HOW COULD I NOT GO?

In my 9th year of sobriety, I heard from a friend who had been on mission trips to Zambia many times. She had talked to a pastor there who had alcoholics coming into his church and wanted to know what he should do. My friend called me, knowing I was in recovery.

I went online to find a meeting. Realizing that the nearest one was over 50 miles away and very few people there have cars, I decided to prepare materials for them on how to start a meeting. I went to my recovery group meetings at my church and got funding to buy books to send. I packed up the books, included notes on how to run a meeting, and merrily sent off the package to Zambia, Africa. The package got stuck in customs and never arrived. Four months went by. I was very disappointed.

Months later, out of the clear blue, I heard this distinct message from God, “I didn’t want you to send books. I wanted to send YOU.”

I did NOT want to go to Africa, but I knew in that moment I would go.

Not only was I in Zambia talking to women about alcoholism on the day I got sober exactly ten years prior, I was speaking on the hour I got sober. God was very specific about where I should be on that day. Not in a million years did I think that I would be talking to people in Africa ten years later about staying sober—I was just trying to stop drinking for that day in 2004!

While there in Zambia, I got to visit that pastor and to sit across from him in his dirt-floor church talking about his meeting for alcoholics. I realized that God had taken me halfway around the world to encourage this one man—and that was enough.

My purpose now is to carry this message to other people who struggle with addiction as I have struggled in the past. And, to know there is a solution and there is hope.

My hope is that my books encourage you and lift you on your recovery journey.

“Then I heard the voice of the Lord, saying, ‘Whom shall I send, and who will go for Us?’ Then I said, ‘Here am I. Send me!’ ” Isaiah 6:8

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POWER OUTAGE

I always thought that when I stopped drinking all of the fun would stop.

Until the fun stopped while I was drinking. Forget fun! That wasn’t even on my radar. I had to figure out how I was going to live this life without alcohol.

Yikes. Scary. No clue.

I was having a power outage, not knowing that I had made alcohol my power. When it discontinued its usefulness, I had to replace that source. That answer. That solution. It obviously wasn’t working for me anymore.

When you’re having a power outage and the lights go out, what do you do? Call for someone to fix it. Go to the source. It’s the same with my body, mind and spirit. I have to go to the source to fix it.

“God, I’m having a power outage. Please help me.”

Those words saved my life.

I promise the fun in your life will return. Really. I can have fun without alcohol and thrive with others like myself. It is not a prison sentence like I looked at it before: “I am the only one here at this party NOT drinking. Poor me.”

Not.

There are others like me (and you) in the room. We just don’t know it yet. Somehow we find each other and give each other that support and the hug we need—.

“He must become greater; I must become less.”

John 3:30

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MISSING PIECE

A dear friend of mine gave me this card. The inside was blank. Well, here is what I would put on the inside if I were to send this card to you...

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Yes, this photo is a graphic of the Missing Piece. And, when it comes to my life, God completes the puzzle that is me. God is the missing piece—AND the missing peace.

I have heard it said that “EGO is Edging God Out”

So true. When I edge God out, or take that piece out of the equation, I cripple myself—by thinking I am in control. God and I cannot both be in control at the same time, or there wouldn’t be a relationship. My ego must be deflated and pushed aside to commune with God.

He talks, I listen—I talk, He listens.

He is in control—I have surrendered.

Have you ever clung to something so passionately that you simply could not let go? Perhaps the struggle feels like life and death. That’s how the grip of alcohol felt on me. Maybe it’s another addiction that you are clinging to.

I was strong-arming God to say, I can beat this (EGO)—when in fact, at the end, I could not stop without His help.

Try putting that last puzzle piece into your heart.

Humble yourself and let go of the control. Let go of the alcohol, drugs or other addiction and let God nestle right in there and complete the picture for your life. I don’t think you’ll regret it.

What have you got to lose?

“For those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.”

Matthew 23:12

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STINKIN' THINKIN'

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Recently, somebody asked me if I still consider myself an alcoholic and asked why I still go to meetings. Well, that’s easy. It’s the thinking, not the drinking that still causes me angst. I still have alcoholic thinking even though I am not drinking anymore—and have not been drinking for a long time—5359 days, to be exact.

The stopping drinking part was actually the easy part. Well, after I surrendered and gave that part of the obsession to God (He did the heavy-lifting on that end.) The hard part for me is that I still have crazy thoughts that may lead to crazy behaviors, if left untreated.

Untreated?

Yes, that’s where the meeting part comes in. Going to a meeting is my treatment to keep me in sobriety. I can sit with others and hear them express some of the same thoughts that have been rolling around in my head. It makes me feel like I am not crazy and I am not the only one with those dangerous thoughts.

Like, maybe after all this time, I am not really an alcoholic and I can just have one beer.

What?

Who am I kidding? I have never had one beer in my entire life! That’s where the replacement phrases come into my head because I have retrained my brain, like— “You can’t get drunk if you don’t take the first drink”

I believe there is a force out there that wants to not only trip us up, but make us fall flat on our faces in utter defeat. I heard this story about a Cherokee brave and it reminds me of how I handle my sobriety:

__________________________________________

 One evening, an elderly Cherokee brave told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people. “

My dear one, the battle between two ‘wolves’ is inside us all. One is evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority and ego.

The other is good. It is: joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.”

The grandson thought about it for a moment and then asked his grandfather: “Which wolf wins?”

The old Cherokee replied, “The one you feed.”

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We need to monitor our thoughts each day. All of the thoughts that make up our thinking that cause our behaviors.

Here’s how I feed the Good Wolf:

• Decide to do something for my sobriety each day

• Stay in gratitude

• Think about how I can serve or reaching out to someone who needs help

• Call a friend in sobriety

• Go to a meeting

• Pray each day—throughout the day

“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”

Philippians 4:8

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NINE WORDS TO FREEDOM

I can’t. God can. I think I’ll let Him.

I think I did the first three steps on my couch when I woke up from a stupor on my last day of drinking and said those nine words.

I haven’t had a drink since that day—5,352 days ago.

Those words really are the key to freedom. I tried for many years to stop drinking on my own. I prayed and prayed for God to help me not drink—when I was really asking for Him to help me manage my drinking.

I didn’t want to stop. I didn’t think I COULD stop.

But, of course, I was envisioning that I had something to do with it. “It” being, the miracle that would happen when I truly gave it to God and said, “I can’t do this. Please take it.”

And, He did.

What do you have to lose by trying it? Truly let go and be all in. Trust that God has a way out for you. You are asking for a miracle, I know. That’s what I thought too. Well, according to the dictionary definition of the word, “miracle,”—that is what we are asking for.

Miracle: a surprising and welcome event that is not explicable by natural or scientific laws and is therefore considered to be the work of a divine agency.

If I could have stopped drinking on my own years before my 50th birthday, I would have. I needed a miracle and got one.

Because I asked.

You can do this too. Ask for the miracle of your sobriety today. Truly mean it. Do your part and God will handle the strength part!

Then, wait and see. One day at a time.

If I can do it, so can you.

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.”

Matthew 7:7

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ALL OF ME

I think God is calling me to slow down and do SOME of the things with all of me and not ALL of the things with some of me.

I have always had a problem putting too much on my schedule and getting it all done, but being frazzled and not doing any one thing very well. I didn’t want to be left out or miss anything—so I over-committed, giving just some of myself to too many things.

Always worried about “everything I had to do.”

Then, I am jerked back to this moment by somebody in need. God has a way of saying, “Whoa, whoa, whoa girl, look at what is happening right here in front of you, right now!”

Take the bread crumbs left on the ground and follow them. We don’t get to know where the bread crumbs always lead, but when we trust that this is where we are supposed to be and God has a plan for that moment and the moments to follow, peace always comes.

Ahhhhhhhhh... Thank you, God, for slowing me down to see what you have planned for me, right here.

Right now.

God has my attention now. All of the time.

I’m all in.

7th Step Prayer

My Creator, I am now willing that you should have all of me, good and bad.  I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows. Grant me the strength, as I go out from here, to do your bidding.  Amen.

“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”

Romans 12:2

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WANTING IT

When I look at this sunset I think, “What a tremendous gift. Who would NOT WANT to receive such an awesome present?” I want to see this beauty, receive it and hold onto it. Yet some people totally miss it. I don’t need to watch a sunset, but I sure do want to! I also want to share it with everybody else and give it away—much like my recovery.

Recovery is for people who want it.

Not for people who need it.

While sponsoring other women, my sponsor always tells me, “Heidi, they have to want their sobriety more than you want it for them.” When I finally saw the light for myself, I wanted that for everyone else.

The relief that said—I don’t have to carry this by myself anymore.

I can’t force them to get there. I remember being so disappointed when someone I was sponsoring relapsed yet again. I took it personally, like there was something I could have done or said to make that not happen. My sponsor said to me, “Heidi, you are not that powerfu!”

Oh, yeah. I am not God.

Here is what I can do:

I can pray for them.

Stand ready to help when they are ready to receive the gift.

Listen when they reach out.

“Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted.”

Galatians 6:2

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Whack-A-Mole

Remember the arcade game, Whack-A-Mole?

When we babysit my grandsons’ dog, the three dogs are inseparable. I took this photo as I drove up to the house one day. So cute and reminds me of the Whack-A-Mole game, because they are rarely up there at the same time. One will pop up, then the next and then another, always making me smile. Okay, Enough about cute dogs—the point is Whack-A-Mole.

The object of the Whack-A-Mole game is this: There are many moles that keep popping up in a bunch of holes. You have a rubber mallet to beat them back down into the hole. The Whack-A-Mole game is an illustration of how I deal with my challenges and problems. They keep popping up and I keep whacking them down—trying ever-so-fruitlessly to keep them at bay. It just reminds me that I think I have the mallet and the solution in my life, but it is just an illusion. The challenges and problems will always come back if I keep trying to solve them in my own will. In my drinking days, alcohol was the solution if I was baffled and couldn’t figure it out.

In using alcohol, it was like I became one of the moles that I whacked, temporarily beating down the problem with the mallet (alcohol.) But, when I sobered up, there were the problems all lined up again all ready for the mallet to pound them down and keep them at bay. Alcohol is not my solution anymore. And, my thoughts controlling the situation can’t be the solution either.

As you know, this kind of negative thinking begets itself continuing the negative cycle, which keeps us in circular tormented thinking. My only hope is to surrender and put down the mallet. Hand the mallet over to God and ask for help with the solutions to any given situation.

My husband recently came up with a term called the Grace Cycle to help combat the vicious Negative Cycle thinking—and it starts with gratitude, that grows and begets itself. It flips my thinking and outlook on life like this: Saying thankful prayers for all I have, writing a gratitude list each day, and performing random acts of kindness or service that lift me and others at the same time.

It truly works.

I recently heard a woman say in a meeting: “My sponsor told me that I shouldn’t pray for things to be alright. But, rather, pray for me to be alright with things.” That’s a whole different mindset of acceptance— the way things are, not as I would have them be.

What a relief.

You might want to try it too.

“Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Matthew 11:29-30

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SECRET WEAPON

Shhhh!

Don’t tell anybody, but I have a secret weapon—it works on anything for me. I can use it when... I feel fear, when I feel threatened, when people are coming against me, when the world seems crazy and confused, when I feel I don’t belong, when I feel dismissed, when I feel disappointed in people—all of it.

The trouble is I forget.

When I was drinking, I thought it was all up to me, so I would drink and it would calm me down and I would not have to be tormented by dealing with it or playing it in my head over and over again. Drinking was my temporary solution and all it did was confuse me more and give me a hangover.

Now that I am sober, I need to use other alternatives to help me cope. I forget I have access to the greatest power in the universe at any moment in time.

Prayer—That’s my secret weapon.

And, it can be yours too. The coolest part about it is, if I remember to pray and ask for strength, I can even do it in the moment of my greatest fear—in silence—when something is actually happening, right then.

Powerful tool.

The other cool thing about it is that it works. It instantly calms me down with the connection to God, Helps me to clear my head of the noise of the world around me at that moment. Helps me to focus on asking for peace and help for the other person in distress as I pray for them silently, helps me focus on the fact that I cannot affect what’s going on alone—I need God’s help. Prayer helps me focus on the bigger picture and not the small problem right in front of me. It helps me center and focus on God’s will for me and the power to carry that out.

I like knowing I have this secret weapon. It is like a shield and wall of protection from all the chaos that can and will come at me during the day. When peace comes, I am so much more ready to serve you and get out of myself and out of God’s way.

Another cool thing is that YOU can have this weapon too.

Try it. Pray silently and ask God to be there with you and help when you feel fear. See what happens. Then look for the evidence of God’s hand in the outcome.

“Pray continually.” 1 Thessalonians 5:17

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THEY'RE JUST WORDS...

Seriously?

Words can cripple or words can heal.

You’re a drunk. You’re crazy. You’re fat. You’re too skinny. You’re messed up. You’re an idiot. What do you know? Who wants to hear from you? You’re too young. Too old. What you think doesn’t matter.

Those kinds of words could send me into isolation and drinking. Not only said by others to me, but said to me in my own voice! Negative self-talk. When I was buzzed, the voice would stop and I would not care.

I have carried this kind of thinking around for far too long.

Word-wounds.

When I got sober and started to share my journey in words with others, I realized I was being healed!

Just by my words.

My mind that was full of word-wounds was healing as I flipped each word phrase around.

It can work for you too. Flip the negative words in your own head and then share with others.

You look great today. You seem peaceful and centered. You are so smart and full of wisdom. You are wise for your age. What you have to say matters to me. I love your smile. How can I encourage you today?

“Therefore encourage one another and build each other up...” 1 Thessalonians 5:11

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THINKING MY WAY OUT

You can't think your way into a new way of living...you have to live your way into a new way of thinking.

Surrender territory

Wow. I love that. It is so true. I heard this in a meeting and it resonated with me.

I thought I could think my way out of everything under my own power when I was drinking. My best thinking got me drunk every time.

“If I can just figure this out and manipulate a way around this problem, it will go away.” The hard part about this is that some problems don’t have a simple “think around.” So in my obsessive thinking, I would always end up frustrated and back to drinking to stop my thinking.

Now, there’s a brilliant solution! Well, it worked—temporarily.

When I finally tried not drinking and I surrendered to God, I realized how simple it was—let God take control. In that moment, The opposite of what you think should happen—happens. When I surrender, I am not giving up—I am gaining access to the greatest power in the universe.

God. Unstoppable.

I had tried to stop drinking for over thirty years on my own. In one simple move of surrender to God, my obsession to drink was lifted. The veil over my life was gone. The fog had cleared just like that! I am not saying I don’t struggle or have struggles. My solution has changed.

I was free to stop figuring it out. I could live now, freed up to not have the answer to everything.

My new way of thinking is living my surrender each day.

Try it. It works.

“Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.”

James 4:10

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EACH ONE TEACH ONE

The phrase originated in the United States during slavery, when Africans were denied education, including learning to read. Many if not most enslaved people were kept in a state of ignorance about anything beyond their immediate circumstances which were under control of owners, the law makers and authorities. When an enslaved person learned or was taught to read, it became his duty to teach someone else, spawning the phrase "Each one teach one" (Wikipedia)

I love this.

I think when I got sober, I learned another meaning of this phrase, Each One Teach One.

It is essentially the spirit of the 12th step. “ Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.”

To carry the message of how to stay sober to another suffering soul. Just like someone did for me. Yes, that is what I do now. Shine the light for others.

How?

Service—the fastest way out of my own selfish thinking is to help another in need. Reaching out that helping hand.

Now it’s your turn.

Go teach another how to do this sober life by showing them the way.

Each one, teach one.

“Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you may also be tempted.”

Galatians 6:1

WELCOME HOME

I have just returned from the island of Kauai, celebrating a reunion of my family I had not seen in a while. What a homecoming. While there, I had the privilege of returning to a morning AA meeting I had attended twelve years prior in Lydgate Park, not five minutes from our condo.

Although it wasn’t the same people, it was the same welcoming I had those long years before when I was only three years sober.

Hui Ohana — The name of the meeting: Gathering of Family

There I was 2500 miles from my own home, and these bright faces were welcoming me home. Represented in this photo (below), drawn into the dirt in the center of of four picnic tables making a circle for our meeting, was this iconic message: WELCOME HOME

You can just make out the drawing in the center. A triangle, within a circle surrounded by a heart, with the words, “welcome home” drawn around the heart. Gathering that morning as the roosters crowed and the sun was rising at 7 am, a woman jumped up excitedly as we watch her draw this in the center of our gathered meeting of about twenty people. She had a stick that looked like it was the “official” stick (one probably for this specific purpose and that service position!) and she drew this message in the carefully-raked dirt.

I began to weep. Not in sadness. But for the joy, that I could go anywhere in the world and find a meeting and sit down and be welcomed home. All gathering for one purpose:

To stay sober, support each other and hear God’s voice comfort us on this path of sobriety through the words of each other. Family gathering. Hui Ohana.

So appropriately named.

What a blessing. I am grateful.

“For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in”

Matthew 25:35

CORE IDENTITY

When people ask me now, “Why do you say you are an alcoholic when you don’t drink anymore?”

Good question.

Most would think, “You’re fixed. You’re healed. You don’t have a problem anymore.” I find the better phrase for that is in recovery because it’s a process. Ongoing. I’ll never be fixed. Cured. I must me ever-vigilant with the process of recovery.

My core identity is not being an alcoholic—When I say, “Hi, I’m Heidi, I am an alcoholic.” I am not saying that to tell you who I am so much as where I have been, so that you can identify and connect. My identity is not what I am doing but who I am being. Service keeps me out of my own head and out there in the world focusing on you instead of me.

I am a child of God. That is my core identity. Everything comes out of that Truth. Every thought, every behavior and every action.

This past year I have chosen to start each day with this prayer. It helped me tremendously throughout the day. It is the Third Step Prayer from AA that goes like this:

God, I offer myself to Thee - To build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always! Amen.

My favorite line of the prayer is “Relieve me of the bondage of self.” The second I say this out loud, I can feel myself relax and surrender. Get me out of the way!

Try this when you start your day and see how your focus changes. I am praying that your light will shine for others as you go out into the world.

“Be still, and know that I am God.”

Psalm 46:10

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NO MORE EXCUSES

I had plenty of excuses to drink. Everything was a good reason. Then, I didn’t even need to have an excuse to drink. Upsetting circumstances were always the thing that would take me down deep into drinking.

When I got sober, I learned that good and bad stuff still happens in life. I realized that circumstances could not be my excuse anymore.

Someone said to me, “You have what you want in life or—you have the excuses why you don’t have what you want in life.” That was a powerful thought for me. I had a say in how it went. I knew that I was powerless over alcohol, and that I needed help from God every day to choose to live without drinking. I also have a responsibility to choose to live my life again—or anew—without excuses.

I will always have circumstances that challenge me. It is how I handle them that matters most now that alcohol is not the solution anymore.

I was fifty years old before I quit drinking. Many get it long before I did. I guess I am a slow learner. I tried for many years to stop drinking on my own and could not do it. When I finally turned my will and life over to God and asked for help, that is when it all fell into place. The miracle began.

Now, my life is beyond my wildest dreams. Still challenging, but I can do it all with the help of others like myself and with trust in God. I don’t have to understand how it works, I just have to have faith. When each new day dawns, I am grateful for another chance to be present, sober and help somebody else.

If I can do this, you can too!

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. ”

Proverbs 3:5-6

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MESS BECOMES MY MESSAGE

I didn’t want to become an alcoholic when I was young. I didn’t want to BE and alcoholic when I was and active one. And, most of all, I didn’t want to admit I was an alcoholic when I was near the bottom. My life was a mess. Just messy. I was out of control. Yuck.

When I did finally admit it, everything changed.

I got busy being sober, staying sober and helping others to get sober and stay sober.

My mess became my message. Now I just show up and tell my story. A message of hope. If I can do this life without alcohol, so can you. That’s the message. God did for me what I could not do for myself. I realized that being an alcoholic and now being in recovery gave me a new purpose—

To help others like myself.

I had to BE an alcoholic to be able to help one like myself —Takes one to know one.

You are in a unique position to help others just by your experience.

My credibility skyrocketed when, with God’s help, I was able to step out of that mess and into the message I was to carry. To show others that they could do what I had done. God can use a broken thing like me.

Broken people break things. Hurt people, hurt people.

Healed people heal people!

That’s what we do now that we are in the process of healing...we help heal others.

In this way, we continue to heal ourselves.

What a concept.

Service. Giving way what was so freely given to us.

“Persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.”

2 Corinthians 4:9

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IT'S FIVE O'CLOCK SOMEWHERE

Every celebration was an excuse to drink for me. Because, of course, it was 5pm somewhere wasn’t it?

Then it was 4pm, then 2pm, then all day long. Then, I wasn’t sure if I ever had minutes in a day where I wasn’t intoxicated. The end. That’s my story. Well, the drinking part of my story.

So, how did I stop?

Frankly, there can be only one way. Surrender to God. Period. I was flat on the floor one minute, and relieved of my obsession and sober the next.

Huh?

That’s just crazy. Or—

Maybe evidence that God can take away the obsession when asked. I drank for 30 years straight never being able to stop on my own. Why now?

True submission and surrender to God.

I say true, because I had asked God many times to help me stop—I really didn’t mean it. I wanted Him to help me manage my drinking—which, of course, was unmanageable. I wanted God to help me, but just don’t take the alcohol away completely!

Whew. Okay, this is the season for lots of alcohol everywhere. Thanksgiving, then Christmas parties, work parties, events, whatever—all reasons to celebrate.

If you are new in sobriety, here are a few suggestions for how to get through the holiday parties:

1) Have a plan—come to the party early and leave early.

2) Go with a sober relative or friend.

3) Come prepared with a water, your own drink or juice in hand.

4) When alcohol is offered, you don’t have to have a reason why you’re refusing. “No Thank You” works.

5) Have your own car

6) When the drinking feels like it is escalating, politely excuse yourself and leave.

7) This worked for me early in sobriety, and now, too. When you leave the party, don’t forget to thank God for your sobriety and for getting you through another day and another party sober.

Good plan. Repeat.

Alcohol is everywhere. You can’t avoid being with people because it is there. The challenge is to figure out how to be in the mix but not mixed up in the mess, right? When you have a few successes knowing you can go to parties without having to drink, suddenly, you realize that you don’t need alcohol to have fun, love life, and celebrate with others.

You are retraining your brain.

“Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good. His love endures forever.”

Psalm 136:1

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BEAUTY FROM ASHES

This unusually orange sunset is because of smoke that has covered our entire Bay Area this past week as the result of a devastating fire that took out the entire town of Paradise, California. This photo looks like a shot from a figurative paradise, with the hummingbird, whose normal state is frantically buzzing its wings, sitting in silence gazing through the haze.

The city of Paradise is silent in ruins. Nothing left. Lives lost. A picture of devastation.

My heart is broken for all those who lost loved ones, animals, their homes, livelihoods, businesses, schools, churches—all signs of thriving life. My prayers are that you would be able to begin again. Have hope again, Thrive again. Loss is so hard. So debilitating. Sometimes freezing us in place unable to move forward.

Unparalleled distress can set the stage for unparalleled deliverance. The toughest things in life that we have to face can be where God does his richest work. If we trust him and turn it over to him just when we think we can’t bear it any more, we will be delivered to the other side of it.

Death and loss took me to my bottom in my alcoholism. I almost died in my late stages of the disease. I made it out alive. By the Grace of God and putting my trust and faith where it belonged—in HIM, not in me. I had to start over with a new me—with the help of others who stood in the gap for me, providing hope when I had none, helping me physically get back to health and learn new ways of living. Letting other people help me, when I could not help myself.

I am here to tell you that if you are still alive, there is still hope. Let people help you physically and spiritually in any way they are able to give to you and encourage you. Be willing to accept people praying for your strength and for your courage to go on. I don’t know who you are, but, I am one of those praying for you now.

Out of devastation comes stories of the unexpected—gifts of money, food, clothing and shelter. I am looking forward to hearing all of the stories of victory that come out of loss—how hope is restored. Beauty from the ashes.

For now, be comforted today by all of those praying for you and by our Gracious God carrying you when you can’t carry yourselves.

“The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion—to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor.”

Isaiah 61:1-3

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LIGHTING THE CANDLE OF HOPE

Dictionary definition of HOPE:

“A feeling of expectation or desire for something to happen; grounds for believing that something good may happen.”

My Higher Power is the spirit of the universe — GOD — a tremendous source of strength that is always with me unless I allow resentment to separate me from the sunlight of the spirit.

The Spirit of God has been born in me through faith. Through sharing, service and giving hope to others. God does not cause tragedy or find you parking places. He is much bigger than that.

I watch hopeless alcoholics walk into meeting rooms every day, grab a hold of hope (of which I may possibly give them a glimpse) and begin a renewal of the spirit within themselves.

This is God–Higher Power–Spirit–whatever you want to call it.

It is not self. Not you. Not me.

We cannot access this universal power through our own self will. Surrendering self, we find all the power we need. MORE than enough. Overwhelming power that we never dreamed of, that carries us through “situations that used to baffle us.”

I am energized and excited by watching transformation happen every day in alcoholics finding strength in being with us, surrendering to the process, and feeling hope again.

Through my showing up, service, and reaching out to another alcoholic, I just might help re-light the candle of hope in someone, helping them to access the power that was available to them all along.

So simple, but not easy.

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”

Romans 15:13

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NO IS A COMPLETE SENTENCE

“No.”— A complete sentence.

No — period.

My sponsor told me this early in sobriety. I have a problem saying “no” to people. I don’t want to disappoint them, so I say “yes” and play the martyr role and “resent” instead. Which is a lot healthier, right?

No.

By not saying what I mean, I buy many more problems and situations to unravel later. When “No.” releases us right now.

I have also heard this helpful saying:

“Say what you mean. Mean what you say. And, don’t say it mean.”

Now, if I could only do this.

“And don’t say anything you don’t mean. This counsel is embedded deep in our traditions. You only make things worse when you lay down a smoke screen of pious talk, saying, ‘I’ll pray for you,’ and never doing it, or saying, ‘God be with you,’ and not meaning it. You don’t make your words true by embellishing them with religious lace. In making your speech sound more religious, it becomes less true. Just say ‘yes’ and ‘no.’ When you manipulate words to get your own way, you go wrong.”

Matthew 5:33-37 The Message Translation

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