Looking back in the rearview mirror is a good thing.
From the Promises of AA: “…we will not regret the past, nor wish to shut the door on it…”
A woman was sharing her story in one of my regular women’s meetings. She was talking about her continuous relapse and how her husband was so exhausted by her many attempts at staying sober. She told us how after she had finally gotten sober, her husband shared with her of when he dropped her off at an AA meeting…
He watched her walk in while sitting in his car in the parking lot as she was tried to find where the meeting was. He stayed and watched from the car as a fellow member was outside the room and reached out a hand to her. She put her arm around her to guide her into the meeting as she hung her head and cried at arriving “home.” Her husband shared with her later how he felt watching that, “God was doing for you what you could not do for yourself.”
I love that story. It reminded me of my own early sobriety, when my husband was there for me helping me to find this meeting 7,746 days ago—21 years—where I was sitting hearing this story! Wow. Good rear view mirror story!
I have said many times, “If I could have gotten sober on my own, I would have!” It wasn’t until I completely surrendered my will to God and asked for help, that He relieved me of my obsession to drink. When I stopped drinking and started to live my recovery, I started to see the miracles unfold in my life. One very happy miracle was this story…
When I was one year sober, my stepson and daughter-in-law needed us to babysit our oldest grandson, who was 4-years-old at the time. It required me to drive from Aptos to Los Gatos to go pick him up and then drive back alone with him in my car. This called for a lot of trust on the part of our kids. I could not be trusted with this task one year prior, when I was drinking.
Watching my daughter-in-law install the car seat in my car and strap him in, I was overwhelmed with gratitude for them both trusting me with this precious cargo—their son. I hugged my daughter-in-law and thanked her for her trusting me to watch over her son and stay sober!
On the drive home, Ryan and I were talking. I could see him in the rear view mirror in the back seat while I was driving. I was overwhelmed at what was transpiring and began to quietly cry. He saw me crying and asked, “Gramma Heidi, why are you crying?” I told him that I was crying happy tears at having him with me in the car and being with him for the weekend.
My tears of gratitude were for the miracle of my sobriety being the reason I was in this situation. God doing for me what I could not do for myself.
Looking in my rear view mirror of my past, I got to see today, 20 years later!
My 24-year-old grandson has never seen me drink.
I am sober.
I am grateful.
“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.”
James 1:2-4
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