WHALE OF A STORY

So here’s a great story for you...and it’s true!

Last year right around this time, my sponsor and I decided to go whale watching out of Moss Landing. We got our cameras ready and packed up our gear and headed out. We knew the whales had been running, so we were expecting to get some great photos.

It’s about a half an hour drive down there. We boarded the boat and headed out of the harbor. It was extremely foggy and overcast that morning. The boats talk to each other and tell of where the whales are feeding. All of a sudden, we heard the captain say that he got word that whales were collecting and feeding out in front of the Cement Ship in Seacliff (right in front of my house!) So, we motored for 45 minutes back in that direction on the boat toward my home.

I called my husband from the cell phone and told him to come out on the deck and wave to us! We saw many whales rolling through the water and feeding, but none breaching or lunging out of the water. Not many good photos that day from the boat, but had a wonderful time.

The next afternoon, I walked out on my deck to my surprise, there were whales breaching, lunging and feeding right in front of our house. This shot was taken from my own house with a long lens!

I was expecting to get some spectacular photo shots from the boat and didn’t get one—gifted with the best shot right from my deck the very next day. This is just an example of how miracles are right in front of us every day and we go way out of our way to chase after them when we don't have to.

So—I guess the lessons I learned here are two things:

1) not setting myself up for disappointment through high expectations
2) paying attention to what is right in front of me each moment

This is also a play off of a previous blog about “if you’re not in awe, you’re not paying attention.” We don’t have to go far out of our way to see the wonders placed before us by God.

This story made me giggle—it’s ALL right there in front of us. I was not paying attention at all while drinking. In sobriety, everything is an opportunity for wonder and growth. I love to show up now for God’s plan each day...

Right here in front of me—if I am willing to be surprised and stay in awe and wonder.

“Be still and know that I am God”

Psalm 46:10

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NO SECRETS

How can we educate people about this epidemic of addiction if nobody talks about it? How can we save those who don’t know there is a solution if they don’t have a model to follow?

Those still struggling with their addiction need to see evidence that people do recover.

I want to be that evidence.

Secrets—keep the addiction firmly in place. Telling the truth—brings our addictions into the light and helps us take the power out of it—giving us a chance at recovery.

There are definitely issues with anonymity, yes, I get it. However, I am out there with my sobriety. I am so grateful and hope that by opening my mouth about recovery, I just might help somebody else too.

This excerpt is from the back of my first book, “Free Beer Tomorrow”:

******************************************************
The secret to my sobriety is that my sobriety is not a secret!

Addiction is shrouded in secrecy, lies and darkness. Separation from God.

Sobriety is staying in the light of the truth.

My prayer is that this book provides hope and inspiration for you if you are seeking to break the bonds of addiction and become the person God meant you to be.

If this book can touch one heart, help save one soul, and lead someone back to the path where they will find God—then it has served its purpose.

You are important. Life is now.

Step into the sunlight. Ask God for help this moment.

I did and I am forever grateful for His Grace.
***********************************************

“Humble yourself before the Lord and He will lift you up.”

James 4:10

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VOICES IN MY HEAD

No, I’m not crazy.

But I do hear voices. Little priceless nuggets that help me in my daily journey in sobriety. The voice of truth for me rings loud and lasts. It reverberates in my head just when I need it to. I hear my sponsor say something in a meeting that I needed to hear. And then later, I tell myself (in her voice) the same thing to keep me on the path. I hear her sponsor’s voice ring with love and laughter in my head, too, as she spouted love and truths that still live there in my head long after her death (in her voice.)

That’s why I continue to go to meetings even after 5142 days of sobriety. To hear the truth. People talking about real stuff.

I believe that God talks through others to me personally. I go to meetings to hear God talk to me. Sounds weird — maybe. But, I look for the evidence. It’s right in front of me. Your growth and change is the evidence I see that God is working in our lives.

If you have a problem with the God concept, use the acronym, GOD—Group Of Drunks. That’s us.

You may hear one of us say something you identify with. Then you become part of the group and all of a sudden it’s not about YOU anymore. Just by sitting in the room and speaking, I am being of service to you. And, you are being of service to me, by talking and telling the people in the room what is really going on with you.
 
Your voice is in my head too. I carry what you say with me and use it when I need to hear truth. God’s truth.

Join us in sobriety. It is such a rich journey. We can’t do it alone. As my grand sponsor used to say, “Keep coming back. I need you.”

I love the voices in my head.

Thank you, God.

“My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me.”

 John 10:27

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IF YOU'RE NOT IN AWE...

While stuck in traffic the other day, I saw this bumper sticker:

“If you’re not in awe, you’re not paying attention.”

Wow. So true.

I was not in awe very much while drinking. It was all about me. Every once in a while, I would stop and get inspired by another sunset that God had crafted, but then it was time for another drink to help make the buzz last longer.

After I got sober, I became fully aware—which was terrifying at first. How was I going to live this life without alcohol? I didn't know how. When I put a number of days together without drinking, I realized I could do it with God's help. He gave me gifts of daily living that put me in awe again. That became my buzz—my high.

Then, becoming fully aware was awesome—EVERYTHING was awesome. I realized that God had restored me to all the details of life that were blurred in my stupor...

Seashells in the sand. Dirt. The sunlight hitting a single leaf. My dog’s eyelashes. The cool breeze hitting my face as I walk. Hummingbirds right in front of me. Waking up sober next to my husband. Finding a number every morning on my counter to put in my pocket for my days of sobriety. Singing. Watercolor painting. Breath in my lungs. The sound of crashing waves while looking at another spectacular sunset.

I am paying attention again.

I am in awe—constantly.

Thank you, God, for another day of sobriety.

“For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse.”

Romans 1:20

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SPIRIT VS EGO

The definition of Spirit: the nonphysical part of a person that is the seat of emotions and character; the soul.

The definition of Ego: the part of the mind that mediates between the conscious and the unconscious and is responsible for reality testing and a sense of personal identity.

While passion fueled by Spirit can save our life, passion directed by ego can ruin it. I have heard it said that the acronym, EGO is “Edging God Out”

So true.

God and I cannot both be in control, or there wouldn’t be a relationship. My ego must be deflated and pushed aside to commune with my God. He is in control.

Have you ever clung to something so passionately and simply could not let go? Like you were letting go of something that was part of you. Perhaps the struggle felt like life and death.

That is how the grip of alcohol felt on me.

I was strong-arming God to say, “I can beat this” (EGO)—when in fact, at the end of my drinking, I could not stop without God's help.

All quality things come to me at the right time by the hand of a gracious God.

Reversing this process and edging ever-so-much-closer to God each day, keeps me right-sized and humble—

And sober.

“God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in the Spirit and in truth.”

John 4:24

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DIVISION VS UNITY

Division releases chaos.

Unity releases power.

It is so easy to get caught up in the discord that is happening in our nation today.

Who is right and who is wrong?

That is not the question.

In this world there will always be differing opinions. It's when we band together to take sides and separate ourselves that all the chaos takes place. Anger boils. Then violence.

I am naturally a very emotional person and sometimes take on others’ upset. It is hard for me to watch news and not get deeply involved, have a strong opinion and go directly into judgement. This never solves anything.

Early in my recovery from alcohol, I was taught to look for the similarities in other people, not the differences. To identify with them and not compare myself with others. To identify implies seeing likenesses. Comparing implies looking for better than or less than—judgement.

When I see the differences, I become “separate.”
When I see the similarities, I become “part of.”

The way out of the pit of isolation is to identify, be a part of, and to notice and feel similarities with others.

This empowers us. It helps us step out of judgement into acceptance. Taking this world as it IS, not as I would have it.

Find somebody, find the similarities and talk with them. In all aspects of your life. I think you’ll find that feeling of belonging. Then do it again. This kind of re-training our brains to come back together and find common ground is stepping toward unity again.

Practice it again — then, again. It's powerful.

You in yet?

“Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.”

Colossians 3:13-14

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WILLINGNESS TO CHANGE

The baby finches in this video just hatched a few days ago. Their temporary home is on our deck on top of a light fixture. Up high and under the awning — safe from predators. They’re in a vulnerable state from the beginning as eggs. Then when hatch, they have to trust the momma bird to keep them warm, feed them and protect them.

They are so open, trusting, willing to learn, and grow.

It reminds me that as human babies, we rely on our family — open, trusting and willing to grow. Then as we grow up, we get confident and try our wings. We have our own motor skills, our own thoughts, our own actions and decisions.

Free to choose.

And, with our own free will, we can get lost in life and not even know it.  

In my drinking, I had lost my way. I was so selfish and thought only of what I wanted or what I was thinking or feeling. I had grown into someone that didn’t have to listen to you. I could go on my own power and self-motivation — leaving God out of the equation. I didn’t have to trust. I didn’t have to be open to anything I didn’t want to do—or what you wanted me to do. Stubborn, willful, full of self. Wasn’t my own will enough? It seemed to be working fine.

Until it wasn't.

•  I was drinking and having fun with no consequences.
•  Then I was drinking with problems.
•  After that, I was just drinking with problems and consequences.
•  Finally, I was just drinking.

How did I get here?

When I got sober, it was like becoming a child again—like the baby birds. Learning to trust others — again.

Trust myself — again.

Trust God — again.

Be open to new ways of thinking — again.

Letting go of what was not working for me and being willing to change — for the first time.

The willingness to change has afforded me this new sober life and it feels good. It feels right. Yesterday I celebrated 5113 days of sobriety—in a row! Fourteen years. 

How did I get here?

One day at a time.

If I can do it, so can you.  

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.”

Proverbs 3:5-6

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TAKING MYSELF DOWN A NOTCH

In my drinking days, alcohol was my way of taking myself down a notch. That was the easy way out of not feeling the feelings of sadness, anger, depression, fear, isolation—all of those emotions that I want to run away from normally, especially in the grieving process. I don’t have that option anymore. Period.

Life gets easier to live now that I have accumulated many days of sobriety. And yet, the tough things are still there to get through.

Death.

Yes, death took me to my bottom of drinking in 2004. It was easier to check out and not sort through all of those feelings. I have experienced a lot of death in the last three years. Mom, my niece, and most-recently, my sister. Now what to do with all of that emotion without the option of alcohol?

In the process of grief, I have learned several mechanisms I have put in place to protect myself:

1.) Busy. Make myself busy. Crazy busy. The busier the better. No thinking. No feeling. Busy.

Ok, that’s not it. That just postpones the inevitable feelings waiting to surface when I slow down.

2.) Take myself down a notch emotionally and spiritually. Don’t feel. Make myself numb. Not available to myself or to you. Not serving either one of us.

That doesn’t work either. My protect mechanisms weren’t protecting. They were depleting me, exhausting me and making me feel empty. My only option left is to surrender.

God.

Whew. I need to reconnect, refill, and restore—

God, I offer myself to Thee - To build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt.
Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will.
Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness
to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life.
May I do Thy will always! Amen.

Ok, God. I am back.

“Be still, and know that I am God”
Psalm 46:10

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WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

What do you mean, “Draw within the lines?”

“What about all of these other surfaces that need decorating?”

I was about six years old when I was happily coloring at the kitchen table and then looked up. I suddenly had an idea that little colored crayon circles would look nice just above the drawers and below the countertop on the kitchen cabinets. Wow. It did. It looked beautiful.

I continued around the entire kitchen with my glorious idea. It was almost complete, when mom walked in and saw me drawing with crayon on the kitchen cabinets— “oh, she’s gonna like this...”

A whack on my bottom stung so painfully, I stopped in my tracks with such surprise. I guess she was not pleased. How was I to know that crayon art was limited to the coloring books or paper on the kitchen table. And, even if I did know that, who made that up? If it was fun drawing on paper and in the coloring books, drawing on the cabinets would me MORE fun, right?

I learned boundaries from my mom and dad. What was acceptable and what was not. As an adult, I grew into loving painting on watercolor paper and canvas. The boundaries were not so clear in my “drinking thinking” later in life. I didn’t have any whack on the bottom to warn me getting drunk was out of bounds. No pain or consequences to suffer (except a hangover) to help me realize that it was not good behavior. I didn’t know when to stop. And, frankly, why should I? Aren’t we still having fun? If one was fun, wouldn’t twelve more drinks be quite delightful? Isn’t more of everything always better?

No.

My dilemma as a child and the drawing experience, was learning the boundaries of my mother’s rules. The boundaries of drinking for me were nonexistent. One was never enough. So when I got sober, I had to change my thinking about drinking. I have a sober friend who always says, “It’s not the drinking, it’s the thinking.” If I didn’t take that first drink, I wouldn’t get drunk.

Huh? It’s not the first drink that gets me drunk, it’s the third, fourth, fifth and so on. I had to learn that if the first drink didn’t happen, the likelihood of more would not happen either.

Hmmm. I had to replace that first thought of a drink with something else. How about a conversation with another human or with God? Yep. That helped. Again and then, again.

Then, I had to figure out what to do when those feelings of having the first drink appeared again. What was I thinking or doing when I wanted that drink? I was usually bored, mad, anxious, resentful, and wanting to take myself down a notch. What else would work?

Prayer. Walking the dogs and prayer. Walking the dogs, prayer and a meeting. Walking the dogs, prayer, a meeting, talk to my sponsor, and oh yeah—working the steps.

Yes, this worked.

It has worked for me for 5100 days in a row.

Try it.

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”
2 Corinthians 12:9

SPONSORSHIP—THE LIGHT IS ON

My main goal on New Years Eve ever since I got sober was to stay off the roads after 5 pm. One of the women I sponsor was chairing a meeting at 5:30 pm. I couldn’t miss it.

I had watched her go in and out of sobriety (mostly out), in and out of rehab, hospitals, CPS almost taking her kids, crashing her car — all of it. But after all of this I KNEW she wanted it now. I knew she finally wanted to stay sober.

Regarding sponsorship, my sponsor always said to me, “They have to want their sobriety MORE than you want it for them.”

I had to watch her hit her very bottom and also had to let her go and let it happen. This was part of my journey and the lesson for me to learn. She had 52 days of sobriety when one of my friends asked her to chair the New Year’s Eve meeting. I had to be there to hear her.

She looked beautiful. She was finally living in a sober living house, going to meetings every day, helping others, and most importantly, letting others help her. Her light was on.

As I sat there in the very small meeting watching her proudly tell her story, an overwhelming thought came to me that brought me to tears:

“She finally wants her sobriety MORE than I want it for her!”

That thought was such a gift for me to receive on New Year’s Eve.

Sponsorship can be such a blessing and a learning experience.

So grateful I get to show up for both.

"In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven."

Matthew 5:16

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MY HEART SEES

Sometimes when I am feeling insecure and feel like I am doing this life on my own power, I stop and think, “Where did we ever get the idea that there is a God? We have never really seen him. Did we make Him up so we could ‘feel better’ about our human frailties?”

No.

That is when I am full of doubt and out of faith. The only road back is through my heart. My mind deceives me by thinking small.

In the 1600’s, French Mathematician, Blaise Pascal, wrote many great statements on God. I love that a mathematician concerned with ones and zeros and facts, thought deeply about God. Two of my favorite quotes from him are below.

“There is a God-shaped vacuum in the heart of each man which cannot be satisfied by any created thing, but only by God the Creator.” – Blaise Pascal

“We know the truth, not only by the reason, but also by the heart.
God is, or God is not. Reason cannot decide between the two alternatives.” – Blaise Pascal

When I let go of reason, and into the feelings of my heart and my reactions to nature with all of its awesome beauty, I can’t help but know that,

“My heart can see God better than my eyes can.”

That’s when I am sure beyond any doubt, that God is there and always will be, if I seek him. He’s just waiting for us to ask Him to show us the way.

God could, and would, if he were sought.

Trust. Have faith. Seek.

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.”
Matthew 7:7-8

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HUMILITY

At the end of my drinking I suffered humiliation. I had embarrassment for things I had done and who I had become. I was hopeless.

I found out that humility is not the same as humiliation.

Humility: Low estimate of one’s importance.

Humiliation: Feeling shame or injury to one’s dignity or self-respect.

Big difference.

I can have humility and not suffer humiliation.

Being humiliated, I am stuck in victim mode, jealousy, resentment and fear. You don’t even exist for me in that state. It’s all about me.

My ego becomes right-sized by being humble. I can look at others with respect and rejoice in their victories because mine are not threatened. I set aside my own ego and self-thought to make other’s needs important to me.

Today, humility is something I long for and intentionally practice.

It serves me well when I am serving.

“For those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.”
Matthew 23:12

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FREE BEER TOMORROW—STILL

Our wonderful friends Dan and Megan are so generous to let us use their cabin in Twain Harte several times a year. We are so grateful to them for sharing with us their little slice of “Heaven on Earth.”

A few weeks ago, my husband and I visited The Rock, a bar and burger place where we love to eat in Twain Harte, The home of the sign that was the inspiration for the name of my first book,
“FREE BEER TOMORROW.”

We sat there waiting for our dinner at 4:30 pm and looked over at the bar. All seats were filled and people already drinking. I was glad that I was not drinking at 4:30, which I had done in my drinking days, and, in fact, starting before that hour on many days! Actually, they were claiming their seats for the Warrior playoff game that would be on TV there at 6 pm. Good excuse to start drinking early, right?

We were there for the same reason. Except for the drinking part. Having an early dinner so we could get back to the cabin for the start of the game at 6 pm. No DVR, so we needed to get back and watch it live.

As we sat there, I thought about the fact that I had lived so many wonderful sober days since seeing that sign—5072 days to be exact. One day at a time. My husband, who has made me a little paper number I carry each day in my pocket for all of those days, commented on the sign,  

“Well, it looks like the beer continues to be free. But not until tomorrow—still.”

In a little over a month, I will have 14 years of sobriety.

But I am counting the days and not the years—still.

Because my sobriety is a choice I make each day.

Every day. Today.

If I can do this, so can you.

“Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.”
Psalm 90:12

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A SOBERING FAREWELL

As the finch eggs hatch in the nest on our deck, I am reminded of the cycle of life. All feathers and flopping and chirping—while my own dear sister is passing from this life to the next as I write this.

Very sobering.

In my sober life now, death will not cause me to stumble and drink. I want to feel the sadness of your loss and not check out.

Remember you. Honor you. Fully aware.

A letter to you, Holly.

Dear Sister of Mine,

I don’t remember you not being there in my life.

I am so sad at your leaving so young and so abruptly, but I rejoice in our both knowing where you are going. We spoke many times about the joy and hope we felt knowing we would see Jesus one day. You are probably with him now. It helps me to know that as I write this to you in your transitioning.

You were my “fren”— a term we used with only each other. Being only 14 months apart, we played well together as kids. Well—you told me what to do and I obeyed—being the younger one and always looking up to your leading! We used to say, “Wanna play ‘fren’?” —that was the name of the game—which meant we would set up homes in our rooms and start playing house as friends. I would come visit you at your house and you would come to mine. We both had babies. You cradled yours like the doll’s life depended on it, and I dragged mine around by the hair without a care. We played that game for hours. I am there now with you with tears in my eyes and the fondest remembrance.

Later in life, you became the mother I always wanted to be, but never got to be. You were a great mother and allowed me to, what you called, “kid share” your children, my niece and two nephews. It taught me mothering skills I got to use later when I met Dick and got to become a Gramma to Alex and Christine’s boys—my three cherished grandsons. You taught me how. I knew not to drag them around by the hair.

You and I shared the love of our furry dog-children like nobody else we knew. A fierce love because of their unconditional and devoted love for us that knew no boundaries. We went through losses of our various dogs together, and there were many. Your comforting words were like no other person’s.

In the last few years, you have known more loss than most. Losing our own mother, your only daughter and two of your doggies within one year. We took each other through that, you and I.

I am forever grateful for your love and what we shared in this life—joy and sorrow—together.

Fly away, dear “fren.”

I know I will see you again one day.

Love, Heidi

“Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die.”
John 11:25

ACCEPTANCE

Just as the waves consistently roll in without my help, life happens without my having a say it. I can’t change some things that bother me. Things keep happening without my influence. That's where the serenity prayer helps.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.

The wisdom to know the difference. That is huge.

I have also had a problem with the word “acceptance” and that has to do with my thinking that acceptance is this: me thinking I have to accept what you believe.

No.

Acceptance is when I stop resisting that you may think differently than me.
There is a line in a prayer I know that always gets to me, that defines acceptance:

“Taking this world as it is, not as I would have it.”

When I hear those words, I feel calmed. I don’t have to like it or even participate in whatever it is. I just have to take things as they are and I still get to believe what I believe is the truth.

Wow!

I like how God set that up. It’s just wrapping my brain around it that becomes the problem!

What we resist, persists.

Until we cease fighting everyone and everything, what we resist continues to persist. When we allow this world to be as it is, we can let go of trying to fix that person or thing and focus on our own path of healing.

“Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O LORD, my rock and my Redeemer.”
Psalm 19:14

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TRUDGING

I always thought the word “trudging” was a sullen and depressing word.

A Dirge. Plodding hopelessly. A depressing journey. Like it was when I was drinking and couldn’t stop. Until I heard a sober girlfriend give it new meaning for me.

In our literature there is a phrase “We shall be with you in the Fellowship of the Spirit, and you will surely meet some of us as you trudge the Road of Happy Destiny.”

Trudge and Happy don’t seem to belong in the same sentence, right? My friend who gave it new
meaning described trudging as a steady cadence. That is what sobriety is. Each day. The steady cadence of not drinking, showing up for life, putting one foot in front of the other and moving forward on—wait for it...

The Road of Happy Destiny.

My sponsor points out that it is not the road TO happy destiny, but OF happy destiny.

It is the journey.

Now. Today. Together.

The photo featured today was sent to me by another friend in sobriety. This guy has been trudging this journey for over 2 years now. It is a well-worn path that we are trudging together. Happily, he presented this photo to me for proof that he carries his sobriety in his pocket and wears it each day.

The photo represents the steady cadence of a sober life, well-lived.

“I was worn out. I lay exhausted for several days. Then I got up and went about the king’s business.”

Daniel 8:27

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EPIPHANY

I had a dilemma.

I could not stop drinking.

I had to figure out how I was going to live this life without alcohol. I was having a power outage, not knowing that I had made alcohol my higher power—my solution. When alcohol discontinued its usefulness, I had to replace that solution. It obviously wasn’t working for me anymore.

"God, please help me.” Those words saved my life.

There is no power like that of surrender. Surrender was my epiphany (God made manifest.)

Surrender is not giving up, but putting the focus and trust on something greater than us. When we do that, we actually have access to the greatest source of power in the universe.

God did for me what I could not do for myself.

I realized in my epiphany of surrender, God turned my dilemma into an opportunity—a good chance for advancement or progress!

God had relieved me of the bondage of myself and the obsession to drink. I didn’t have to drink anymore.

If I can do it, so can you. Ask for help—from others and from God.

Try it. It works.

“Since what may be known about God is plain to them, because God has made it plain to them.”

Romans 1:19

_______________________
DICTIONARY DEFINITIONS:

Dilemma: a difficult or persistent problem involving a difficult choice

Solution: an action or process of solving a problem or a bringing or coming to an end or into a state of discontinuity

Surrender: to give (oneself) over to something (such as an influence)
    [original Etymology of Surrender is “to give back”]

Epiphany:  an appearance or manifestation especially of a divine being (God made manifest) or an intuitive grasp of reality through something (such as an event) usually simple and striking

Manifest: easily understood or recognized by the mind : obvious

Opportunity: a good chance for advancement or progress
_______________________

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SWEET SMELL OF COMFORT

When we picked up our Golden Retriever/Dalmatian mix puppy, Diamond, at 12-weeks-old, I kissed her on the side of her cheek and caught a sweet smell of plumeria flower! I was surprised and thought she may have just eaten something in the garden. I later learned that it was a smell that would stay with her for life. As if God had put that sweet finishing touch on her as a "party bonus" just for me.

The strong smell of plumeria blossom is still there almost sixteen years later, just above her top lip in the corner of her cheek. Having owned quite a few dogs over the years, I have never had this experience with another dog. But it’s not just the aroma that I love; it’s everything that I associate with it: contentment, memories, love, trust and safety.

It is so calming and reminds me of being a little girl and hugging my mom and drinking in the smell of her cologne and feeling safe. Diamond comes to me when she is frightened by the loud wind or pounding rain on the skylights. I love to hold her and tell her it’ll be ok, all the while she’s comforting me with her fragrance, as I stroke her.

This is the same feeling I get when hugging a struggling alcoholic when they first come into a meeting. The richness and rush of being of service while comforting them, at the same time being comforted myself by them safely arriving in recovery.

The “Who’s helping who?” of how it works, right?

And, that sweet smell of comfort.

“Therefore comfort each other and edify one another, just as you also are doing.”
1 Thessalonians 5:11

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CONFESS, COMMUNICATE, COMPLY

There’s only one person flying the plane—or so it seems.

By all accounts, piloting a plane seems like a solo activity, only one person at the controls. Same can be said for our individual lives. We have to live our lives under our own control, independent of choices and actions by other people around us.

But behind the scenes, it takes support entities in many jobs keeping that plane in the air; mechanics keeping the aircraft in working condition, technicians fueling the plane, air traffic controllers, the control tower itself at airports on each end of trip, weather or flight conditions, etc.

The acknowledgement of all of these factors can be the difference between life and
death at a certain point.

My husband used to own a small aircraft and learned a very important code for when
you think you are lost in your plane, called, 3 Cs: Lost Aircraft Procedures:
Confess, Communicate, Comply.
    
Confess: Admit that you are lost and need some form of assistance    
Communicate: Request assistance on the area working frequency
Comply: Follow advice of air traffic controller

Sound familiar? I was amazed at how similar these three distress action steps aligned with the first three of our 12-step program:

Step One: Admit we are powerless and our lives had become unmanageable.
Step Two: Came to believe a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
Step Three: Made a decision to turn our will and lives over to the care of God, as we understood Him.

As we are lost or spiraling down as alcoholics, we have to admit there is a problem and that we need assistance, then believe that someone CAN assist us, then make that affirmative action step to reach out and let the assistance come—turning it over and taking direction.

When we rely on our own power as addicts, we don’t realize all of the community and
resources that are there to assist—that were there all along! We just hadn’t acknowledged them. Recovery is a process that cannot be done alone.

We need others to assist us, community to help maintain us, and God to fuel us throughout our flight, allowing us to soar to new heights!

James 5:16
“Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.”

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JUDGMENT

I am amazed at how many judgments I can have about others in a very short period of time. I notice that I judge more when I am upset with myself. Turning my anger inward at myself and then outward toward others for blame.

Sometimes I am just annoyed at a person sharing the same thing over and over—no tolerance—shouldn’t they be well by now? Ha!—when I am really making that judgment of myself!

The Bible tells us not to judge—not because we should not judge, but because we cannot judge—we don’t know all the facts. There is only one who has that knowledge.

God.

When I judge somebody, I focus on a single moment from one particular angle. At a different moment, I may see a totally different side of that person. God sees the whole picture. I don’t.

We are also taught to not quit before the miracle. This includes while watching others grow, too. I don’t want to quit forgiving and cutting them slack before I get to witness the miracle happen in their lives!

Things exist. Situations happen. It is my perception that is askew. Adding my judgment separates me. As I see my part in anything, it becomes clearer what I need to do or how I need to change my thinking. I notice when I am peaceful and centered spiritually, I don’t judge or if I do, I can correct myself quickly and give them over to God and pray for them.

I need to take this world as it is, not as I would have it. Seeing it as it is unites me with life.

When I behold life through the eyes of love, I will find the beauty of God everywhere. I choose to see the world and life through God’s vision today. I want to ask God for more room to grant others the grace that I received.

Today I focus on loving and let all else go.

“Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.”

Luke 6:37

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