Recently, I had to deliver a communication that I did not want to deliver. I usually avoid confrontation at all cost. In the “fight or flight” category, I am definitely flight.
In my drinking days, I wouldn’t even attempt this. I would just check out and drink because it was too hard. Easier to avoid. Then, it would just stay in my brain whirling around and around on the hamster wheel never coming to an end and continuing to build into a storm. An explosion would eventually happen and then I would have to apologize and clean that up. What a disaster of a way to deal with it. But, that was how I handled any confrontation—only dealing with it when it came to the unmanageable explosion part.
How about some preventive maintenance? Then, I don’t have to clean it up later. What a concept. That’s what I try and do now.
Sober living requires it.
There is a saying that goes like this: Say what you mean. Mean what you say. And, don’t say it mean.
I am trying to practice this more and more.
This saying takes all of the angst out of a particular communication and keeps it a clean delivery. I am not saying it’s easy—in fact, it takes strength and self-discipline. I never want to confront anybody. Yuck. Don’t want to deal with the backlash or possible anger, disappointment, or hurt the other might feel as a result of my communication. And, worst of all—they may not like me anymore—ha! there it is.
So, what I am really doing when I hold onto the communication and let it fester inside of me, is—I am drinking the poison and expecting them to die. Ridiculous.
If I press through my feelings and get to the clear and clean communication, deliver it in love—it usually turns out so much better. Whew. It doesn’t have to be the big deal that my brain wants it to be!
Say what you mean. Mean what you say. And, don’t say it mean.
Try it. It is working for me.
“For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline. ”
2 Timothy 1:7
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