words—“if she did it, maybe I can too.”

Words matter.

People told me that when I share my story, that I might help somebody else. Wow, I never looked at it that way before. I can be of service to others and God can use me and my story to help somebody else??? My story can be flipped and used for good.

Purpose.

This brings such hope—

For me, and for you.

“You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.”

Genesis 50:20

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SELF-CARE

When service becomes exhausting for me, it’s called codependency!

I realized after getting sober, I was also a codependent. I heard someone say the definition of codependency that resonated with me: “Helping another person at the expense of myself.” That is the exhausting part. Giving up something I need to do for myself and my own sobriety to help someone else. That is not helping either person.

When I first got sober I learned that the quickest way out of my own spiraled thinking, was to help someone else—to be of service. This worked for me, and I also have to have balance with that. There is a middle ground where I can be in service and still stay healthy.

How do I reframe this?

Self-care.

Self-care is not Selfish.

What is Self-care?

Self-care is being intentional with your time and with boundaries for your own sobriety, meditating, praying, spending time with loved ones or outside with exercise, going to meetings to hear God speak.

We can’t give what we don’t have.

We need to fill our spiritual tank. 

Rest in this day.

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.”

John 14:27

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COMING HOME

Summer of 2004. It was my first meeting ever.

A dingy room downtown, filled with lively and chatty people. I was shaking madly. Not from nervousness, but from withdrawal.

My friend, Dan, leaned over to me and whispered that I didn’t need to announce myself when they asked for newcomers. But when they did ask for newcomers, I jumped up automatically and said loud and clear, as though I had been preparing to do that for years,

“Hi, I’m Heidi, and I’m an alcoholic.”

Dan broke out laughing. At the time, I didn’t understand why. Later, I would understand how hard it is to say those words out loud for the first time. Not for me right then. The freedom and relief in that moment was overwhelming—plus the room erupted in applause like I had just sunk a 30-foot putt!

Actually, I had.

Figuratively, I had been trying to line up that putt for years. Without God blowing it in on the final two inches when the roll started to slow down, I never would have made it into the cup.

Into sobriety. Finally. Surrender. I had carried the weight of it long enough.

I was ready.

I was home.

I was safe.

“Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.” James 5:16

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PRESCRIPTION FOR A MIRACLE

In a recent meeting, we were reading out of the Big Book of AA. It was a story called, “Keys of The Kingdom.” I love this story. It was written in the era of Prohibition. She was critical in helping develop AA in Chicago.

Within the story, she talks about 

"At twenty-five I had developed an alcoholic problem. I began making the rounds of the doctors in the hope that one of them might find some cure for my accumulating ailments, preferably something that could be removed surgically. Of course the doctors found nothing. Just an unstable woman, undisciplined, poorly adjusted, and filled with nameless fears. Most of them prescribed sedatives and advised rest and moderation.” —Big Book of AA

I love this. It made me giggle that she wanted her alcoholism to be removed surgically. Me too. She was looking for a medical answer to a spiritual problem—A prescription for a miracle for sobriety.

I found that the only answer could be found in turning my will over to God, first, then seeking connection with others like myself in the rooms of AA. That is the miracle.

The prescription for the miracle?

Prayer

Show up for my life.

Go to Meetings.

Service to Others

It is working for me this day and every day since I got sober for over 7400 days in a row.

Try it.

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Psalm 34:18

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STOPPING.

All of the sayings we have in recovery are critical for our thinking in recovery. Each saying is a tool for us to remember and practice.

One-Day-At-A-Time is one of them. Incremental progress is critical. One day. Just today. Then when I wake up tomorrow, I will show up for that day sober. Each day adding to the next until my incremental day-by-day progress becomes monumental.

We all of a sudden look back and see that we have accumulated some time in sobriety. Not drinking or using for this day too. 

In one of the stories in the Big Book of AA, a man talks about before he quit drinking and admitted he had a problem. He was in denial that he even had a problem. Someone said to him that he may have a drinking problem. To which he replied, “I don’t have a drinking problem. I have a stopping problem.”

A stopping problem.

So true. I can relate.

You may ask, “How do I stop in the first place once I have started drinking for that day?”

I just heard this from a woman I sponsor, “Courage Over Comfort” What does that mean? The courage to stop drinking for today over the comfort of the routine of drinking that I know. 

Recipe for success: Stop now. Pray for God’s help and direction. Go to a meeting and connect with others like yourself. Call another alcoholic. Go to bed sober. Wake up, then repeat the next day.

Stop today.

One-Day-At-A-Time

Incremental Becomes Monumental.

“Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.”

Psalm 90:17

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NO. —IS A COMPLETE SENTENCE.

No, Thank you.

“No.”— complete sentence. NO—period.

I have always put way too much on my schedule, over-committing and then, not being able to get it all done. Frazzled and not doing any one thing very well. I didn’t want to be left out or miss anything—so I over-committed, giving just some of myself to too many things.

I think God is calling me to slow down and do SOME of the things with ALL of me and not doing ALL of the things with SOME of me.

My sponsor told me early in sobriety that I have a problem saying “no” to people. I don’t want to disappoint. So I say “yes” and play the martyr role and “resent” you instead—for guilting me into saying yes, when, it was me who had made the bad choice. People pleasing. I don’t get to please you, then resent you. I don’t have to come up with a “good” excuse for my NO either. Just No. By saying yes, when I mean to say no, I buy many more problems and situations to unravel later. When “No.” releases me right now.

I have also heard this helpful saying:

“Say what you mean. Mean what you say. And, don’t say it mean.”

I am taking care of myself in this way.

Self care is not selfish.

No, thank you.

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

Philippians 4:6-7

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DIVINE NATURE

Imago Dei—This term is Latin for, "Image of God”— Our Divine nature.

Last Friday, in my women’s meeting, a woman with many years of sobriety walked into our meeting with her brand new baby—11 days old. The room lit up with excitement over new life. It was something to see a group of women in recovery responding like that.

Later, another woman shared that we respond to babies because they are a reminder of the Divine being delivered into the world through our bodies into this life. She went on to say that as we get older, we forget that we still have that divinity within us. 

We get caught up in this life and when things go south for us in our world, we forget to tap into that divinity within us. 

When we reach our bottoms in addiction, we are at the end of ourselves—our human selves. We needed to start living differently or we would die. We needed help. From other humans and from God. We have forgotten how to “feed” the spiritual side of ourselves. We are too busy “feeding” our earthly physical desires that don’t serve us—or others.  

In our surrender to God, we become like children, learning how to be humans again in our recovery. We come into meetings, see others like ourselves showing us how to live their lives in recovery without the help of drugs or alcohol—but with the help of others and God. 

Then, with baby steps, we are new again. Like babies with the Divine visible in us for all to see. 

I am sober again today.

Renewed in the image of God.

I am lit up with excitement for your new life!

“Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator”

Colossians 3:9-10

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SIMPLE

I always heard in AA meetings that this is a simple program, but not easy. We need to stop the addictive behavior. Keeping stopped is the “not easy” part. That requires a little work. Looking at those behaviors and replacing them with healthier behaviors.  

Definition of Simple: "Having few parts or features; not complicated or elaborate.” 

Not complicated. I am the one who tends to over-complicate things. Keeping it simple is the first part of the plan for recovery. 

I need only to...

Come.

Sit.

Stay.

Listen.

Heel (heal.)

I think I hear my Master’s voice...I will try and follow.

"My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me”

John 10:27

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The Paradox of Surrender

When I first got sober, I felt that surrender was “giving up” when, in fact, it was the first step in gaining power back. Yes, I had to “give up” the alcohol to begin my recovery. I wasn’t “giving up” on me—I was admitting I was powerless over my addiction. I had to stop fighting, to stop resisting everything in life, including the illusive power I thought I had over my addiction. I had none.

Addiction is tricky. We think we are managing our drinking just fine, when in reality, it is managing us. I had to completely surrender–

The dictionary definition of Paradox:

“Apparently self-contradictory statement whose underlying meaning is revealed only by careful scrutiny. In poetry, PARADOX functions as a device encompassing the tensions of error and truth simultaneously, When a paradox is compressed into two words, as in “living death,” it is called an oxymoron.”

I had become an oxymoron. I was alive, but spiritually dead—unable to respond. This is how alcohol was for me. It made it easier for me to be me. But the truth was that it took me further from the real me and from God. When I surrendered my will, it all changed.

The paradox is that I became more powerful when I surrendered to God. Prayer is the door we open to access that power that is available to us all of the time.

All we have to do is surrender to gain power. 

Then give it away to keep it :)))

Thy will, not mine, be done.

"You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires;  to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.” 

Ephesians 4:22-24

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UNACCOMPANIED MINOR

Most airlines you can purchase a service for minors flying alone: 

"Our unaccompanied minor service is required for kids who are traveling alone.” United Airlines

Boy that description describes most people who suffer from addiction.

It sometimes felt like I was doing this life on my own—like a parent putting their child on a flight by themselves—an unaccompanied minor. Flying solo. Drinking as I got older made me feel able to be more “a part of” the scene. More relaxed. Fears calmed. More adult. Confident that I could fit in with others and be ok. Accompanied—In reality, it took me further away from my true self and from others.

Maybe that’s why they serve alcohol on planes? For all the unaccompanied minors on the aircraft. In my alcoholism, I was MORE of an unaccompanied minor. My behaviors were random, unreliable, and unpredictable. Childlike. 

The late Matthew Perry said this about his journey in addiction:

"I was so often on the outside looking in, still that kid up in the clouds on a flight to somewhere else, unaccompanied.”  Matthew Perry

How was I to live this life without my best friend, alcohol? What was the solution to my disease of alcoholism and addiction? It took me many years to get there, but I finally found my answer…Connection. When I took the alcohol out of the mix, I was able to reconnect. 

Connection and surrender to God, who is always with me. God always was with me, I was just separated from access to His power when I was drinking. And, connection with others people like myself (meetings.) I never have to be alone. 

With God and connection with others, I am never unaccompanied in this life.

Sober. 

Fully present. 

Connected. 

Try it. It’s free :)

“Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand.” Psalm 73:23

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PROFESSIONAL STUDENT

Last week in my favorite women’s AA meeting, I heard a woman with many years of sobriety sharing how she got sober in the 80’s. She was sharing about a woman she was sponsoring coming up on a year of sobriety. While sharing, she accidentally said this, “She was getting many days lined up in a row and was coming up on her “A”—oh, I’m sorry, I meant coming up on her YEAR!”

This mistake really spoke to me, as I related to wanting to get the “A” in everything. Being performance-driven, I always had to get the “A” or push toward graduating. On the other hand, I LOVED school and being a student, so I didn’t want to graduate. If I could have been a professional student, I would have been.

When I was 50-years-old and ended up at the bottom of my drinking, I found recovery and started to go to AA meetings. A few months into the program, someone asked me if I had done “90 in 90” and asked what that was—It is 90 meetings in 90 days. 

Being the willing an “anxious-to-do-this-right” student of the program, I got out my calendar. I marked on my calendar all the meetings I would go to and started in. Well, I ended up doing MORE than 90 meetings in 90 days, being the over-achiever that I am.

At the end of this process, I said, “Now what?” I realized the answer to that was that this was the plan. This was my life now, with all of these meetings. My behaviors were set in a new pattern. A new habit and plan for living that didn’t involve alcohol. Such a great revelation for me.

In realizing that going to meetings was continuous and ongoing, I was happy to know that I would never graduate from this recovery program. I had achieved my “professional student” status and was pleased. Now, I attend 4 meetings a week. It is a part of my life of continuous learning, from others and from God, how to live my life without alcohol.

Love my life as a sober, professional student.

I am grateful for continuous learning.

“Rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with gratefulness.” Colossians 2:7

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ANY MEANS NECESSARY

When I first got sober this phrase, “By any means necessary” became my mantra. What was I willing to do to stay sober? I was not going to go back to that way of life with alcohol. So, I did what others before me did. I listened to those in the meeting rooms and my sponsor. I worked through the 12-steps. I did what was required to retrain my brain to live sober—by any means necessary.

I was thinking back on the Pandemic and how terrible that was for alcoholics and addicts. Stay secluded and isolated. Don’t be with anybody—the things most dangerous for addiction to flourish. We need connection—to be with each other, talk and stay out of isolation (isolation—where we could hide and drink and use) 

I did not like Zoom. But it saved us during the shutdown. We were able to have meetings online for a time. Not the same as in person. People could show up on screen and still be drinking. So easy. How would we know? I had serious doubts about people staying sober through this. Even more serious doubt about anybody getting sober for the first time. During that time, Zoom meetings became “any means necessary” not ideal, but all we had. 

Later that summer 2020 during the pandemic, the CZU fires broke out in Santa Cruz County. Friends (a couple) came to live with us for a 11 days while they were evacuated from Mount Hermon. He was a pastor, and at that time, was leading that MH Christian Conference Center. While they were here, after dinner we would listen to the fire update all together upstairs, then I would go down to my office where I would lead a Zoom AA meeting for our church online for an hour each night. On my way down the stairs, our pastor friend would call out to me, “Give 'em Heaven, Heidi!” 

I loved that so much. It reminded me that this was my purpose, to carry God’s message to those who still suffer. I was blessed by that man encouraging me to shine through the difficult times.

And, so I did.

Just as God is in the rooms of live meetings today as we are reconnected, God permeated the Zoom meetings of AA while it was our only means of connection. I tried to be the light and bring my knowledge of how to stay sober and pray with them and point them to God. 

Shortly after that, during the shutdown, our church allowed us to meet in the church back parking lot outside to hold our recovery meetings in person. Another blessing. Wrapped in our blankets in beach chairs at night in that parking lot, not seeing each other in the dark—but knowing we were there together to support each other. We shared our recovery with those who did not know how to do this recovery thing. We did it—by any means necessary. 

We got through that with the help of others and God. It reminds us that we can…

Stay sober no matter what.

Know God is with us in hard times

Do all it takes—

By any means necessary. 

“No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.”

Hebrews 12:11

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BECOME THE CHANGE

While driving the other day, I heard a song on the radio. I didn’t know the song, but the lyric that screamed at me was this line:

“I couldn’t make the change, so You became the change in me.”

Wow, that requires surrender.

My controls on my life and behaviors (my drinking) were not working—however hard I worked on convincing myself that they were.

Surrender to gain power.

Once I let go and let God in to do the work in me, the power to do the work that I needed to do now, was accessible to me. It became easier to walk in that direction of change. It was not necessarily logical. In fact, it was rather miraculous.

I didn’t have to do this life on my own power. Well, that’s a relief.

In the literature of our program of recovery there is a line that says, God did for me what I could not do for myself. My upbringing was all about being responsible and making sure you followed the rules and did everything “right”—ok, what is “right”? Isn’t that relative to what the rules are and the rule-maker?

When I figured out God wanted me to succeed and that He was rooting for me—not here to “trip me up” and punish me for bad behavior, I realized that the guidelines/rules were there for me to succeed, not to fail.

Grace.

It’s not about right or wrong, success or failure—it is about figuring out that we have a choice each moment to do the NEXT right thing for that moment based on the information we have before us and trusting that if I surrender my will, God’s Will, can—and will be done.

Collaboration. The pressure is off. I don’t have to perform. I have a power source to lean on and depend upon. My weakness doesn’t have to define me. It can be an example for others that they can do this life sober too—

With God’s help.

And, I will be here for you too.

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”
2 Corinthians 12:9

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ONE AMONG MANY

I spent many years trying to succeed and be the best at everything. It was all about performance and “standing out.” There was so much pressure in that. The greatest judge of whether I was succeeding or not was me. It was too much work, exhausting and unfulfilling. I found my drinking escalating to help me cope with that high bar I had placed for myself. 

When I hit my bottom of drinking, I could not hold all of that together anymore by myself. When I found recovery meetings, they told me when I was broken and lost to “stay at the center of the herd” Just as in the animal kingdom, many packs hide their young at the center of the herd for them to not to be picked off by predators while standing on the perimeter.

I also found that I could not just stand on the perimeter of this program of recovery, one foot in and one foot out—I had to jump in with both feet. In the Big Book of AA, it says, “Half measures availed us nothing. We stood at the turning point. We asked His protection and care with complete abandon...No one among us has been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence to these principles. We are not saints. The point is, that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines. The principles we have set down are guides to progress. We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection."

Until I understood that the others in recovery were there showing me how to do this life sober, I had to stay in the middle of the herd and learn under their protection. I had to stop thinking I knew how to do this on my own. In the chapter on “How It Works” of the Big Book of AA it says, "First of all, we had to quit playing God. It didn’t work. Next, we decided that hereafter in this drama of life, God was going to be our Director. He is the Principal; we are His agents. He is the Father, and we are His children. Most good ideas are simple, and this concept was the keystone of the new and triumphant arch through which we passed to freedom."

The longer we stay together in the meetings, learn, and trust God, we get stronger and become able to stand strong for the others in the group who are still suffering. I became one among many which was a comforting place to be for me alongside my fellows in sobriety. No standing out. No pressure of being the best at this. Once I figured out that it wasn’t all about me anymore, I could finally get out of my own way and be of service to God and to others within the group. Everyone brings different gifts to the table.

We can’t do this alone. I love surrounding those who need to stay in the middle of the herd while they are in their suffering. I don’t need to stand out any longer. I understand and love being One Among Many.

Grateful to know there is a way out.

Grateful to be able to show the way.

Grateful to be of service in this way.

1 Corinthians 12:4-6

"There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit distributes them. There are different kinds of service, but the same Lord. There are different kinds of working, but in all of them and in everyone it is the same God at work."

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ROUTINE.

These days, I can over-complicate my life and get into overwhelm quickly. I don’t have the bandwidth for chaos, which in my drinking days I seemed to thrive upon. Sometimes I have to just pull back and be quiet. Start with where my feet are. Right here. Today. Return to the basics of my own routine of recovery. I need to do what works to keep me centered. 

Routine: a regular course of procedure.

When I was drinking, my life was scattered and chaotic. Drinking helped me quiet the chaos, especially in my mind. When I stopped drinking, I was still in my brain and the thinking was still there. I had to learn another way to quiet my thinking and acting. Going to meetings helped with that. Sitting and listening to others share their hopeful experiences of how they did that.

When I first got sober, someone in an AA meeting came up to me and said, “have you done 90 in 90 yet?” Of course, I didn’t know what that was. They told me to do 90 meetings in 90 days. 

That gave me a focus. All I had to do was go to a meeting every day for 90 days? Ok, I can do that. In fact, being the obsessive person that I am, I got out my calendar and marked all the meetings I was going to attend. I began the process. I also attended more than one meeting in a day and ended up doing MORE than 90 meetings in 90 days! Little over-achiever that I am, ha ha. When I got to the end, I thought, “Now, what?”—It occured to me that it was now a part of my daily routine and my life. 

What a concept. 

Retraining my brain to incorporate those meetings into my daily life. Routine Maintenance. I used to despise the word routine, because it seemed so boring. But now I count on it for my stability. 

We can break the cycle of addiction, which is partly habit (routine.) The addiction cycle is what we think works for us, but in reality, is temporary and not helpful for a healthy lifestyle.

Now, I count on the basic routine every day: 

• Surrender to God 

• Say the Third Step Prayer each morning 

• Connect with others

• Go to meetings

• Pray for God’s Will for how to serve others.

The Third Step Prayer

"God, I offer myself to Thee—
To build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt.
Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will.
Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness
to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life.
May I do Thy will always! Amen."

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Number Our Days

“Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom” Psalm 90:12 

My husband took this verse literally and started helping me stay sober from day one. When I finally surrendered to God and stopped drinking, we called our friend, Dan, to ask him what should we do now that I had decided to stop drinking? Dan suggested that Dick make a little number for me that I carry in my pocket every day. I have kept every one them. 

Yes, by the grace of God, I stopped drinking 7,318 days ago, which is over 20 years now. I still count the days because this day is all I have…it’s all any of us has, right?

This is accountability. For me and for him and for others. He has faithfully created these numbers for me each day, for 7,318 days in a row. It keeps me in today—not in the past nor obsessing on future “what if’s”

I get to show up every day for others to show them the way too!

Join us Today.

You won’t regret it.

"This is the day the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it.” Psalm 118:24

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EVERYBODY KNOWS YOUR NAME

It’s funny, a friend mentioned in our recovery meeting the other night that he found himself singing the Cheers theme song (TV show from the 80’s). The song was about going to the same bar and drinking where “everybody knows your name.”

He was speaking of what happens in our recovery meetings. It is a safe place to go and be known and heard—where everybody knows your name—without the alcohol part. It makes so much sense.

Our meetings are the same concept. We meet. We share with each other in honesty and fellowship. We talk about the bad and celebrate the good with each other and cheer each other on. The sharing of the hard stuff and having others relate is so bonding. It creates a safe space for others to do the same.

Recovery meetings. There is no other venue in the world like it. The same concept that drove us to the bar, now drives us to meetings—again, without the alcohol. We find fellowship and understanding. Camaraderie—close friendships, teammates, loyalty. We share unique understanding of where our addictions and compulsions have taken us. Then we hear how others have come through the hardships and tragedies without having to drink or use. We learn from each other and support when there is no obvious answer to our dilemmas. We find a spiritual connection with God and each other. Our trust gets stronger. In God, in each other and the process itself.

We see how our progress and transformation can help others. Just by showing up to meetings and sharing, we are being of service to others. The “habit” of meetings gets established to replace the old habit of checking out as our solution. What a concept. We say at the end of each meeting “Keep coming back, it works.” Or as I like to say, “It’s working.” Which implies the process is continuous and ongoing.

We hope you join us on this path to recovery, where…

Everybody knows your name.

Cheers to Recovery!

Cheers—Where Everybody Knows Your Name (Theme song)

“Making your way in the world today takes everything you've got. Taking a break from all your worries, sure would help a lot. Wouldn't you like to get away? Sometimes you want to go…Where everybody knows your name, and they're always glad you came. You wanna be where you can see, our troubles are all the same, You wanna be where everybody knows Your name.”

“Do not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.”

Hebrews 10:25

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MAKING BETTER CHOICES

I was practicing making bad choices over and over during my drinking days. Not only the drinking, but selfish decisions for myself based only on what I wanted or needed. The drinking was a symptom and coverup for my selfish thinking. When I got sober, I had to rethink my attitude and problem-solving methods. The way I responded to life in general. Like a child. Relearning (or learning for the first time) how to behave responsibly with others and in the world.

Recently, I got to travel to Colorado to see my niece and nephews and their children. What a blessing to be with them. While watching my niece discipline her youngest girl (almost 5), I got to witness her parenting style. So good. One of the things she said in a very calm voice, to her daughter after she’d just had some aggressive behavior toward her brother (him crying in the background), was this phrase, 

“Maybe next time you could make a better choice.” 

Wow.

I needed to hear that. This phrase is packed with meaning for us all:

It wasn’t punitive or accusatory. It was a helpful suggestion. Involving the child in the process of what just went on. It put what just happened squarely on her daughter’s shoulders without condemnation. It let her know the next behavior choice was on her. Accountability. Without a threat of punishment, her mind was freed up to look at what she had done and make the connection of how it affected others. It helped her own it and look at how her behavior had hurt someone else. Then make apologies.

This hit home for me. This last paragraph sounds like the recovery program and how the 12-step process begins to restore us after practicing our addictions and bad behaviors for so long—

Recovery begins the process of making better choices for our lives.

Today, I have 7,305 days of sobriety. That is 20 years. I choose to stay in today and still count the days because this day is all I have. I am sober today. 

Over the days (and years) of my sobriety, I have learned new behaviors to respond to life in this recovery program. I prayed for God to remove the obsession of alcohol. He did. I became willing to learn new ways and do the work to maintain that. Then, I got a sponsor, who guided me through the 12-steps. I still attend 4 meetings a week. I began to turn my attitude and thinking outward toward helping others. I sponsor many other women how I was sponsored. I show up each day for God’s work and service to give away what was so freely given to me. I pray that you join us in recovery.

Through this process, I have learned new behaviors and I am now...

Making Better Choices.

Humbled and grateful for sobriety this day.

“Show me your ways, LORD, teach me your paths.” Psalm 25:4

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