INSIDE JOB

In our program, we call the transformation that happens in sobriety an “inside job.”

When I was drinking, especially toward the end, I would have to drink just to be around people as a shield. I did not know how to handle being with you without my liquid courage. Little did I know it was not the answer I needed. It was not about what I could find in this outside world to help me cope.

It was an inside job.

I had to go inside myself and look at behaviors that needed to change to help me cope. But first, I had to surrender to the fact that I could not do this on my own power. What a conflict!

Surrender to gain power—that still baffles me.

Surrendering to God is not giving up. It is partnering with God and allows me to gain the power given to me through that faith, to move forward without the artificial strength of alcohol.

Now, the real work begins.

The inside job requires my looking at the behaviors that I had put in place in the past that are not serving me anymore. How I am reacting to the world and not responding from a place of Grace from within. It requires two major rearrangements; one of my mental state and the other of my spiritual state.

1—Working the 12-steps was my work for my mental state.
2—Surrendering and partnering with God was for my spiritual state.

To finally be of service to others again, I have to show that I have been transformed, mentally and spiritually. Not that I have “just stopped drinking.” As, a fellow sober friend always says, “It’s not the drinking, it’s the thinking.”

Now, I want to be the evidence that this program works. To show others that, by doing the work and relying on their Higher Power for the help they need, they can do this too!

I am continuously working on that never-ending inside job to change my own nature—to be the evidence that lights the way for others.

If I can do it, so can you.

“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”
Romans 12:2

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DENIAL

Denial—not just a river in Egypt.

A friend and fellow alcoholic died of this disease—overdosing on alcohol.

Shortly after she died, I read her obituary in the paper. She might have been one of the most extreme cases of denial I have ever encountered. She never did get this simple program of recovery. My heart broke for her many times.

Once, she arrived at a meeting wearing two different flip-flops—one of her husband’s on one foot and one of hers on the other. I offered to drive her home because she was clearly unable to drive. She refused and survived one more drunk drive across town only to die alone in her bed from an overdose soon after.

Even her obituary screamed of denial as it described her “beautiful” life with a husband she had long since divorced. It told of her standing in the community, how successful she had been and how many people respected her—describing her life of twenty years ago.

No mention of her current husband. No mention of her struggle with alcohol. No mention of the disease that was trying to kill her—and eventually did. Nothing of the last six years of complete isolation, constant drinking with her husband of four years, two rehabs and many hospitalizations, even a year in county jail—coming to meetings only when she was so desperate she didn’t know what else to do, looking for the magic bullet.

Such a sad obituary—and such a description of this disease and the lives of the people we touch in our spiritual malady. We drag them into our denial and hook them into believing our story—our intricate lies woven together.

The lies keep the disease in place.

The truth brings us into the light and frees us.

How do we get to the truth?

1. We begin by weaving the truths together one day at a time to make up the right story. The one God meant for us all along—His plan that was derailed by looking away from Him and putting the focus back on us to write the wrong narrative for our lives.

2. We don’t drink. We show up sober. We tell the truth. We connect with others. We trust God for the outcome. Simple program, but not easy.

3. We give up control of our own plans and turn it over to the One who has all power—GOD.

May you find him now.

“Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” John 8:32

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SIMILARITIES, NOT DIFFERENCES.

I was taught in sobriety to look for the similarities in other alcoholics, not the differences. To identify with them and not compare myself with others.

To identify implies seeing likenesses.
Comparing implies looking for better than or less than.

When we compare ourselves, we separate from others. When we identify, we lift ourselves out of isolation and become “part of.”

The way out of the pit of isolation is to identify, be a part of, and to notice and feel similarities with our fellow alcoholics.

When I see the differences, I become “separate.”
When I see the similarities, I become “part of.”

This empowers us. It helps us step out of judgement into acceptance.

Find somebody, see how they are like you and talk with them. I think you’ll find that feeling of belonging.

Then do it again.

Then again.

You in yet?

“I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you.”

Ephesians 1:18

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INSTRUMENT OF PEACE

I have been in an agitated state these days in response to what is going on around me in the world. What has changed?

Everything and nothing.

No matter what happens, I still don’t have power over what others think, say or do.

I never did and I never will—

And, God does.

The only thing that calms me is maintaining that conscious contact with God—Step Eleven:

“Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.”

What is conscious contact? Being spiritually awake (not checked out) is conscious contact with God.

God alone holds what has happened, what is happening today, and what will happen in the future. The only thing I can do in response to others is be an instrument of peace going forward.

The Eleventh Step Prayer is one of my favorites and one that I am invoking for this time in my life to remain spiritually awake.

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace,
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
where there is sadness, joy;
O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

“Be still and know that I am God.”

Psalm 46:10

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ARE YOU STILL AN ALCOHOLIC?

People ask me, “You have been sober for quite a while now. Are you still an alcoholic?”

“Why do you still go to meetings?”

My answers are: Yes, and to STAY sober and help others to get sober and stay sober.

I am an alcoholic in recovery.

That is not so much who I am, as where I have been.

My past is what makes me who I am today. I don’t have to react to circumstances anymore by using alcohol to help me cope or to check out. That is old behavior. I get to show up for you and me in a whole new way and be of service.

I am an alcoholic in recovery—Now I get to respond to the challenges God has placed before me with new behavior solutions—prayer, telling the truth, huddling up with others like myself who need support, serving, and reaching out a hand where that hand reached out to me in my hour of need.

God relieved my obsession to drink.

I go to meetings to hear God speak to me through people as they share their stories of recovery and to be of service to other alcoholics in the room.

It’s working. I hope you join me.


“My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me.”
John 10:27

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EYES WIDE OPEN

There is a tune I’ve had in my head lately. It’s a song I sang in church as a child. So important right now in the world we live.

“Open my eyes, that I may see
glimpses of truth you have for me;
place in my hands the wonderful key
that shall unlock and set me free.

Silently now, I wait for thee,
ready, my God, your will to see;
open my eyes, illumine me,
Spirit divine!”

I have spoken of this before and I am thinking it’s pertinent now. This whole Pandemic situation has brought our Nation to its knees—literally. Our eyes have been opened wide to see our own vulnerability.

This is how it felt for me in early sobriety. I had been brought to my knees in humility when I finally stopped drinking.

In sobriety, my eyes are wide open to things I was not aware of before. So many questions arise—How will I do this life sober? Who am I in relation to others and to my world now? What does this new walk look like now without alcohol? Will I still be able to laugh and be funny? Can I enjoy parties and people again with new restrictions—without alcohol? How will I cope with feelings and anxieties when they come up?

All good questions for someone newly sober—AND, all good questions for our Pandemic situation now. Re-entering society in a new way. All of us. We can do it.

Here is my prayer and plan:

God, open my eyes to truth of your will—
• Heart opening to change
• Prayerful considering of others
• Lightness of attitude
• Love and tolerance
• Patience with others and myself
• Moving forward in peace
• And, with a little bit of whimsy, of course.

“I ponder every morsel of wisdom from you, I attentively watch how you’ve done it.
I relish everything you’ve told me of life, I won’t forget a word of it. Be generous with me and I’ll live a full life; not for a minute will I take my eyes off your road. Open my eyes so I can see what you show me of your miracles and wonders.”

Psalm 119:16-18 (The Message Translation)

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SPIRITUAL MALADY

Alcoholism—a spiritual malady.

A malady is an illness , sickness, or disordered condition.

In our literature, it says that drinking is a twofold dilemma. “The allergy of the body coupled with the obsession of the mind.” If I take care of one, I still have the other. "Half measures availed us nothing”

Half measures, Half sober. If I am just not drinking and not doing any work beyond that to ensure that my sobriety stays intact, I am just not drinking.

I suffer from a spiritual disease also. I think it is threefold. “For we have been not only mentally and physically ill, we have been spiritually sick. When the spiritual malady is overcome we straighten out mentally and physically.” (Big Book of AA)

This dis-ease I have is within my spirit. I have often called my drinking separation from God. I was out of order with my Higher Power. Once I stopped drinking, I had to daily reconnect with God to reactivate the light of the spirit within me—and, work on my steps for my mind.

What I have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of my spiritual condition.

Day by day.

Someone described that success of any kind is a matter of momentum—you don’t drink for today and find that you can. Then you do it again the next day. The incremental becomes monumental. So then about the momentum. Sometimes it gets me ahead of myself—future tripping. Or gets me stuck, remembering my failures from the past—you can’t do this, you never have before!

That’s where one day at a time becomes crucial. If I am not in today, the rest is just a projection or a memory (future or the past) which does not serve me at all. I will miss today if I do that.

Don’t miss today. You won’t get it back.

I know you can do this.

If I did it, so can you.

"Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.”

Matthew 6:34 (The Message)

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H.A.L.T.

H.A.L.T.

Hungry. Angry. Lonely. Tired.

This acronym hit me hard right now in our current situation.

Mostly, it was the last one—tired. Sometimes I find myself not getting to sleep until around 3:00 am. I wake up at the same time every morning —7:00 am—no matter when I finally drift off to sleep. So, I am not functioning on a full tank and tired all day when that happens.

The other day, I woke feeling like I had a hangover from lack of sleep. Wow. I don’t miss those. How did I function every day on hangovers when I was drinking? I will never know. Glad I don’t have to feel like that every day anymore.

So, when the sober me is feeling like that, it’s more of an emotional hangover. I can’t get my head to think right about anything. It’s like a spiritual fever. When a body fever breaks, you can feel it. You know you’re on the other side of it and you are on the road to recovery.

Same with a spiritual fever. This morning, after eight hours of delicious sleep, I woke and felt like the spiritual fever had broken. I could think again, smile again, be gracious and not bratty, think about something other than myself.

In the acronym, H.A.L.T. —Hungry. Angry. Lonely. Tired—

What do I do about each one when it happens—

The opposite.

HUNGRY— I feed myself.

ANGRY—I pause and pray for peace.

LONELY—I call someone.

TIRED— I take a nap during the day (something I never let myself do!)

I have to be kind to myself too. It helps a lot.

Oh, and...

Look up :)))

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.”
John 14:27

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S.L.I.P.

SLIP?

I hear people say when they drink again, “I had a little SLIP.”

You mean a relapse? A slip implies that drinking again was somehow an accident—that I had nothing to do with it.

No.

Sobriety Losing Its Priority

That’s what a SLIP is right there. Sobriety losing its priority! The relapse begins long before I take that drink again. If I am not vigilant about my sobriety and make that my number one priority, I can start thinking old thoughts, repeating old behaviors, and I am right back where I was while drinking. Alcohol becomes my solution again. Relapse becomes a possibility. I start making excuses for my behavior.

In these times, when I am more isolated than normal, I can see how people can go down this path of repeat behavior because it is easier to check out—especially with all the added stress of the unknown. Too much time to think of the what if’s.

I know I have more recovery work to do because I am still alive. I am never “OVER” my alcoholic thinking disease—

Drinking is not an option for me anymore. Period. Now I ask myself, “What am I doing for my sobriety today?”

Then, I pray and ask God to relieve me of the bondage of self to get out of my own head. Next, I help somebody in need or serve in some way. Sometimes that is just going to a meeting and sitting in the seat to be there for others. Or, now, a zoom meeting—showing up online for others who are struggling.

Retrain your brain.

Be transformed by behaving differently.

Try it. It works.


“Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”
Psalm 139:23-24

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THE NEW NORM-IE—GETTING TOGETHER AND STAYING APART

I have always disliked the term, “New Normal.”

What does that even mean? Not sure I had an old normal. I’m still trying to figure out what “Normal” means—

In our recovery program, we always say, “Normal is a setting on a washing machine.”

This pandemic-mode we’re in reminds me so much of early sobriety, when I was trying to figure out new ways of being that worked without drinking—except now, everyone is doing it with me (without the “trying not to drink” part.)

We are navigating new ways of having meetings, getting together and staying apart, right? Zoom meetings are the new format where we see our fellow recovery friends and support each other. Now, I think I see more people than before in LIVE, in-person meetings, because people who have moved away can join us on Zoom, too. So there’s a positive, right?

Not a fan of the mask.

Not because of the rule itself, but, because I find it hard to breathe with it on. It’s a functional issue. But, if we get creative, we can make it another accent piece of clothing. I also don’t like it because we don’t see the person’s smile. Now, we have to determine the person’s attitude by eyes.

Also, there’s the hiding factor with a mask. I am trying NOT to hide anymore or live in my secrets! Addiction is shrouded in secrecy and lies. I have to shift my attitude to thinking about this mask thing as not hiding, but protection—for you, and for me.

Shifted.

New.

Normal—For now.

There is also a term in our recovery program that we call people who can drink with impunity—Normies.

I guess I might have to steal that term now. I can’t drink at all anymore, let alone with
impunity, but this new way of being is my—

New Norm-ie.

My new self.

We can do this—

Together, and, a little apart.

“Can anyone hide out in a corner where I can’t see him?”
God’s Decree.
“Am I not present everywhere, whether seen or unseen?”
God’s Decree.”

Jeremiah 23:24 (The Message)

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H.O.W.

When the fog lifts and we peek through to what becomes clear, we can get a glimpse of the truth—and not the story we made up about ourselves.

This is the H.O.W.

Honesty.
Openness.
Willingness.

First, is acknowledging that we are not looking at our lives truthfully. Then, we become open to new ways of considering what the truth might actually be for us. Then, we need the willingness to change.

Change our perspective and change our behaviors. Next, is to realize we can’t do it on our own—we need God and other people to walk this new path.

As children, we see what is right before us and respond to that. Then, we start to form opinions about things. We decide things based on our experiences. Some may be true, others not. It’s all perception. The hard part is deciding what is really true.

Sometimes, we can carry into adulthood the things we decided as children that don’t really serve us—I am not good enough, smart enough, talented enough—whatever we decided. The work becomes being able to shed those old beliefs and begin having new thoughts, new behaviors that do serve us.

This is where the 12-steps come in. Reviewing of old thinking and behaviors and deciding what to keep and what to change. The story we made up about ourselves begins to change—the old story is not working for us anymore. If we are able to be Honest, Open, and Willing, we have a chance at recovery.

That’s when transformation happens.

I have watched it happen for myself and for others that I have guided through the steps. As many say in the program, “It’s not the drinking—it’s the thinking.”

Try it. Take the steps.

One at a time.

Watch the fog lift.

“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”

Romans 12:2

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YOU SHOULD.

I don’t know about you, but ALL of my character defects are coming to the forefront right now in this time of isolation. Not just a few, but ALL of them—

Fear, loss, self-pity, judging others (and myself), sadness, and trying to fix—control.

The last one being the most dangerous for me. When I feel helpless, or hopeless, my tendency is to try and DO SOMETHING to fix it—Control things. Get on the hamster wheel in my brain and RUN. Run from the feelings, run from the anxiety, run from the fear and sadness, Run into busy-ness.

I go into thoughts like, “You should do this...” and, “You should do that...”

How about no.

My suggestions to myself are usually wrong. In the program we call it getting a case of the “You shoulds.” The next thing I hear my fellow recovery people say is, “Hey, don’t should on yourself.”

I giggle every time I hear this because I am really good at this, “should-ing” on you and “should-ing” on me—judgement. Who am I to judge either of us? Who does it help?

Alcohol used to be the way I shut off the hamster wheel in my brain. Drinking is not an option for me anymore, so what do I do to replace that behavior?

Sometimes something. Sometimes nothing. Almost always it requires getting out of my head—Most times requiring action— praying for my mind to stop thinking of “what if’s,” walking the dog, talking to a fellow recovery friend, attending an online Zoom meeting, getting into service for somebody else, writing a gratitude list—Just a few suggestions for my running brain.

This hamster photo is me. Getting out of the wheel of what it used to be like and embracing the new. I don’t know what that looks like sometimes, especially in today’s circumstances. But, I do know that I still can choose what next right action to take. My friends are still there. The world is still here. Nature is vibrant and alive blooming in Spring.

I am alive and grateful for whatever is next.

Get off the wheel and join me.

You should :-)


“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”

Philippians 4:8

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COME. SIT. STAY.

In my recovery book, “Hair Of The Dog,” I talk about how Dogs get it.

In this National time out we are having because of the pandemic, things are very complicated—both on the health and the economic end of things— And, yet, very simple. We are reminded of the small things as we are confined to our homes. The things we CAN do, as opposed to the things we CAN’T do—those things that are out of our control.

We can learn a thing or two from our dogs. They live simply, waiting for the next command, looking to us to guide them. They pay attention to their master. So should we.

These simple commands worked in my early sobriety (and even today.) They will work for this shutdown time too—

Drop it.

Leave it.

Come.

Sit.

Stay.

Wait.

Heel (Heal).

It’s a simple program, but it’s not easy. If we can take a lesson from dogs and pay attention to our Master, we will get the treat.

Just don’t quit five minutes before the miracle.

I am praying for our Nation’s leaders, for our healthcare workers, first responders, and for you to stay healthy in mind, body and spirit.

We don’t have to drink over this. We will get through it together.


“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Matthew 11:28-30

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FINDING NEW WAYS

I usually put a scripture at the end of my blog. Today is different. I woke up this morning with this verse in my head.

“And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.” Hebrews 10:24-25

My next thought was— ”How do we NOT give up meeting together when we can’t be together, or even be within six feet of another person?”

We are finding new ways...

All of the AA meetings in my county have been closed for in-person meetings. And probably across the state, country and around the world, for that matter. So, for an alcoholic in recovery, this can be hard. Isolation was a big factor in my drinking days, especially toward the end, when I needed to drink all the time. It was much easier to be alone in isolation with my drinking and get away with it. This shelter-in-place order would have created the perfect scenario for me to hide out. Instead, a fellow sober friend and I started our two AA meetings at my church online—for “such a time as this” (as she always says!)

But now, in sobriety, for the last 5744 days, I get to find new ways of living, one day at a time. I start my day with prayer for the day and how I can help others stay sober and teach them how to reach out and reconnect.

Within one week of the shelter-in-place order, the AA Central Office had meetings online in Zoom video conference meeting format. Wow. This is a great way of finding new ways to meet and encourage one another.

In sobriety, we learn that we cannot do this alone. We need each other and we need God. I realized that we, as a recovery community, have a leg-up on this whole “how do we do life thing” now that things have changed. We have all the tools of our program of the twelve steps, that work in every situation to keep us sober—and just live life, for that matter.

I am not in control—of my circumstances, our world, others around us and at times, my own thoughts. That’s when I get to turn it over to God. Release myself of trying so hard. Be kind to myself. Be kind to others. Be there for those in need—whether its in a Zoom meeting online or phone call to reach out.

Let’s keep finding new ways to help and serve.

Here is a poem someone sent that gave me hope today. I hope it lifts you.

He giveth more grace when the burdens grow greater,
He sendeth more strength when the labors increase,
To added affliction, He addeth His mercy,
To multiplied trials, He multiplies peace.
 
When we have exhausted our store of endurance,
When our strength has failed ere the day is half-done,
When we reach the end of our hoarded resources,
Our Father’s full giving is only begun.
 
His love has no limit, His grace has no measure,
His power no boundary known unto men,
For out of His infinite riches in Jesus,
He giveth and giveth and giveth again.

by Annie Johnson Flint

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CHANGING PERSPECTIVE

Well, this pandemic changed everything.

Not just my physical perspective, as my husband and I are in the at-risk age group and are confined to our home, but my mental perspective, spiritual perspective—life as we knew it—is totally changed. We are affected from every angle.

For those of us in sobriety, we have to adjust our thinking about how we take care of ourselves. We can’t physically go to meetings right now as we shelter-in-place. But we can go to online Zoom meetings. We can reach out to our sponsors and others as we always have, by phone, FaceTime, text and email.

It is still scary to be isolated. Community has been such a huge part of my sobriety. Sharing thoughts, hugs, time with others like myself who need to be heard, understood and encouraged to maintain their sobriety.

Service has always been my go-to for getting out of my own head and out of God’s way. I get to be creative in ways to help others. Go to an online Zoom meeting and speak up there to help another. My husband, a retired dentist, found 500 boxed surgical masks in our attic and dropped them off to the local hospital without getting out of his car. Our perspective has changed, but we can still serve.

Our church changed their perspective and conducted our worship services for the last two weekends via livestream. Such a great comfort to my husband and me. During the service, our pastor played a video clip from the movie, Elizabeth the Golden Age: The New World . I have transcribed the clip below. It gave me the hope I was needing to hear about.

******************************************************************************
Sir Walter Raleigh describes the New World to Elizabeth and her court: “Can you imagine what it is to cross and ocean? For weeks you see nothing but the horizon, perfect and empty. You live in the grip of fear. Fear of sickness, storms, fear of the immensity. So, you must drive that fear down deep into your belly, study your charts, watch your compass, pray for a fair wind and hope—pure, naked, fragile—hope.

But at first, it’s no more than a haze on the horizon. So you watch, and as the smudge grows, a shadow on the far water, for a day, for another day. The stain slowly spreads along the horizon taking form, until on the third day, you let yourself believe—you dare to whisper the word—land—Land. Life. Resurrection. The true adventure, coming out of the vast unknown. Out of the immensity into new life—That, is the new world.”

The Queen says back to Sir Walter Raleigh: “I like your immensities. Your ocean is an image of eternity, I think. Such great spaces make us small. Do we discover the New World, Mr. Raleigh? Or, does the New World discover us?”

Sir Walter Raleigh: “You speak like a true explorer.”
******************************************************************************

Wow.

This is a reminder of how I felt in early sobriety and how HOPE was the only thing I could hang onto at first. One day at a time until I could see that there was a new way of living. A new me, a new life, resurrection from the dead me. Getting sober was the vast unknown, the immensity, a whole new world.

And, as the Queen says back to him—This New World discovers us.

Change your perspective—be an explorer.

You can do this life sober too.

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”
Romans 15:13

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LESS IS MORE

WHAT?

As an alcoholic, I always thought that “More is better.” I have always had the disease of MORE. More of everything—not just alcohol—more food, more wealth, more toilet paper :))))

In these times, we need to conserve resources, be still in our solitude—not isolation, there’s a difference! We reduce our physical time together, but continue to reach out to all who are confined to their homes or who can’t be out right now by phone or email.

As an alcoholic in recovery, my mantra now is: none at all. If I don’t have the first drink, I can’t get drunk. I have practiced that for the last 5,730 days of my sobriety.

In today’s shelter in place mentality, we practice Less is More.

In many ways, what is happening to this country reminds me of early sobriety—suddenly, after I stopped drinking, I had a lot of time on my hands—Now that I wasn’t acquiring the alcohol, hiding it, drinking it, getting rid of the bottles and starting the whole process over again. I had to relearn how to BE ME in sobriety, I had to establish a new routine, find new ways of substituting old behaviors (drinking) as a solution with new behaviors— online meetings, exercise, walk the dog, read, rearrange my thinking completely.

Where did that phrase “Less is More” originate?

From Ludwig Mies—a German-American architect. Along with Frank Lloyd Wright, he is regarded as one of the pioneers of modernist (Bauhaus) architecture. He called his buildings “skin and bones” architecture. He is often associated with his fondness for the aphorisms, “less is more” and “God is in the details”

The details that only God can work out. I am going to give it to God, who designed this complex world to be navigated very simply—one day at a time and one moment at a time.

I heard one woman say this in an online AA Zoom meeting this morning, “We may not know what the future holds, but we do know Who holds the future.” I like that a lot.

I know it’s not me. It’s God. I have to trust that this new way of living is teaching us how to reinvent ourselves and how we can thrive again—just like when I first got sober—

—Turn it over.
—Pray.
—Call my sponsor.
—Reach out to others by text, email phone—Zoom online meetings.
—Notice the beauty that is right in front of me.
—Reconnect with my core family in my own home.
—Be of service to others, in new ways.
—Rest—knowing God has this.


“Be still, and know that I am God”
Psalm 46:10

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CHOICE

Speaking of Corona virus—I had it—5,723 days ago. Corona was my beer. Many of them. Yes, it is a disease. A disease because it was something I could not control. At the end of my drinking, I had no choice.

What?

When drinking, I didn’t have a choice. If the alcohol was in front of me, it was inside of me. No thought process to it. The habit was securely in place. I was not aware that I had a choice in the matter. It was out of my hands at the end. Addiction was mine. It owned me—physically and mentally.

No choice.

When I surrendered, I realized that God had given me a second chance to do it differently. When I turned my life back over to God, I realized at that point, my ability to choose had been restored.

Wow. That is amazing.

I know, it doesn’t make sense, but it is true for me. I got my power of choice back by surrendering my own will. My choices now were limitless with God’s help and without the thought that my only solution to every problem is alcohol. People could not understand why I could not just have one drink, or just choose to stop. The irony was that one beer was too many and twelve was not enough! I was under the influence of the addiction, not having a choice at that point. My body thought I would die without it. My medicine now is meetings, connecting and prayer. Without the help of prayer to help me decide the right choice now, I will certainly resort to having no choice in the matter once again.

Now that I am sober, it has become my mission in life to help as many people recover as I possibly can. And, to raise awareness and understanding of the recovery process for the people supporting the recovering addict/alcoholic.

According to the United States Centers for Disease Control (CDC), more than 88,000 people die from alcohol-related deaths each year in the United States. This doesn’t have to be the case.

We can and do recover.

With God and each other.

“You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love.”

Galatians 5:13

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THE DIFFERENCE IS YOU

Many have heard this story, but it is worth repeating.

It revolves around an old man who goes for a walk on the beach after a big storm has passed. That day, the beach was littered with starfish. From a distance, he spotted a little boy. The boy seemed to be picking something up and throwing it back into the sea. The man could see that he was doing this over and over again. The man asked the boy what he was doing. The boy replied that he was throwing the starfish back into the ocean. He said that if they were left there on the beach, they would die when the sun got high. To this, the old man replied that there were thousands of starfish on the beach! “You won’t make much difference” he told him. The boy picked another starfish and threw it back into the sea. Smiling, he then turned and told the man, “I made a difference to that one!”

That is how I feel about service to my people in recovery. It keeps me sober.

There are so many people in the world who are suffering from alcoholism and addiction. If I think of that, I can get overwhelmed and feel like just giving up—it’s too big of a task. Like seeing all of the starfish laying there on the beach. In my own recovery, which I handle daily with the tools I have been given, I can only affect change in me, and possibly a few around me. If I reach out. Be there.

I can’t change the opioid epidemic, so many suffering from alcoholism, hopeless and homeless addicts on the street—but, what I can do is help the one who is suffering next to me in a meeting. A few days sober, they are in need of a hand to reach out, and ear to hear and and body to walk next to them. I can make a difference for them on that scale.

Before I got sober, I would often lament how I wasn’t really making a difference in my life or the lives of others. Little did I know, the difference I could make would involve me addressing my own alcohol problem—then showing others how I stayed sober today.

That little kid throwing the starfish back into the sea and making a difference for that one—is me. It can be you, too.

First, you need to show up sober.
Get out of your own head and help another.
Then—See the difference you can make.

Service—it changed my life. It can change yours.

“You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh rather, serve one another humbly in love. For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.”

Galatians 5:13-14

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ACCEPTANCE

Just as the waves consistently roll in without my help, life happens without my having a say in it or my influence. I can’t change some things that bother me.

I have always had a problem with the word “acceptance,” and that has to do with my thinking that acceptance is this: me thinking I have to believe what you believe.

No.

Acceptance is when I stop resisting that you may think differently than me. What we resist, persists. In a prayer I know is a line that always gets to me, that defines acceptance:

“Taking this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it.”

When I hear those words, I feel calmed. I don’t have to like it or even participate in whatever it is. I just have to take things as they are. This is how it is right now. I still get to believe what I believe is the truth.

Wow! I like how God set that up. It’s just wrapping my brain around it that becomes the problem!

We have to cease fighting everyone and everything. When we allow this world to be as it is, we can let go of trying to fix that person or thing and focus on our own path of healing.

Right here. Right now. As it is.


“Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O LORD, my rock and my Redeemer.”
Psalm 19:14

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WHEN...

When I do this, I’ll be happy.
When this happens, I will...
When I get to this point, I...

Wow. When we start the sentence with this phrase, it implies we aren’t content with where we are right now. I am guilty of this. Death is a reminder that we need to live each day in the present and as if it’s our last day.

A friend, sober 26-years, died this last weekend. He went quickly. I am sad, but it’s how I want to go too—Quickly. Don’t we all?

Death took me to my bottom of my drinking, but now, in sobriety, death doesn’t have to take me out. I have all of the tools I need to stay sober in my sadness and feel the feelings—go to a meeting and share with others who are feeling those feelings too.

Last Monday, my friend was sitting right behind me in the meeting we attend together. I reached back to hold his hand for a moment in acknowledgment that he was there. It was what we call a chip meeting—where we give each other coins for various lengths of sobriety—He was getting his 26-year coin. I got to hand him his coin and hug him. After you get your coin, you pass it around the room for people to hold and bless. It usually comes back to the person. After the meeting, the last words I heard from him were, “My coin didn’t come back around the circle...oh, well, somebody must have needed it more than I did.”

The next week he was gone.

He didn’t need that coin where he was going. Someone else needed that coin to carry them. That’s how this program works. Last year, when he got his 25-year coin, he gave it to our Pastor. We freely give away what was so freely given to us—GRACE. In sobriety, we are given a chance to show up for others now that we are sober and free.

This man had many physical and medical struggles, but he persevered and showed up to share his experience, strength and hope with our group over the years. I have heard him share in meetings so many times and it gave me hope. One of the things he always said came from the first three steps of the 12 steps, distilled into three short sentences—

“I can’t. He can. I think I’ll let Him.” One. Two. Three.

Today I have hope because of another sober brother.

You can too. If not now, then when?

I choose to live today, content that I have one more sober day to live and serve.

You?

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”
James 1:2-4

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