HIDING IN PLAIN SIGHT

I was wrecked but nobody knew. Shipwrecked. Finished. I knew, and yet I continued drinking a while longer. I was hiding in plain sight for as long as I could. Thinking I had control. Thinking I was fooling you into believing I had control. I wasn’t fooling anybody but myself. Making sure I made you think my inside matched my outside. They didn’t match. I was drinking right in front of you.

Hiding my gin in a water bottle, going undetected and unsuspected.

Not.

The evidence was my behavior. Still going on my own power, yet running on nothing but fumes. Flammable fumes.

A friend asked me recently, “What does your boat look like now?”

“Huh?”

“Are you taking care of your boat? Cleaning off the barnacles? Making sure no water is in the bottom? Do you always have a plan and a map, or are you sailing where the wind takes you instead of letting God’s breath fill your sails?”

All questions I had not asked. Wow. I realized when I finally surrendered to God, that I was letting God’s breath fill my sails. I could sail in freedom knowing that wherever I was, that is where God wanted me. The hard part was keeping my eyes open to see what God had placed before me. Now that I am sober, I can do that. I can notice everything.

I can see you. You can see me. My eyes are wide open and I like the visual before me.

I don’t have to hide right in front of you anymore. I am in the light.

Come into the light with me.

“For there is nothing hidden that will not be disclosed, and nothing concealed that will not be known or brought out into the open.”

Luke 8:17

Click on my books below to buy.

HOPE—PAYING IT FORWARD

HOPE: A feeling of expectation or desire for something to happen; grounds for believing that something good may happen.

My Higher Power is the God of the universe—a tremendous source of strength that is always with me unless I allow resentment to separate me from the sunlight of the spirit. My God does not cause tragedy nor does He find you parking places. The Spirit of the universe is much bigger than that. The meaning in life comes from our reaching out to each other and the sharing of love and hope.

I watch hopeless alcoholics trying to get sober every day, grab a hold of hope, of which I may possibly give them a glimpse, and begin a renewal of the spirit within themselves. This is God or Higher Power or Spirit—whatever you want to call it. 

It is not self. Not you. Not me. We cannot access this universal power through our own self will. Surrendering self, we find all the power we need. MORE than enough. Overwhelming power that we never dreamed of, that carries us through situations that used to baffle us. Through showing up, serving, and reaching out to another alcoholic, I just might help relight the candle of hope, helping them to access the power that was available to them all along.

Sometimes we don’t get to thank or repay the people that help us when we first get sober. The thing we get to do is reach out and be available to another alcoholic who needs us, like someone did for us. In this way, we pay it forward.

If you hold your sponsor’s hand on one side of you, and hold the hand of someone you sponsor on the other side, you don’t have a hand left to pick up a drink!

“Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.”

James 4:10

Click on my books below to buy.

OXYGEN MASK

If the plane is going down, they say to put your oxygen mask on first then you’ll be able to help others. It’s not selfish it’s life or death.

If I don’t have my sobriety, I don’t have anything else in my life.

I consider that putting my oxygen mask on first.

Sometimes, in early sobriety, I felt selfish caring for myself—doing the things that now supported my new sober life, going to meetings, talking to people, working the steps with my sponsor, prayer, being in sober community, service to others, taking care of ME—after all, wasn’t I being selfish in my addiction in the first place?

So where is the balance?

Yes, I was only selfishly thinking of what I needed when drinking. After I got sober and started taking care of myself, then and only then, could I be of service to others. Get out of my own head to help somebody else. There is a space somewhere between being totally selfish and self-care.

That grey area is where I find growth and serenity.

I start my day with the Third Step prayer, which goes like this:

“God, I offer myself to Thee. To build with me and do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I might better do Thy Will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help, of Thy power, Thy love, and Thy way of life. May I do Thy will always. Amen.”

So—Get me out of the way. Help me with the faults that stand in my way, so that others can see Your love and work in me. And, Your Will, not mine, be done.

I am so grateful to have these tools.

I also have to be careful of service—too much service at the expense of myself—that becomes co-dependency, which I am really good at—the at the expense of myself part. Between these two, service and co-dependency, there is a grey area too. If I remain in that middle ground grey area, I find serenity.

Being ever-vigilant and aware of what is right in front of me, I can be in God’s Will just by showing up. Taking this world as it is, not as I would have it! He is responsible for directing my path, if I remain “hands-free” of the control. God is responsible for the outcome.

The pressure is off, whew! Simple, but not easy.

Step by step.

Lesson by lesson.

Day by day.

Prayer by Prayer.

Depending on God.

All the way.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths.”

Proverbs 3:5-6

Click on my books below to buy.



BECOMING UNSTUCK.

I walk by this rusty VW every day on my dog walk. It has been planted there ever since I got sober. 15 years—5,534 days in a row—one day at a time.

A picture of who I was at the end of my drinking.

I was: Abandoned. Stuck. Immobile. Rusty. Static. Rooted in the spot. Frozen.

I knew I had to stop and change my behaviors, but how? It all seemed so overwhelming. All I could see was the rust, so it felt like my only option was to keep drinking and block it out. When I finally realized that I was going to die if I kept on this path, I surrendered to God.

Thy Will, not mine, be done.

If I could have stopped on my own power, I would have, right?

So, now what?—one step at a time, I put down the drink, showed up that day and began to change, not only my thinking, but my behaviors. Replacing the old ways with healthy behaviors. Like, walking the dog when I don’t particularly feel like it. It is good for him and prayer time for me. I started going to meetings—community, not isolation.

This didn’t happen over night. I just kept showing up each day for God’s plan, not my own. When we put a few days together sober, we realize by the evidence, that we CAN do this life sober. Pretty soon, when the sober days start gathering behind me, I can look back and see the progress. The journey. I am in motion and unstuck.

When I first got sober, I didn’t like the “one day at a time” saying. Wasn’t that obvious that we have to live our lives one day at a time?—apparently not. I was future-tripping in my mind, dwelling on what I thought it should be or what I want it to be, not what was. Causing me to go into overwhelm. That’s how my brain works. If I stay in today, I can appreciate this moment, then the next. Then the next. As my world shrinks back down to what is right in front of me instead of zooming out to the big picture (which tends to overwhelm)—I can see what the next right thing might be.

This is going to sound like a weird example, but it’s true for me—

I don’t like shopping. So, instead of waiting until the list gets too long, I go each day for what I need. I also don’t like doing laundry, but if I do just one load a day, I will not have too many piles of laundry to face causing me to not do any of it. Little by little it gets done. Make sense?

It’s like there is a big fishing rod in my mind. I can let the line out and, whew, soon its way out there thinking beyond today. I have to continually reel in the line when I feel myself going to the future that is not mine yet. Whoa, girl. Slow down. Reel it in. What is your next right thing to do today?

Prayer helps me every day:

• I pray for God to “Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I might better do Thy Will...” In other words, get me out of my own way.

• I pray to stay in gratitude for what I have right now and what I can affect today.

• I pray for others, which keeps me out of my own selfish thinking.

• I pray for wisdom to know when I can help and when I need to leave it to God.

I am not this picture of the rusty Volkswagen anymore.

I am now: Rescued. Unstuck. Moved. Clean. Dynamic. Uprooted. Melted by the love of God.

You can be too. One day at a time.

“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.” Isaiah 43:18-19

“Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.” Psalm 51:10

Click on my books below to buy.



CLEAR AWAY THE WRECKAGE

This photo was taken on a street corner in Zambia, Africa. Our bus was speeding by as I saw all of these mops, brooms and websters. I immediately thought of this phrase: Clear away the wreckage.

When I got sober, I thought it was just about stopping the drinking. It was so much more. I thought that I wasn’t hurting anybody, so what did I have to work on or clean up?

A lot.

The drinking is but a symptom of a much greater problem—me.

No more alcohol. Withdrawal. Fog lifting. Thinking clearly now. Noticing more around me. Engaging with life again. Reaching out. Community. Connecting to God and to others—oh yeah, now I’m back. I get to start looking deeper into the ME that I had avoided. And that was just the first 30 days of sobriety.

Then the real recovery process started. The journey. I started working the 12 steps with my sponsor and never looked back. The peeling back of layers in my brain and heart that I hadn’t dealt with as an adult. All good. Growing. Healing. Kinda painful at times. Therapeutic. Cathartic.

When I was ONE year sober, my sponsor gave me a special coin commemorating my first year of sobriety. And then she read this to me on page 164 of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous:

“Abandon yourself to God as you understand God. Admit your faults to Him and to your fellows. Clear away the wreckage of your past. Give freely of what you find and join us. We shall be with you in the Fellowship of the Spirit, and you will surely meet some of us as you trudge the Road of Happy Destiny. May God bless you and keep you—until then.”

I wept.

I still shed a tear 5527 days later when this passage is read—every time.

That reading is the essence of my sobriety.

I pray it for you.

“...And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.”

1 Corinthians 10: 13-14

Click on my books below to buy.

I WANNA FIX IT

Before you call Mama Assa’s number on this little poster above, just know that I saw this sign hanging on a telephone pole in Zambia, Africa.

I know you were tempted. I mean, come on, she promises to solve problems with same day results.—who wouldn’t want to call her?

When I first got sober, I was amazed at how the tools to live sober and stay sober worked! Working the 12 steps was hard work, but worth it. I learned new behaviors to replace my old solution (drinking) to every problem. It wasn’t a same-day fix. I had to keep showing up one day at a time.

I also learned over time, when I was finally present in my mind and thinking rational thoughts, that there was a lot of stuff I wanted to fix—in me, AND in you!!

The steps were my solution for me. Prayer became my solution for dealing with you. I began praying for me to know how to deal with the people in my life over whom I had no control. The problem with praying was that I wanted same day results to the problems, like Mama Assa promises in the poster—ha ha. When I prayed for patience, I got more challenging situations for which to have patience. Be careful what you pray for.

I heard in a meeting “Don’t pray for things to be all right, pray for you to be all right with things.” Well, that shifted by prayers. That sounds like acceptance to me. Well, I found out that prayer may or may not have same-day-results, according to God’s perfect Will. I am not guaranteed anything.

In Step 11, “Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.”

I learned to pray that His Will, not mine be done.

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Corinthians 12:9

This verse in 2 Corinthians is one of my favorites. I didn’t understand it at first. But, now, I understand that the key to this verse is TRUST. How is God’s power made perfect in my weakness?

I have to admit that I need help first. I need God to help me and I cannot do this alone.

That is when HIS power is manifested within us. God designed it such that we needed to depend on Him to live this life how we were meant to live.

Otherwise, my life is just a free-form mess of my own decision-making—and will be totally without purpose. In my humble opinion.

I won’t be calling Mama Assa soon. I hope you won’t either. The answers to our problems won’t be found here on this earth. Until we surrender our will and lives to God, we will just be floundering.

Pray.

Trust.

Wait.

It’s worth it.

What have you got to lose?

Click on my books below to buy.

CHANGE FOR A DOLLAR

In our recovery meetings, we pass the basket around about halfway through the meeting for donations. Most people put in a dollar. Our 7th Tradition states that we are “Fully self-supporting through our own contributions.”

I once heard someone say that meetings are the only place you can get “change for a dollar”

I giggled after learning that phrase.

And, I don’t mean coin change, I mean change of the transformational kind—inside and out. I have been in recovery for a number of days now—5513 to be exact— and have witnessed true transformation happen. Sometimes the people themselves don’t even recognize the shift until somebody else points it out to them. They will come in silent, broken, messed up (inside and out) and if they just stay in their chair, don’t drink, and keep coming back, they will eventually start changing.

It’s a new kind of high for me now, to go to meetings and witness someone early in recovery that is starting to change as a result of getting sober and working the program. I love to see the light go on in their eyes, see them take better care of themselves, speak out in meetings and generally look more engaged in life.

I am not talking about chump change here—I am talking about the extravagant change that happens in us when we surrender to God. Rich. Deep. Love-of-God-at-work change.

I am not saying it’s easy. If it was, I would have done it sooner in life. We can’t wait for change to happen. We need to first admit there is a problem with our addiction. Then, turn it over to God. And, then, WE still have to do the footwork.

Show up.

Work the steps with a sponsor.

Service to others.

It works. Try it. You will notice the change in you over time. That’s why I am still counting my days.

One day at a time.

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.”

Proverbs 3:5-6

Click on my books below to buy.

COME. SIT. STAY.

And stay, she did.

Seventeen years.

We had to say goodbye to our sweet 17-year-old Diamond dog on this past Sunday. I am incredibly sad, but I know I don’t have to drink over this loss. I have to sit with the pain of her leaving—and feel it. We were blessed with so many days with her. Most of you know that I count my days of sobriety and she has been here for all of them—5,501 days.

A friend wrote this to me, “A piece of our hearts get damaged with our losses, but that just means we lived and loved fiercely and vulnerably. Accepting the transition because we felt love is difficult—but how blessed we were to have had it.”

Wow. So true. Fiercely and vulnerably. Something I avoided in my drinking days because it was so much easier to NOT feel and to check out over such sadness.

Drinking is just not an option for me anymore. Period.

I know what to do. Reach out for support. Keep loving. Don’t shut down. Go to meetings. Pray for strength.

My nephew pointed out to me that God gave us animals to teach us about the perfect love of God. On display for us in dogs is the purest form of love, with none of the other human stuff attached like, jealousy, fear, anger, resentment, holding grudges...

Death took me to the bottom of my drinking many days ago. I don’t have to check out over death anymore. I have experienced many human deaths and three dog losses in sobriety. I am here to tell you that I can do this life—and live through loss—sober. I know you can do the same.

Here’s what I have learned about sobriety from my dogs:

Drop it.

Leave it.

Come.

Sit.

Stay.

Heel (Heal).

It’s a simple program, but it’s not easy. If we can take a lesson from dogs and pay attention to our Master, we will get the treat.

Don’t quit five minutes before the miracle.

“He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”

Revelation 21:4

Click on my books below to buy.



RESTORATION—RICH BEYOND BELIEF

When my niece, Amanda and nephew, Brian were six-years-old, we were all walking through Harrah’s Casino in Tahoe. An army of confident gamblers high on a win and on our way to dinner. My brother had just won a $350 jackpot. The two little ones marching along in front of us turned to each other after learning this fact and shouted, “We are RICH BEYOND BELIEF!”

Needless to say, everybody rolled with laughter and it has become a saying in our family from that point forward, referring not to “money rich”—but richly blessed with the love we share as a family.

That rich feeling, is what I felt when I started to come alive after giving up alcohol and starting to live the life that God intended for me. Joining my new family of sober alcoholic friends. In my drinking days, especially toward the end, I felt like I was getting old and not making a difference in life. Approaching my fiftieth birthday with nothing to show for it but lots of lost days mindlessly drinking and not caring—self-absorbed.

With each passing day of sobriety, I feel richer and richer, like my love and energy is brimming over and I am needing to share it. When I got sober, my purpose was redefined and I decided to make it my mission to help as many alcoholics and addicts know that they didn’t have to live like that in the cycle of destruction—and, that they didn’t have to do this life of recovery on their own. I would be there.

In Step Two of the Twelve Steps, it says this: “Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity”

My first thought after reading this the first time was that I was offended— “I am not sure I was insane to begin with.” But after deeper study and learning, I realized that I wasn’t insane, but my behavior was insane. Doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results. I had to change my behavior. Be willing to believe that God could restore me in a new way—new sane behaviors that supported my newly sober state.

I realized that having new tools for sobriety, I could now make a difference, just by showing up for others—

Sober.

Being ready to serve.

Making a difference in your life (and mine.)

Living a life that is—Rich Beyond Belief—One day at a time.

You can do it too. God is in the restoration business. Turn it over to God and trust Him with the results.

Just try it. And then, look for the evidence that it works.

“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”

Matthew 6:19-27

Click on my books below to buy.



BE ONE.

Be a miracle.

Just by showing up sober. It’s a choice.

I made that choice and never looked back. I am forever grateful for God relieving me of the obsession to drink. If I could have stopped on my own, I would have. It was not until I surrendered to God and let Him do the work in me, that my need to drink was lifted. Gone. Wow.

So grateful.

Quickest way out of my own head is to help somebody else—the high I sought in alcohol—but so much more satisfying! Thinking about someone else…what a concept!

Now I can be the example of the miracle that can happen when we choose to show up and be sober. You can too. And, you can make a difference for others just by showing up sober.

Trust me. I chose this path a number of days ago (5492 days to be exact) and haven’t had the need to pick up a drink since. By the Grace of God.

I heard this song the other day by Natalie Grant, called “Be One.” I hope the words of this song lift you today.

Be One, by Natalie Grant

We don't feel ready
We don't feel steady
Question what we really have to give
Stay where it's safer
Claim faith, but waiver
Is this how we really meant to live?

We pray but never move
We say but never do

It's time to get our hands dirty
Be love there's a whole lot of hurting
Calling all hearts
Calling all hands
Calling all feet to take a stand
Why sit around and wait for a miracle to come?
When we can be one

A little somethin'
Might feel like nothin'
But in His hands it's all we'll ever need
To speak life to the broken
Watch the blind eyes open
It's who He's calling you and me to be

It's time to get our hands dirty
Be love there's a whole lot of hurting
Calling all hearts
Calling all hands
Calling all feet to take a stand
Why sit around and wait for a miracle to come?
When we can be one

We can be the change, be the hope
We can be the arms that don't let go
We can be a light in the dark
We are, we are where it starts

It's time to get our hands dirty
Be love there's a whole lot of hurting
Calling all hearts
Calling all hands
Calling all feet to take a stand
Why sit around and wait for a miracle to come?
When we can be one

“In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.”

Matthew 5:16

Click on my books below to buy.



HARDWARE AND SOFTWARE

Just like a computer, I need my hardware and software for my brain to work and stay sober.

Pictured above is my hardware. Stuff I can hang onto and hold. Physical evidence confirming what I know today–I am sober. Whew. I need that reminder—one day at a time.

YOU are my software—intangibles that I carry in my heart daily. Your faces from my meetings. Things you say to give me hope. Grateful thoughts about the blessings of being sober. Prayers—of thankfulness. Prayers for those still hurting in this disease of addiction.

This computer that is my brain needs both for my brain to work in sobriety.

I still have some malware in there that trips me up, but I have my geek-self to employ all of the tools for cleanup and for a reboot on my brain–freeing up space for me to live in the present without hindrance—and to be of maximum service to my fellows.

The tools for cleanup are The 12 Steps. The Steps help me regularly do clean up on my hard drive—my brain.

I have a friend in sobriety that says, “It’s not the drinking, it’s the thinking.” Boy, is that true. I stop drinking and my brain is still thinking away just like before—those same things that caused me to quiet those thoughts with alcohol. The Steps help me with dealing with all of that stinking thinking. If I don’t do the work, I am what we call a “dry drunk” and I am not in recovery.

Recovery.

Doing the work. Tech support for my brain.

There will always be glitches along the way, but, now I have tools. I encourage you to work your Steps.

I will be there too. Join me in a meeting. We can’t do this alone. We need each other.

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”

James 1:2-4

Click on my books below to buy.



SUIT UP. SHOW UP.

Suit up and show up. Literally.

This is a saying in our program. Today, I am literally, suiting up and showing up (and dressing up!) to celebrate my nephew’s wedding—sober.

This is the day (July 12th) I got sober 15 years ago. I am thrilled to be present to witness it all.

5,478 days today.

Hallelujah and thank you, God.

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Click on my books below to buy.



CELEBRATION—IT'S ON!!

Yes, in my drinking days—any excuse to party—it’s was on!

Fourth of July, weddings, any party was an excuse to just drink. I was in the thick of it, feeling as if I could get away with excessive drinking because everybody was drinking, right?? Free to be as crazy as I wanted.

In sobriety, I am free of that obsession, free of the addiction cycle, and free to enjoy the simple joys of life. Like just showing up sober, remembering what happened that day.

I pray for all of those people who are still drinking to excess, using and hurting others in the process. I pray for all children caught in the crossfire of addiction. I pray for all of those affected by family members still active in their addiction—for them to know that there is hope.

Freedom can be ours in sobriety only if we choose it and are ready. It is so possible.

We are blessed in this country with so many freedoms. I am grateful this 4th of July to be free of the obsession to drink, to be able to show up for life and celebrate totally sober. I can’t and don’t do it alone. It’s with the help of others like myself that have kept me sober for the last 5,470 days.

Next Friday, with the help of others and God’s grace, I will be celebrating 15 years of sobriety! My nephew is getting married that day at a winery. Weddings were another trigger for me to just go nuts and drink myself silly.

Not this wedding. I am thrilled to be celebrating sober, taking photos and remembering every minute.

If I can do it, so can you. Try it. I’ll be there to help.

“You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love. ”

Galatians 5:13

Click on my books below to buy.



DOGS GET IT.

We are babysitting our grandsons’ dog, Woody, this week. On my walk this morning with the three of them, I was thinking how simple and joyful their lives are. Even my almost 17-year-old. They love going for a walk, however short or long. Happy to be with me and with each other. Playing, eating, riding in the car, sleeping peacefully. They never complain. What a life.

I’m thinking we can have that too. In sobriety, I get to enjoy the simple things again. When I was drinking, it seemed I was so willing to complicate everything by adding alcohol to the mix. Helping nothing.

So, I am quite sure that in my sobriety if I put down the drink—and do the simple commands that dogs know and understand, meet and play with others, pray and be with God and wait on the healing of this process—I think my life will be sweet.

Drop it.

Leave it.

Come.

Sit.

Stay.

Wait.

Heel (Heal).

It’s a simple program, but it’s not easy.

If we can take a lesson from dogs and pay attention to our Master, we will get the treat.

Don’t quit five minutes before the miracle.

“As they were walking along the road, a man said to him, “I will follow you wherever you go.” Luke 9:57

Click on my books below to buy.



SAY WHAT YOU MEAN

Recently, I had to deliver a communication that I did not want to deliver. I usually avoid confrontation at all cost. In the “fight or flight” category, I am definitely flight.

In my drinking days, I wouldn’t even attempt this. I would just check out and drink because it was too hard. Easier to avoid. Then, it would just stay in my brain whirling around and around on the hamster wheel never coming to an end and continuing to build into a storm. An explosion would eventually happen and then I would have to apologize and clean that up. What a disaster of a way to deal with it. But, that was how I handled any confrontation—only dealing with it when it came to the unmanageable explosion part.

How about some preventive maintenance? Then, I don’t have to clean it up later. What a concept. That’s what I try and do now.

Sober living requires it.

There is a saying that goes like this: Say what you mean. Mean what you say. And, don’t say it mean.

I am trying to practice this more and more.

This saying takes all of the angst out of a particular communication and keeps it a clean delivery. I am not saying it’s easy—in fact, it takes strength and self-discipline. I never want to confront anybody. Yuck. Don’t want to deal with the backlash or possible anger, disappointment, or hurt the other might feel as a result of my communication. And, worst of all—they may not like me anymore—ha! there it is.

So, what I am really doing when I hold onto the communication and let it fester inside of me, is—I am drinking the poison and expecting them to die. Ridiculous.

If I press through my feelings and get to the clear and clean communication, deliver it in love—it usually turns out so much better. Whew. It doesn’t have to be the big deal that my brain wants it to be!

Say what you mean. Mean what you say. And, don’t say it mean.

Try it. It is working for me.

“For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline. ”

2 Timothy 1:7

Click on my books below to buy.



DOS EQUIS—IV

I was in a chip meeting where a man was getting his twenty-four-year chip. He had been a beer drinker like I was. My drug of choice was Corona. His was Dos Equis XX.

The chip person was looking for the chip with the Roman numeral for TWENTY FOUR and asked, “what am I looking for?”

And the guy getting the chip said, “You’re looking for a Dos Equis IV— two XXs and an IV—or at least that was what I was looking for when drinking!”

The room busted out in laughter. It was funny, yet not. A IV of beer. He had accumulated Twenty Four years, one day at a time and had overcome his need for a Dos Equis IV!

I don’t need the IV of beer anymore. Now, my drug of choice is you. Being in a meeting with you and hearing what God has to tell me. When you open your mouth and share, I get to hear from God. A direct IV to God. So, please don’t stop coming to meetings and talking because I need you.

It is the high I seek now in sobriety.

There’s a reason we say at the end of meeting, “Keep coming back, it works.” It may not be working for you yet, but it’s working for the other person to hear you or see you in your seat. It’s one way of being of service, just to show up and take our seat. The other person may be looking for your face just for reassurance that day. I know I did. You have to stay in your seat long enough for it to work.

Hope to see you there. I need you.

“And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, 25 not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another.”

Hebrews 10:24-25

Click on my books below to buy.



CIRCUMSTANCES

I have heard so many times in meetings that people say they “slip” over circumstances happening in their lives—whether it be a death, or a broken shoelace.

It’s relapse. A slip is because drinking was an option that was still on the table.

I believe that a SLIP is and acronym for: Sobriety Losing Its Priority.

A slip is something that you do on a banana peel, like in the cartoons. An accident. A mistake.

Relapse is a choice. We may not believe it at the time, but, so many things lead up to that decision. We have stopped taking all of the precautions that keep us from finally making that decision to drink. When drinking or using is an option, it will always become a real choice at some point. We will use that excuse, whatever it is, to drink or use.

When I got sober, I realized that I had to take drinking off the table as a solution. It was not an option for me anymore. Some people call that a “reservation.”— “I don’t know what I will do if THIS particular thing happens.”

Just saying that leaves the door open.

My sponsor sat me down in early sobriety and said, “I want to talk to you about relapse.” I was confident at that point that I was finished drinking—we all are confident at that point, right? She told me that relapse wasn’t just about the moment we take that drink—it is about all of the choices we make leading up to that moment. That is what she wanted to teach me. How to protect myself. How to put the processes in place to protect against that final decision.

Circumstances happen. Good or bad. They will always happen, whether we are sober or not. It is how we respond to the circumstances that affect our sobriety. Learning those tools were so important for me.

Sobriety is a process and program of action. My tools are: Meetings, fellowship with others like me, working my steps with my sponsor, serving others, and lots of prayer.

I don’t want to relapse, so that is my plan.

What’s yours?

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

John 16:33

Click on my books below to buy.



YOU CAN'T HEAL WHAT YOU DON'T REVEAL

And, sometimes it gets revealed for us. God reveals things right in front of me that, quite possibly, I don’t want to see. Yep. Turns the light on.

If we are not willing to see what is right before us, well, that’s called denial. Of which, I was quite guilty while drinking.

In Step Four of the 12 Steps, we become willing to look inside and we make a searching and moral inventory. We have to turn the light on. We have to reveal things that haven’t come out before so the healing can begin. This is hard for so many people, as there is pain involved.

How can we recover when we are holding onto so much pain that keeps us stuck? I really believe that we can make ourselves physically and spiritually sick—holding onto pain we carry from being hurt in the past, holding onto resentments, festering fears—all of these keep us stuck in a prison of our own making.

It was much easier to drink and shut it out for me in the past. Once I was taught how to reveal that hurt to someone else, by speaking it out, I realized the power had been sucked right out of it the moment I said it out loud!

Wow. Just like that, when I revealed it, the healing began. It felt like a plug had been pulled, so I could let the pain drain out. I am sure you’ve heard it said that holding onto a resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Yeah, well, it sounds ridiculous, but it is so true. Laughably true.

The good things that came out of step 4 for me were:

1) Being able to own my part in any given situation.

2) After owning it, being able to stay on my side of the street and let go of what wasn’t mine to own.

3) Letting go of blame.

4) Trusting God for my unreal fears. Hardly ever did my fears manifest to actual truth.

5) Being able to speak my truth out loud and watch the power I had given that one thing disappear and heal the pain caused by my hanging onto it.

Try turning the light on. It helps and it works.

Or, see the light being turned on for you, by God, and pay attention.

I did and it changed my life.

It can happen for you too, if we show up for the work.

“These things God has revealed to us through the Spirit. For the Spirit searches everything, even the depths of God.”

1 Corinthians 2:10

Click on my books below to buy.



EVERYBODY KNOWS AN ALCOHOLIC OR AN ADDICT, RIGHT?

So true.

If you have not identified yourself as an alcoholic, you probably know somebody who you think is an alcoholic. Or, who needs recovery from some addiction. Yes?

Most can identify with this. I surely can—I am an alcoholic in recovery. I still say that I am an alcoholic because I need to remind myself daily of that fact. I have learned that to have a chance at staying sober, I need to say this truth out loud to me and to others. I also have learned that I cannot keep what I am not willing to give away.

Whew. That means I need to keep showing up for others, which is what I intend to do for the rest of my life.

When I wrote my books on recovery, it started out by me wanting to share what I had learned in sobriety with others in the hopes that they could get sober and remain sober too.

Now I know that God has written these books through me for a broader audience—for those surrounding the alcoholic and addict who don’t know how to help—or what to do for their alcoholic they know and love. When we know more about what we are dealing with, our understanding will hopefully be expanded and we can be of better support to the one struggling.

I have learned so much about dealing with the addicts or alcoholics in my life. I would like to share some suggestions you may want to consider:

1) Never try and reason with or talk to someone who is actively drinking or using. Gently extract and say you will be there for them to talk when they are sober.

2) Know that this addiction/recovery is a process— when we are at the bottom of our disease, we are in survival mode and the simpler the message, the better. This is where a gentle spirit coming along side them (YOU) can make all the difference for them to get to a place where they can surrender to God and get the help they need. The less we pressure, the better. Friends have told me that they have put my simple-read-books on their coffee table as a gentle nudge (for them to pick up on their own.)

3) Recovery is about relationships—restoration of relationship with family and others and with God. If I could have gotten sober on my own power I would have done so long before I was 50 years old! The difference for me was God.

4) Listen and then point them to God. Pray with them. If they resist this, pray for them on your own.

5) Point them to AA meetings, NA meetings, or Al-Anon meetings.

6) The key to maintaining sobriety is a daily treatment of surrender, prayer, meetings and service. They have to want their sobriety more than you want it for them.

7) Know that there is always a way out and help for them. Never give up on them.

and last, but not least...

8) Know that there is always hope.

Don’t quit five minutes before the miracle.

“Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.”

James 5:16

Click on my books below to buy.



OUT OF MY MIND

No—I am not out of my mind.

But, I do want to get out of my mind.

I heard someone say in a meeting, “My mind is like a dangerous neighborhood. I don’t want to go there alone.” That’s why we have meetings.

Stopping drinking and drugging is one thing, but how do we stop our addictive thinking that leads us down the path back to using? The quickest way out of my own mind is to be of service to someone else! Service gets me out of my mind of selfish thinking and into what I can do to help the next person in need.

Also, I go to a meeting and tell on myself. When I say the truth out loud, however crazy it sounds, it takes the power out of it. It always seems so much bigger in my head than it does out here in the world. Others get to identify and I feel like I am not alone in this thinking when I speak it out—especially when I see a lot of heads nodding in agreement in the room.

The Big Book defines alcoholism as: “An allergy of the body coupled with an obsession of the mind.” this makes so much sense to me and answers the question for me of physical disease, as it affects the body—When we drink or use, our body gets use to it and becomes addicted to needing more and more to maintain a level of comfort or just to stay even. Being a hereditary disease, as members of our family are alcoholics, we are predisposed to becoming one ourselves. That is not to say we do become addicts/alcoholics, but the predisposition is there. These are not proven facts, which makes addiction a hard disease to treat medically.

The Psychological part of the disease is the obsession of the mind. The dictionary definition of obsession is: “a persistent disturbing preoccupation with an often unreasonable idea or feeling” (the obsession to drink or use)

The way I treat my disease every day:

• Prayer and connecting with God

• Attending meetings

• Talking to my sponsor and others in the program

• Sponsor women by working the steps with them

• Being of service to others.

And, last thought—Be kind to yourself. You are a work in progress!

“Do not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another.”

Hebrews 10:25

Click on my books below to buy.