When we get to Step 4 in the 12 steps, we start to examine our ways and see that what we are doing is not working anymore. We begin to clean house. There is a saying in AA about this:
“Keep your side of the street clean.”
“Cleaning up my side of the street” takes on a whole new literal meaning when my neighbor lets their dog come over and poop just outside of our gate, right in line with the tires of my husband’s car, so that when he backs out, he will flatten it. So I usually check, ok, there it is—pick it up and throw it in our garbage. The vindictive me wants to put the bag of poop on his doorstep. But, I don’t. Not the dog’s fault. His owner is not being responsible. I can’t make him be responsible. He probably doesn’t even know it’s happening—But, I take it personally as an assault on me.
I know—this photo should have been of dog poop. The QTIP is a more pleasant reminder to not take everything in life so personally.
A friend in a meeting the other day said this acronym:
QTIP Quit Taking It Personally
Every day, things happen to us that are out of our control, that we can choose to take personally—or not. I can recall times in relationships when I’ve been hurt, and then taking it out on them or others, focusing only on what that person did wrong or go straight to fighting back and revenge. While that may have felt good at the time, what I didn’t realize when I was doing these things, was that I was actually making my side of the street dirty – I’m not improving the situation for anyone. I will just have to “clean up that mess with that person later”
We can try to be in control, but things are going to happen to us regardless. We cannot control the actions of others – but what we can control is our response.
Our response is everything.
Instead of worrying and taking things personally, I can keep my side of the street clean, by focusing on the positive – and what I can control – and not let myself get in the negative thought cycle obsessing on “what they did or didn’t do.” Having an attitude of gratitude puts my mind in right-thinking and then right-acting.
My neighbor’s poop in my driveway is just an example of when I think someone has offended me. My response to anything said or done to me is critical—for my own mental health. I can torture myself with revenge thoughts or actions, which helps nobody, or pause, or go about my own business doing one positive care action for myself or somebody else.
Things I can do:
• Pick up my own dog’s poop—Clean up my thoughts
• Pick up his dog’s poop and put in in my garbage can—Right action—letting go of negative thoughts or actions.
• Be grateful that I am alive and sober—Grateful thoughts
• Go help somebody in a small way—Positive thoughts or actions.
• Pray for that person for calm and peace—Turning over outcomes to God.
• Kiss my own dog and smile—Action for myself
Serenity prayer
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.
Amen
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